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This is something that never gets discussed much. Once upon a time, children who were "handicapped" or "disabled" tended to be institutionalized. Nowadays parents are expected to care for them no matter how it damages the family.
May I Cut My Daughter Out of My Life?
By Kwame Anthony Appiah
I am the parent of a high school student with multiple issues... Nearly two decades of this has battered our marriage and careers... Having lost the middle chunk of my life to chaos and misery, am I really condemned to live this way until I die?
I didn't find it vague at all. The mother feels like she is being held hostage by her daughter, who has autism, learning disability and a severe mood disorder. She can mostly function throughout the day but lets it all go and rages while at home in the evenings with hourslong tantrums that have led neighbors to call the police multiple times.
Even when the daughter becomes of age, the state where she lives requires that she will always be a ward of her parents and so her mom feels hopeless about her own future after 20 years of dealing with this.
It's an advice column, not an article. The mom was asking the columnist if it would really be that bad if she just disappeared one day and left her daughter to fend for herself.
That is a hardship but it's also very sad to put the child into an institution where they could be abused, raped, etcetera and would be cast out of the family.
But I can't read the article unless I pay to subscribe and I'd rather not do that.
I did have a relative with issues and his parents were lifelong caregivers. But at one point they did put him in an institution. But they couldn't agree on keeping him there and his father returned to get him back. They were caregiving well into their old age.
While she's a minor, she needs evaluated by the Regional Center for services.
They can really assist a lot if she does this prior to the girl turning 18.
After 18, she will never qualify. Diagnosis must be made while she's a minor.
Part of these supports is having support for this girl to live independently as all adults would.
Whether that is in a group situation, a host family, etc...
Federal Law via the Lanternman Act, established Regional Centers which are require to provide supports.
God bless these parents
Last edited by FrugalFox.; 03-18-2019 at 05:14 AM..
That is a hardship but it's also very sad to put the child into an institution where they could be abused, raped, etcetera and would be cast out of the family.
But I can't read the article unless I pay to subscribe and I'd rather not do that.
I did have a relative with issues and his parents were lifelong caregivers. But at one point they did put him in an institution. But they couldn't agree on keeping him there and his father returned to get him back. They were caregiving well into their old age.
You can read the article if you use incognito mode
There but for the grace of God could have gone any of us. What do you do when you have a child who cannot become independent, who is ruining your life? Group home is the answer. And the planning for all of this should have begun by the time the child was entering high school, if not earlier.
There but for the grace of God could have gone any of us. What do you do when you have a child who cannot become independent, who is ruining your life? Group home is the answer. And the planning for all of this should have begun by the time the child was entering high school, if not earlier.
Unfortunately there are many road blocks along the way. The number of people needing supervised housing, monitoring of meds, and support programs is far larger than the number of facilities and resources available. Many of the laws put in place for protection of individuals are major road blocks to the families who are largely responsible for caring for individuals such as the child of the mother the OP referenced. The number of individuals with autism, bipolar, and similar challenges is significant. Our social services and medical system is not sufficient to provide the support necessary. Many families lack the financial resources to pay for all the services necessary to support a child with significant issues. However, this does not change the fact that at some point as an adult the disabled individual will be on their own.
There are solutions but they require a significant level of public/private cooperation and changes to some laws that ironically restrict housing options for people needing supports.
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