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Old Yesterday, 08:57 AM
 
1,774 posts, read 2,123,395 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Zenstyle View Post
I know nothing about adoption; having said that, let me ask:

Since when is a parent considered a hostage of a child? Can't she be put up/out for adoption? I thought this was possible anytime until age of 18.

If it were me (and it isn't) I would put the girl out using whatever legal means. Yes, she'll be a burden on someone else. But at least I would have the rest of my life back.
That's called child abandonment. You can go to jail for that.
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Old Yesterday, 09:01 AM
 
283 posts, read 78,793 times
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Not having any advice to give but reading a story once about a child with this same kind of behavior in a family of 5 -6 children back when they were put into an institution because of upsetting the other children , Mary age 4 was taken away , he father missed her so much hed visit her often but was told by the staff to stay away as Mary got worse when left , someone suggested he go in disguise , he dressed as a clown and entertained all the children , his friends at work joined in and would go as clowns , dad was able to see Mary without her knowing who who he was , plus the staff at the institution loved the entertainment for the children .

I just thought it was a nice end to a sad story .
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Old Yesterday, 09:42 AM
 
Location: Raleigh
7,786 posts, read 5,741,359 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tamajane View Post
I'm not sure why the daughter gets the choice to refuse the meds, when she is terrorizing the family. IMO mom being guardian, caregiver and victim should get to choose. I would have a real problem if my kid was well enough to go to high school or college and hold a job but came home and tortured me, AND refused treatment to stabilize her moods. No way, that mom has my sympathies, I'd want to run away too.
So how do you force someone that has the body of an adult to take their meds? This isn't a jail or a mental hospital.
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Old Yesterday, 10:04 AM
 
36,476 posts, read 13,979,589 times
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If she is a teenager who won't take her antipsychotic medications, she has more than a mild case of autism. However, lots of times, mental health issues don't become fully apparent and clearly diagnosable until teens or early twenties.

In any case, as far as I'm aware, parents are legally able to end their involvement with their kids at 18.

Sometimes this involved getting county social services involved to support the child on the next step of the journey.

Other times it involves getting the teen off to college or at least out of the house and making it clear she is not to return home.

I've seen both happen.

One of the problems with the second situation is FAFSA applications. There is a fair amount of paperwork involved for them to accept that the parents are not involved in providing any support, financial or otherwise.
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Old Yesterday, 10:05 AM
 
Location: Forest Service Cabin 90% of the yr
49 posts, read 4,983 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Clemencia53 View Post
she said she refuses to take her medication.

And i also find it strange that she is required to look after her after she is an adult. Seems like she is like a lot of other people raging and running around all on their own.
She isn't required to take care of her forever but at 18, the girl likely cannot just move out immediately.
It may be another year to get it all organized.
Sounds as if Mom hasn't contacted the County for assistance with her daughter or they haven't assisted her well.
Or she's just at her wits end, very understandable. Clearly she is.

There are many avenues they could take, but let's stick with the most common

If the girl shows she is a danger to herself or others, she may receive Medicaid funds for an IHSS worker.
If it's really bad, she'll have what's known as "protective supervision". That is rare but usually reserved for the psychotic.
She may eventually be forced, via injection, by a court, to take her meds if outbursts result in police intervention.


More likely the solution is subsidized housing and an IHSS Worker stopping by the home to assist a few hrs a wk.
Her worker can be her Mom, paid to do this...since most parents stop in anyhow.
Autistics, psychotics, often need help with housekeeping, laundry, grocery lists/shopping, getting to and from, appointments, etc
And a County Psychiatrist prescribing medication. This is if she is stabilized on meds by then.

A group home with someone paid to oversee it might be another alternative.
Usually the overseer only works days for a few hrs but someone is always on call.
This is more expensive for taxpayers so would only occur if her behavior is pretty bad.
Usually after some police reports. Mental institution confinement

Again, an IHSS Worker is VERY common Or a parent can be paid min wage or close to it to be their kin's worker
Bus Passes are generally available for a discount to disabled where applicable

In Calif, the disabled receive about t $900 mo. Same as dirt poor elderly folks at age 65
Being away from Mom will usually stop the night time outbursts, or they will be reduced a lot
disabled are generally in the front line for subsidized housing.
Section 8 is the same thing but she'd take her voucher anywhere.

We have an autistic 28 yr old women on Section 8 just 1 mile away
We are friends with the family
She is living above her parents in a large room with a fridge, bathroom.
The grandparents own the building.
I hear them shouting sometimes
when I stop in to buy something (it's also a seasonal business).
It would be better she not live there,
she also graduated college, or attended for a while
Dad does great with her but he is deemed disabled too
On heavy psychotropic meds
Both parents have some level if mental issues
Dad also receives close to $900 a mo. which 30% goes to rent just like the daughter.
Rent goes to the grandparents who own their building

Signing her up for Section Voucher and subsidized apartments right at 18, is key
Remain her IHSS worker or get her an IHSS worker NOW
This allows the County to hear another voice of what is happening
Check out their States vocational rehab where she could hold a job, on some days, such as at GOODwill.
Sign her up for food pantry & food stamps at age 18.
Sign her up for a discounted landline or cell telephone thru lifeline at 18.
All this stuff the county should have someone helping with

If the daughter is truly on psychotropic meds, then maybe it's via the parents insurance
They need to get her evaluated by the COUNTY so she can get all the assists she needs.
They will automatically refer her to different programs
As a parent, she will be taking care of her forever but it's not full time nor will she have to live at home
maybe in between episodes, then moving her into another program, that is common

My parents filled in when my schizophrenic brother was kicked out of a few programs.
He lived there, not good, but only for 1-2 wk stints and only a few times out of decades of illness
My brother was also confined to a few different mental institutions when he went off his meds
And into some episode.
At one point, after he threatened to kill the Sheriff
Who always enjoyed sitting at the coffee house with a bunch of women before work
he was court ordered to take his meds via injection. That got the ball rolling fast
No shows for injections meant the cops took him

This girl needs to get her mental state in order before attending College.
There is really no assists for her to attend College unless it's in some special program for the disabled
Psychotropic meds are often a deterrent to the County to encourage College
Mom can assist with taking her down and signing her up.
This will help her self esteem which = better behavior and a happier quality of life
but only after these episodes are under control and meds are stabilized
She is disabled so her classes will be free but there will be a lot of paperwork to fill out.

.

Last edited by FrugalFox.; Yesterday at 11:08 AM..
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Old Yesterday, 10:06 AM
 
36,476 posts, read 13,979,589 times
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That said, the teen years can be terrible even with great kids. If they know you love them and will put up with anything, they will put that to the test.
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Old Yesterday, 10:09 AM
 
Location: British Columbia 🍁
6,737 posts, read 6,233,782 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by djmaxwell View Post
That's called child abandonment. You can go to jail for that.

No, it's not abandonment if it's done legally. The person you responded to explicitly said "I would put the girl out using whatever legal means."





.
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Old Yesterday, 10:45 AM
 
1,774 posts, read 2,123,395 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Zoisite View Post
No, it's not abandonment if it's done legally. The person you responded to explicitly said "I would put the girl out using whatever legal means."





.
Short of finding someone to voluntarily adopt the child, there are no legal means.
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Old Yesterday, 10:46 AM
 
369 posts, read 185,050 times
Reputation: 969
The fact that the daughter can control herself when not at home speaks volumes. She CAN control herself; she chooses not to, at home.

This is going to sound horrible to some, I'm sure, but many parents who have children with disabilities enable their bad behavior. They excuse it by naming their disability. They further handicap their own children. The pity from others stops at some point and that parent feels abandoned to their now older, now stronger, now harder-to-manage perma-child.

She's stuck with her. Or, she can abandon her to the world. I think the latter is likely. Writing in to look for more sympathy tells me that her well is almost dry and she's about to look out for #1 again, which has always been herself. It's her choice. Poor her, blah blah blah.

My youngest brother has Down's. He's an *******. He's extremely manipulative, vulgar, and getting older and stronger by the second. It has nothing to do with having Down's; it has everything to do with his bad behavior being excused by his having Down's since he was a baby. WHEN I used to watch him, to give my mother relief, it was a constant struggle at first, until he realized that his antics would get him nowhere. Whenever we're in mixed company though, he blows his nose into dishes he wants for himself. He throws trash on the floor. He has tantrums when he doesn't get his way or not enough people are fawning over some minor nothing. When I go over and wait patiently for him to get his thrashing out, then have him clean up/get back to whatever we were doing like he KNOWS how to do and did at my house before, he swears at me SO QUIETLY, in perfect context. The most horrific, perfect swearing. Then he throws himself into me and starts screaming. When a relative comes to rescue him from me, he smirks and spits at me as he's carried away. He's 10. In first grade. The strongest little f***er you can imagine. And they all enable him. I have made my position clear, at this point. He's going to grow up, be stronger than ever, and do whatever he wants. It will be all of their faults. When he's 20 and my mother is pushing 70, I'm afraid for her, what he'll do. When my sister was pregnant with their first baby, he started beating on her stomach. Her husband is in a hard spot - his wife spoils her little brother too. He keeps that baby FAR AWAY from his small brother in law.

Enabling the bad behavior of anyone - disability/impairment/addiction or not - is NOT LOVE. It's willful blindness. It's selfish.

My family - and this mother who wrote in - actively made these soiled beds to lay in. I don't have much compassion for them. I've seen it first hand.
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Old Yesterday, 11:12 AM
 
Location: Forest Service Cabin 90% of the yr
49 posts, read 4,983 times
Reputation: 49
Quote:
Originally Posted by JONOV View Post
So how do you force someone that has the body of an adult to take their meds? This isn't a jail or a mental hospital.
You don't force them.

There must be a court order stating they are a danger to themselves or others for them to be forced to take meds.

And though a parent can scream from the rooftops, only police reports documenting behaviors, illegal activity, can, and again that is CAN, get the ball rolling. They'll be taken to a NURSE for an injection once a month
They must be deemed a threat to themselves or others by a Court first.

Those who are legally obligated to take meds, are often housed in group homes where someone is paid to watch them take their meds each day. Group homes where an employee stops by, assists 2-4 hrs a day. Overall the folks live independently

Last edited by FrugalFox.; Yesterday at 11:33 AM..
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