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Old 03-18-2019, 07:21 AM
 
Location: Billings, MT
9,448 posts, read 7,542,069 times
Reputation: 13055

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Something to think about....
Who is going to be saddled with the care of this dysfunctional person when the grandparents, parents, aunts and uncles, etc. die? Will the State, in their infinite governmental wisdom, find a 14th cousin to dump the person on?
I do believe that person needs to be placed in a group home staffed by professional, caring people. Yes, we taxpayers will have to support such places.
Moderator cut: delete

Last edited by Miss Blue; Today at 07:00 AM.. Reason: suggesting violence
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Old 03-18-2019, 08:43 AM
 
8,853 posts, read 3,439,819 times
Reputation: 22313
I was able to read the article.

In summary, this is a mother of a high school student who has severe outbursts at home, but is able to function acceptably well in school and is physically normal looking, even attractive. Socially inept. She appears to have the capacity to go to college and earn a living income, although the mom wonders whether she will choose to do that.

The mom is willing to pay for her college.

The mom's question is, can she dump her now.

The answer is, no, she can't. She can dump her when she's 18 if she chooses to.

This is not likely to be a woman who will need round the clock care, or expensive nursing staff or supervision.

She's a misery to be around at home and has stressed the family to the breaking point with tantrums that can last hours, and is refusing to take prescribed antipsychotics.
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Old 03-18-2019, 08:43 AM
 
11,205 posts, read 6,286,234 times
Reputation: 11810
Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdieBelle View Post
I didn't find it vague at all. The mother feels like she is being held hostage by her daughter, who has autism, learning disability and a severe mood disorder. She can mostly function throughout the day but lets it all go and rages while at home in the evenings with hourslong tantrums that have led neighbors to call the police multiple times.

Even when the daughter becomes of age, the state where she lives requires that she will always be a ward of her parents and so her mom feels hopeless about her own future after 20 years of dealing with this.

It's an advice column, not an article. The mom was asking the columnist if it would really be that bad if she just disappeared one day and left her daughter to fend for herself.
So she's ok during the day but goes nuts at night...How about a nice tranquilizer.

I didn't know the state can force you to be a guardian of an adult. If that's the case seems like a disappearing parent would be a fugitive.

My friend has such a child and she seems to get worse behaved as she gets older. It is exhausting as they are older but when they get too old, sick or pass away she will have to be under state care. Until then they will always be doing this job of parenting of a mentally challenged adult child.

Edit - ok if mom wants to dump her, she can wait until she's an adult and do it legally. She doesn't sound that bad actually if she can function so well. Interesting she can hold it together until she gets with mom. It sounds like those guys who are good at work all day then come home and take it out on their wives and beat them.
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Old 03-18-2019, 09:32 AM
 
5,876 posts, read 4,713,305 times
Reputation: 11778
Quote:
Originally Posted by tamajane View Post
So she's ok during the day but goes nuts at night...How about a nice tranquilizer.

I didn't know the state can force you to be a guardian of an adult. If that's the case seems like a disappearing parent would be a fugitive.

My friend has such a child and she seems to get worse behaved as she gets older. It is exhausting as they are older but when they get too old, sick or pass away she will have to be under state care. Until then they will always be doing this job of parenting of a mentally challenged adult child.

Edit - ok if mom wants to dump her, she can wait until she's an adult and do it legally. She doesn't sound that bad actually if she can function so well. Interesting she can hold it together until she gets with mom. It sounds like those guys who are good at work all day then come home and take it out on their wives and beat them.
she said she refuses to take her medication.

And i also find it strange that she is required to look after her after she is an adult. Seems like she is like a lot of other people raging and running around all on their own.
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Old 03-18-2019, 09:53 AM
 
1,000 posts, read 351,801 times
Reputation: 3059
Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdieBelle View Post
I didn't find it vague at all. The mother feels like she is being held hostage by her daughter, who has autism, learning disability and a severe mood disorder. She can mostly function throughout the day but lets it all go and rages while at home in the evenings with hourslong tantrums that have led neighbors to call the police multiple times.

Even when the daughter becomes of age, the state where she lives requires that she will always be a ward of her parents and so her mom feels hopeless about her own future after 20 years of dealing with this.

It's an advice column, not an article. The mom was asking the columnist if it would really be that bad if she just disappeared one day and left her daughter to fend for herself.
Hopefully genetic testing in utero will mitigate this problem, as it has for many other disorders.
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Old 03-18-2019, 10:19 AM
 
384 posts, read 206,389 times
Reputation: 1815
I didn't read the article but got the gist of the situation by the comments.

The parent is not fit to be a caretaker to this child. If an in-home caretaker doesn't do the trick by controlling the outbursts then, yes, I think this young woman should be in a more controlled environment with professionals who can care for her appropriately.

And does this family have other children in the household? If yes, how is any of this fair to them?
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Old 03-18-2019, 10:41 AM
Status: "Eating Shoots and Leaves" (set 3 days ago)
 
133 posts, read 13,127 times
Reputation: 47
Has the parent considered a military school or wilderness program? My semi friend's mom threw him out when he was 16 for drug dealing and fighting. This kid doesn't sound retarded but just a brat. Kick them to the curb and they can fend for themselves.

Last edited by fatsquirrel; 03-18-2019 at 11:15 AM..
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Old 03-18-2019, 11:00 AM
 
Location: between three Great Lakes.
1,716 posts, read 1,884,050 times
Reputation: 5674
I know nothing about adoption; having said that, let me ask:

Since when is a parent considered a hostage of a child? Can't she be put up/out for adoption? I thought this was possible anytime until age of 18.

If it were me (and it isn't) I would put the girl out using whatever legal means. Yes, she'll be a burden on someone else. But at least I would have the rest of my life back.

Folks, please do not take contraception for granted! Fight for its widespread availability, and use it!
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Old 03-18-2019, 11:10 AM
 
7,310 posts, read 12,989,715 times
Reputation: 8772
Quote:
Originally Posted by ClaraC View Post
I was able to read the article.

In summary, this is a mother of a high school student who has severe outbursts at home, but is able to function acceptably well in school and is physically normal looking, even attractive. Socially inept. She appears to have the capacity to go to college and earn a living income, although the mom wonders whether she will choose to do that.

The mom is willing to pay for her college.

The mom's question is, can she dump her now.

The answer is, no, she can't. She can dump her when she's 18 if she chooses to.

This is not likely to be a woman who will need round the clock care, or expensive nursing staff or supervision.

She's a misery to be around at home and has stressed the family to the breaking point with tantrums that can last hours, and is refusing to take prescribed antipsychotics.

The question isn't "Can she dump her now?" The person refers to the state law about having to take care of said child for the rest of her life. She also mentioned they're underfunded for their retirement and can't continue to support the child for the rest of their lives. She's concerned about being a rotten parent for not wanting to take the lifelong task.



I feel for this parent and understand her pain and frustration. Such a daunting situation.







Quote:
Originally Posted by ShanIAmVA View Post
I didn't read the article but got the gist of the situation by the comments.

The parent is not fit to be a caretaker to this child. If an in-home caretaker doesn't do the trick by controlling the outbursts then, yes, I think this young woman should be in a more controlled environment with professionals who can care for her appropriately.

And does this family have other children in the household? If yes, how is any of this fair to them?

Yes, there's a mention of a sibling "who has suffered greatly".
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Old 03-18-2019, 11:50 AM
 
Location: Howard County, Maryland
5,388 posts, read 3,430,117 times
Reputation: 15885
Quote:
Originally Posted by Zenstyle View Post
Folks, please do not take contraception for granted! Fight for its widespread availability, and use it!

By the time one finds out that their child is destined to be a burden on them for the rest of their lives, it's way too late to be thinking about contraception.
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