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These kids need stability, not a new man in their life. Sounds like you don't really need a new man in your life either. Good grief, put them first and stay where you are, and stop parading men through their lives for a while.
The OP won't come back because 4/5ths of us thought it was a bad, silly, selfish or otherwise questionable idea.
I am ALL FOR parents moving when they need to move and to better the family. Or because the family has to move. Teenagers need to fall in line then and MOVE. Friends can be made anywhere. True friends will endure. Family first.
This woman told us a lot. She is financially insecure. She has known this man for under two years. She has not spent ONE year living in the same community as he does. They have no common friends. Background checks only show so much.
If you NEED to do a background check on someone, that says a lot.
The OP never said she was in love with him. She said it was a good thing to do.
I do not and will not EVER understand moving in with someone with children when you hardly know them. AND other children that the OP mentioned are virtual strangers.
Why subject yourself or your children to this potentially toxic and volatile situation?
I think we often tell ourselves that what is best for us, will ultimately be best for our kids. I don’t think that is necessarily true. Ask yourself, would this move be the better choice for my kids? And talk to them but more important, LISTEN to them. Good luck with whatever you decide.
The OP won't come back because 4/5ths of us thought it was a bad, silly, selfish or otherwise questionable idea.
I am ALL FOR parents moving when they need to move and to better the family. Or because the family has to move. Teenagers need to fall in line then and MOVE. Friends can be made anywhere. True friends will endure. Family first.
This woman told us a lot. She is financially insecure. She has known this man for under two years. She has not spent ONE year living in the same community as he does. They have no common friends. Background checks only show so much.
If you NEED to do a background check on someone, that says a lot.
The OP never said she was in love with him. She said it was a good thing to do.
I do not and will not EVER understand moving in with someone with children when you hardly know them. AND other children that the OP mentioned are virtual strangers.
Why subject yourself or your children to this potentially toxic and volatile situation?
You know - I didn't even really think about him beyond, "This poor, gullible guy/moochee-to-be."
Why is a successful business owner with assets, disposable income, and family/friends/supportive local community investing in his home for who knows what kind of step-mother (think about it from his children's mother's perspective) and her teen-angsty daughters from several states away? A single mom who isn't financially comfortable? Why? He'd be considered a catch... why is no one local-to-him catching him? Long-distance is awful even under perfect circumstances. It's suspicious. What kind of reputation and/or issues does this guy have that he's having to look so far away and willing to swallow so many negatives for, let's be honest, a partner who's not coming to the table with much? Healthy adults - especially those with children - generally look for stability in a potential spouse, not for another dependent, much less three.
I think we often tell ourselves that what is best for us, will ultimately be best for our kids. I don’t think that is necessarily true. Ask yourself, would this move be the better choice for my kids? And talk to them but more important, LISTEN to them. Good luck with whatever you decide.
Yes, it is very hard sometimes to put others before yourself. I sympathize to an extent, but I made the opposite choice to the OP. After my divorce, I dated some, and at a couple of points, I there was an opportunity to become serious and bring a man into their orbit. But I was the mom of two very sensitive girls who were upset by the divorce and their dad's choice to almost instantly marry someone else...who did not want anything to do with his kids.
They needed a lot of attention from me, so I made the choice to hold off on getting serious with any other man until they were grown and living their own lives.
Now 10 years later I'm in an empty nest living in a place where single, educated men my age are hard to come by. So I did make a sacrifice. But I have ZERO regrets. I know I did the right thing, for MY situation.
In the coming months I'm planning to move to a new area and start a new life...so who knows what might happen next!
I said it earlier, I think it's a good sign that he enlarged his 'nest' for his future step daughters. His actions are saying "I am transforming MY home, to make it OUR home, which includes the children." I think that's a big committment right there, and I think it shows that he is serious and using forethought.
I lived all over and I survived. Sure I would have liked it if I could have spent all those years in one place but that was not to be. The person who made the money got to say where we lived and my needs and wants were not even considered. In retrospect, that's fine because my parents fed, clothed, and put a roof over my head. We went where the job was.
Also with 20/20 hindsight, it was good for me. I grew up unafraid of change and capable of doing things like moving cross country or even to another country. A lot of those people I went to school with never moved more than few miles away from home. I feel sorry for them!
If you have a chance for happiness, take it.
You feel sorry for them? People that got to stay with friends and family. People that got to know their grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins? For most people those are the happiest memories.( this is where people from disfunctional families like to jump in.)
If the man the OP posted about was worth a damn he would have told you to wait four years.
You know - I didn't even really think about him beyond, "This poor, gullible guy/moochee-to-be."
Why is a successful business owner with assets, disposable income, and family/friends/supportive local community investing in his home for who knows what kind of step-mother (think about it from his children's mother's perspective) and her teen-angsty daughters from several states away? A single mom who isn't financially comfortable? Why? He'd be considered a catch... why is no one local-to-him catching him? Long-distance is awful even under perfect circumstances. It's suspicious. What kind of reputation and/or issues does this guy have that he's having to look so far away and willing to swallow so many negatives for, let's be honest, a partner who's not coming to the table with much? Healthy adults - especially those with children - generally look for stability in a potential spouse, not for another dependent, much less three.
These were my questions also. Other than the obvious, available sex, I don't see the "up side" for this man.
Except for the two teenage girls...
He does seem as though he would be attractive to many women. A business owner who is financially comfortably willing open his home to a strange woman and her daughters? Why? And why are local single women not flocking to him? Women with jobs, an education and an empty nest?
For normal men. for better or for worse, extra teenagers that are not their own, and a "turn off" not a "turn on".
....We've dated long distance and ultimately we would like to be together. ....
And the phrase in bold means what?
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