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Old 03-19-2019, 08:13 PM
 
Location: Forest Service Cabin 90% of the yr
52 posts, read 6,784 times
Reputation: 67

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Quote:
Originally Posted by djmaxwell View Post
Short of finding someone to voluntarily adopt the child, there are no legal means.
If she goes too far, there is always Juvenile Hall. Or a group home for underage Teens
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Old 03-19-2019, 08:22 PM
 
Location: Forest Service Cabin 90% of the yr
52 posts, read 6,784 times
Reputation: 67
Quote:
Originally Posted by Roselvr View Post
NJ says they dont give anything for autism any more according to my friend who could have written that about her son 7 years ago. He struggles to keep a job. Isnt responsible at all. Has crashed every car she owns. I told her to look for services they told her no.
California doesn't give any more for the disabiiity of autism than any other disability, close to $900 a month BUT if there is a developmentally delay or if the autism is so severe, then they will. That is my understanding.I mean if the child cannot speak, has tantrums and acts like Raymond aka RAIN MAN, that old Movie with Tom Cruise, then they'll need e heck of a lot more than $900 a mo. They basically retarded.

Downs Syndrome, even the few which are very high functioning and can live alone, automatically receive all supports since they are deemed eligible for Regional Center services the second the doctor determine they are downs. Some are only half downs.

What sucks is the Medicaid here in California is different than the Medicaid someone fo the same adult age would get. After a cavity, they need to petition medicaid to get more fillings. They say it is geared towards their special needs but it's BS. IT is a bare bones version of medical care normal people get, it is very reduced because they are disabled so cannot really advocate for themselves.
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Old 03-19-2019, 08:35 PM
 
Location: Forest Service Cabin 90% of the yr
52 posts, read 6,784 times
Reputation: 67
Quote:
Originally Posted by LieslMet View Post
When he was younger, before I saw the deviance and just thought he needed structure, I cheerfully offered up examples of the many cashiers with Down's in our community. Many live in our village, walk to/from work, and are largely independent in the day to day. It's a safe place; no one hassles them. They have their own apartments among regular people, go to work, walk their errands, plant their annuals in the spring, grill, have family and/or friends over, etc. My mother remarked on how sad it was that they lived alone. She completely disregarded my point- their independence and pride. NO ONE with a coupon a single day after the expiration was going to get past them. They made friends of their neighbors. They helped them out when they could and were helped in return. They're very happy.

She focused on how the alone-ness. But living alone doesn't mean loneliness... unless you're her. She said that she couldn't imagine her poor son in such a sad life.

eta: He stops when he sees the phone come out. "You're gonna show Mom?!!" Then goes into his fake persona. Even for happy family pictures, he stops looking normal and lets his tongue fall out. It's ridiculous. I could film him secretly, maybe... but it's not worth it. I'd still be the bad oldest sister who doesn't KNOW HIM like they do, trying to catch the poor boy being an a-hole. I've told them what I think. They know.
Alright well maybe your Mom should buy a duplex now, keep her eyes open for a good deal and move him into the back. He'll have his own home yet be near her. Sounds like she needs him to be close. Then, he can have all the supports he needs from his MOM.

She'll need to petition the County IHSS for extra hours though it's unlikely she'd get more than 20 a week. That seems to be the cut off here in California. Also petition the Regional Center for Respite Care which in California, they just assign a standard 20 hrs a month. She cannot be paid by the Regional Center so maybe you can do it.
I am not sure if they would hire relatives or not but it is designed to give MOM a break.

She must be very creative. I *think* she can get him a section 8 voucher, and get paid 30% of his income for rent. I *think*, I know from our friends that if she is the grandmother she can. BUT it must be presented as a different home. Our friends have a little microwave, fridge, full bathroom which consists of one large studio where their 28 yr old daughter lives. There is a separate entrance.

YET with the Regional Center, you may want to present it as they live in the same house so they can get that 20 hrs a week respite care. States do it differently so not sure if you can choose your worker. Here they've transitioned to companies providing it and they send someone out to spend time with him

These are all Federal programs so would all work pretty similarly no matter which state you live in.
Your brother will not be lonely as an adult living alone. Someone can come to assist him as his IHSS worker once a week for 3-5 hrs or so, taking him to appointments. Maybe more hours, but he seems pretty high functioning. AND if he is under your mothers roof, she can also ensure he has respite care from the Regional Center AND some kind of payment to manage his finances. 1-2 hrs a month if I recall.

Remember my warning about SLS services? Well I know of one situation it worked well.The parents loved it. they bought a duplex and the child lived in the behind dwelling but he had a lot of hours of services from the SLS agency. So the parents didn't even see their son but a few times a week for maybe 1-2 hrs. He came over for dinner every Friday. The mom told me this.

Someone called a Direct Support worker was over most days helping her son for 4-6 hrs and on weekends. He was only alone at night when it was close to bedtime. He slept fine by himself. Then he got up and took a shower, then for about an hour, someone came over to cook his breakfast before he went to day program. Mom & Dad had a tunnel like hall that he could just walk down if needed which connected the buildings (so maybe it wasn't a duplex). I do not know if they are paid rent by their son via a section 8 voucher or not.

This is the avenue to get more hours of support. This kid was also Downs. He passed away recently. Downs don't generally live beyond 55 to 60yrs at the most, their hearts often give out. They are born with weak hearts
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Old 03-19-2019, 08:37 PM
 
15,691 posts, read 17,434,304 times
Reputation: 15422
Quote:
Originally Posted by FrugalFox. View Post
California doesn't give any more for the disabiiity of autism than any other disability, close to $900 a month BUT if there is a developmentally delay or if the autism is so severe, then they will. That is my understanding.I mean if the child cannot speak, has tantrums and acts like Raymond aka RAIN MAN, that old Movie with Tom Cruise, then they'll need e heck of a lot more than $900 a mo. They basically retarded.

Downs Syndrome, even the few which are very high functioning and can live alone, automatically receive all supports since they are deemed eligible for Regional Center services the second the doctor determine they are downs. Some are only half downs.

What sucks is the Medicaid here in California is different than the Medicaid someone fo the same adult age would get. After a cavity, they need to petition medicaid to get more fillings. They say it is geared towards their special needs but it's BS. IT is a bare bones version of medical care normal people get, it is very reduced because they are disabled so cannot really advocate for themselves.
The person Rainman was based on was a savant. Most autistic people don't have savant skills.

https://www.wisconsinmedicalsociety....man-real-life/

https://www.wisconsinmedicalsociety....real-rain-man/

Quote:
Fran Peek describes his son this way: “Kim is not behaviorally autistic. He has a warm, loving personality. He truly cares for people and enjoys sharing his unique skills and knowledge capacity. Known as ‘Kimputer’ to many, his knowledge-library includes World and American History, People and Leaders, Geography (roads and highways in U.S. and Canada), Professional Sports (baseball, basketball, football, Kentucky Derby winners etc), the Space Program, Movies and movie themes, Actors and Actresses, the Bible, Mormon Church Doctrine and History, Calendar Calculations (including a person’s day of birth, present year’s birthday, and the year and the date the person will turn 65 years old so he or she can retire), Literature/Authors, Shakespeare, Telephone Area Codes, major ZIP Codes, all TV stations and their markets. He can identify most classical music compositions and tell the date the music was written and the composer’s birth date and place of birth and death Kim has read (and can recall) some 7600 books. He also keeps current on world, U.S. and most local events by reading newspapers, magazines and by listening to the media. He reads constantly He can also describe the highways that go to a person’s small town, the county, area code and ZIP code, television stations available in the town, who the person’s pay their telephone bill to, and describe any historical events that may have occurred in their area. His expertise includes at least 14 subject areas.”
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Old 03-19-2019, 08:55 PM
 
Location: Forest Service Cabin 90% of the yr
52 posts, read 6,784 times
Reputation: 67
Quote:
Originally Posted by nana053 View Post
The person Rainman was based on was a savant. Most autistic people don't have savant skills.

https://www.wisconsinmedicalsociety....man-real-life/

https://www.wisconsinmedicalsociety....real-rain-man/
Yes, if you read my post it was in response to something someone else said.

I never said most Autistics are akin to Rain Man. I've only met one "Rain Man" if you will.

We knew one Savant. He would frequently ask people their birthday with year and he could tell them what day of the week they were born
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Old 03-19-2019, 09:14 PM
 
143 posts, read 82,390 times
Reputation: 550
I work in a group home for people with intellectual disabilities, autism and some have mental llnesses as well.
I spend time with wonderful, intelligent, creative individuals who need support to live the best life they can.
I deal with many horrible, callous, resentful siblings and guardians.
Our individuals improve their behavior problems a lot when they get away from families that scapegoat them and drag them down.
I’m shocked but not surprised that neurotypical people on this forum, in this day and age speak of killing and abusing people with disabilities.
I also find the word “retard” just beyond offensive.
It would be a good idea for the family in question to find a satisfactory placement for their child and relinquish guardianship.
Before it gets worse for the young person.
Someone like me will try the repair the damage the family has caused.
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Old 03-19-2019, 10:17 PM
 
430 posts, read 121,695 times
Reputation: 1570
Quote:
Originally Posted by SMSweeney View Post
I work in a group home for people with intellectual disabilities, autism and some have mental llnesses as well.
I spend time with wonderful, intelligent, creative individuals who need support to live the best life they can.
I deal with many horrible, callous, resentful siblings and guardians.
Our individuals improve their behavior problems a lot when they get away from families that scapegoat them and drag them down.
I’m shocked but not surprised that neurotypical people on this forum, in this day and age speak of killing and abusing people with disabilities.
I also find the word “retard” just beyond offensive.
It would be a good idea for the family in question to find a satisfactory placement for their child and relinquish guardianship.
Before it gets worse for the young person.
Someone like me will try the repair the damage the family has caused.
Thanks for pointing out the "retard" comment. I have no problem with the word "retardation" - though now outmoded, it used to be a valid medical term (as did "imbecile", "moron", and "cretin", until they were also deemed offensive and no longer used). But "retard" is derogatory, right up there with the "N" word in my book. I had an Uncle with moderate retardation, he lived independently with some help from one of his sisters, he was able to hold down a job and was considered to be a very good employee, and was a nice enough guy. He was killed crossing a highway at night. So for me, it's also a bit personal. Thanks for looking out for some of the least of us.
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Old 03-19-2019, 10:31 PM
 
68 posts, read 18,611 times
Reputation: 203
Quote:
Originally Posted by parentologist View Post
There but for the grace of God could have gone any of us. What do you do when you have a child who cannot become independent, who is ruining your life? Group home is the answer. And the planning for all of this should have begun by the time the child was entering high school, if not earlier.

TENS OF THOUSANDS of families in the United States would love to find a "group home" for their family member, but they are few and far between. Waiting lists can easily be a decade in length.

Even if a family is able to find a group home, if the individual becomes "difficult" they can be kicked out leaving the family scrambling to find alternative housing.

Saying a group home is the answer is easy to say..........finding one is not remotely easy.
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Old 03-19-2019, 11:54 PM
 
Location: colorado springs, CO
4,524 posts, read 2,071,158 times
Reputation: 15539
Quote:
Originally Posted by Redraven View Post
I do believe that person needs to be placed in a group home staffed by professional, caring people. Yes, we taxpayers will have to support such places.
Yep & in my state that will be almost $500 per day, per person.

For 1/4th of that a parent could hire their own respite care/day programs/therapists & set up a special needs trust for their child for after they are gone. Heck, make it taxable income ... I’d actually love to be a taxpayer again. The current system victimizes the disabled, their families & the taxpayers.
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Old Yesterday, 01:15 AM
 
Location: colorado springs, CO
4,524 posts, read 2,071,158 times
Reputation: 15539
Quote:
Originally Posted by tamajane View Post
Interesting she can hold it together until she gets with mom. It sounds like those guys who are good at work all day then come home and take it out on their wives and beat them.
It’s not necessarily the mom; it’s the primary caregiver & usually, that person is the mom. In families where the dad is the stay-at-home, primary caregiver; the adolescent will target the dad.

Meltdowns are not tantrums, in fact they are almost the opposite. Tantrums signal the desire to gain control, while meltdowns signal the desire to relinquish control. It’s like screaming; “I can’t do this anymore!”

ASD behaviors start after a crucial “brain gardener” cell in the brain becomes disabled, which allows for an overgrowth of connections in the brain for incoming stimuli. That’s why the lights, sounds or crowds are so overwhelming: The incoming stimuli gets detoured into multiple pathways instead of one streamlined path.

Primary caregivers learn out of necessity what their child’s “triggers” are & adapt their environment accordingly. It’s non-negotiable, if you plan on having any ability to function.

This is a set up for the child to become dependent on them to function as a type of “router” for all things “coming in” & all things “going out”. When puberty & the “angst” hits & the router is still hooked up; “I feel moody” turns into “You are making me moody” & the primary caregiver becomes the target for the push back.

All things felt; come in through me & will go out through me ... Meaning that everything will be my fault, eventually.
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