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Old 03-06-2019, 03:59 PM
 
3 posts, read 1,336 times
Reputation: 10

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Ive come here to ask any other parents who are willing to respond to this what they would do if they were I (im 16) or my mother.
Some background: My current stepdad is actually an old highschool boyfriend of my moms and they were separated when my grandmother moved taking my mom who was 16 (he was 20) with her. They got back together when my mom left my 1st stepdad (hes actually the one who raised me with my mom and from now on will be referred to as my dad, ive never met my real dad) anyways, they got back together after my mom divorced my dad in 2013. I initially met him when we moved to the town where we live now. He was okay at first. Then my dad filed for divorce and my brother and sister and I had to go back to live with him. I ended up living with my grandparents until my grandmother passed and then my grandfather and I moved in with him. I moved back in with my mom in 2015 and I cant stand my stepdad.

I love my mom very much please don't misread me and she's been nothing but good to me. For the past 3 years my stepdad has said nothing but negative things to me about me. Things like "you cant do anything right", "stop wasting my time", "you break everything you touch" etc. Now we dont even speak to eachother, and he always tries to find something to get me in trouble. I stay in my room most of the time practicing and learning about music. But because im always in my room he complains about "he doesnt do anything" but if someone repeatedly told you that youre not worth their time or you never do anything right you wouldnt want to do anything for them either. The other day when i was using the restroom one of the little ones (3 of them who are his) wanted to use it. So I said alright, and went out, when i opened the door my stepdad was right there not like waiting for me or anything but he was there, and on my way out he looked at me and said with an attitude "what were you doing in the bathroom" and I responded with "why do you care" I didnt say it with like a snobby attitude that we hear in our heads when we read that but more like a "leave me alone" sort of tone. Then he said "excuse you" and got up in my face, said "gimme those" and took the headphones i was wearing off of my neck. Then he said "wheres your phone" and I told him "i dont know just leave me alon" when it was in my pocket. So he goes into my room and shuffles my bed looking for it and im in the entryway (my rooms by the front door) and he comes out and says it again,"wheres your phone" and i said its on me and he corners me and gets in my face and tries to reach into my pocket, I pushed him away cuz i was literally in a corner and then he rushed me with his hands on my throat trying to lift me up off the ground and me tryna get away, i did and he chased me into my room doing the same thing. Then when i got away again he had ripped my shirt off of me and then my mom got involved. Then I was blamed for starting it.

I havent come to complain or whine to you (evidently I am anyway because I have alot of anger toward him) but to look for answers and so far i havent found anything from any other website or forum where the circumstances are similar. Anyone who has any ideas please tell me.
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Old 03-06-2019, 04:24 PM
 
Location: San Antonio, TX
11,039 posts, read 19,789,621 times
Reputation: 25953
Call the police to report the assault, or talk to a teacher you trust. Or if you're afraid of the storm of trouble that will cause, tell your dad what happened and ask if you can move back in with him.

How does your stepfather behave toward your sister and brother?
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Old 03-06-2019, 08:10 PM
 
Location: Forest Service Cabin-90% of the yr. Sis & I inherited it and I bought her out.
175 posts, read 43,128 times
Reputation: 307
Wow, Hang in there buddy. You are worth it.

I am tempted to also say call the police but want more info until making a decision.
Former foster child here so know the system well.

You need an out the minute you turn 18. Meaning a place to live and a way to support yourself.
If you can give me the name of your town & state, I have some ideas that may work for you.

Your stepdad cannot be appeased. Tell him NOTHING.
Your mother is likely mentally ill.
It is best you love her for your own well being.
You need to not answer questions to your stepdad, just run.
Seriously, just run away. He is abusive as you said.
Good for you for knowing that.

Until I know more, I cannot tell you to report this. '
Only because we are foster parents and often
being in custody is worse than home-life.
When a cps report is filed, there is a chance they may remove you from the home.
Group homes are often MUCH WORSE than your stepdad
My best guess.... with little info... is to avoid your step-father.
He is NOT your friend.
Tell him nothing.
Let him know nothing about your life.
Stay far from him as best you can.

There is one kind of job where you can live on your own, and be paid to sleep.
This means you are free to work during the day yet paid to sleep. On call.

You need to be living away from your parents, period, at age 18.

That is the goal.

It is likely a police report should be filed against your stepdad

but the issue is, you may end up in a situation that is worse than where you are.

Counter-productive.

Info most people cannot understand so be savvy about your decisions.

Be smarter than Moms boyfriend. You are worth it.

Even if you are not a Christian, please get involved with a LARGE bible based Christian church.
Go to any support groups they offer.

You need those connections to get out of this abusive situation.

Only thru networking and pairing up, can you get out of your home

There are also low income apartments available.
I can assist if i know your town.
You'll pAY 30% of your income BUT the water bill and trash is free.
IT means you can survive working a minimum wage job
You need to get out when you turn 18.
Keep your cool with the stepdad no matter what.
He isn't worth a hill of beans to you.
I'll be praying. hang in there.

Someday, you will look back
And be proud of yourself
I am proud of you

Last edited by FrugalFox; 03-06-2019 at 08:23 PM..
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Old 03-07-2019, 07:35 AM
 
8,941 posts, read 3,472,460 times
Reputation: 22475
I'll wait until your second post to write a thoughtful response.
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Old 03-07-2019, 06:19 PM
 
Location: Bloomington IN
6,297 posts, read 7,504,830 times
Reputation: 15314
Why can't you live with your dad?
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Old 03-07-2019, 09:33 PM
 
Location: Warren County and loving it!
5,274 posts, read 7,458,298 times
Reputation: 2816
OP,

Frugal Fox has given you great advice. You didn’t say why you moved out from your grandfather. If that’s still an option, go. If your Dad is still an option, go.

I just wanted to chime in, in support of you. You don’t deserve to be treated this way at all.

Don’t give him the satisfaction of seeing he gets to you. He’s likely thriving on that power. Simply ignore as much as possible.

Can you talk to your mother at all?
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Old 03-07-2019, 09:35 PM
 
390 posts, read 67,721 times
Reputation: 374
yeah, you know what? i was in a situation like this.

dont give your mom too much credit. look around you.

best of luck and god bless (im agnostic, but what do people think god is for, if not this?) youre a good person. f*** what that ***hole says. and learn all you can about (clinical) narcissism and cluster b personality disorders, that will be the quickest way to learn how to navigate this. dont confront, it is useless. get out as soon as you can. forget mom, aim for getting out at the first good opportunity. not running off with some worthless person, but getting your own place or moving in with a GOOD relative at the first reasonable chance. dont let those two steal your future.
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Old 03-07-2019, 11:05 PM
 
75 posts, read 21,572 times
Reputation: 61
This made my heart starting beating fast. I've had a similar situation in terms of having a socially unethical stepdad. Trust me your mom is at fault for having him in your family just like my mom did. So she deserves some blame as well as him.

Yeah you definitely want to get out of there, it could mess you up socially. And yeah stay calm around your stepdad, it is not worth getting into a fight with him. I would say report the assault to the police as well but you also want to make sure he doesn't retaliate if he finds out, I don't know how crazy he is.

A good move is to befriend his children with him noticing. Be nice to his children and this will probably comfort him and he will probably leave you alone. Then when you can leave. Join some clubs or do some sports at school and be at home less and maybe get a girlfriend. Or maybe see if a friends parents will let you stay at their house if you tell them about the incident.

Given the trajectory of your life I don't know how you will turn out, I don't know anything about your mental health. I would strongly think about joining the military, so maybe start training now. Since you've already dealt with adversity in your life it will make you well equipped for the military. Then if you want to go college they pay for it and I think you might get free housing also. But you do not want to follow in the footsteps of your parents and you have to be the leader in your family.

Last edited by BrainGardens; 03-07-2019 at 11:50 PM..
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Old 03-07-2019, 11:09 PM
 
390 posts, read 67,721 times
Reputation: 374
Quote:
Originally Posted by BrainGardens View Post
I would strongly think about joining the military
i would agree on most of your post, but exactly how would this improve the situation?

Quote:
Then if you want to go college they pay for it and I think you might get free housing also.
yes and no.

http://www.beforejoiningthemilitary....-the-military/
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Old 03-07-2019, 11:29 PM
 
75 posts, read 21,572 times
Reputation: 61
Quote:
Originally Posted by dynamicjson View Post
i would agree on most of your post, but exactly how would this improve the situation?



yes and no.

5 Lies Recruiters Tell Recruits Joining the Military
Ya I think everyone in the military might get free college. In terms of housing I knew a marine in school that had free housing while in school I think. Free college would help him out financially and that in turn will put him on a path to success.
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