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Old Yesterday, 12:23 PM
 
1,544 posts, read 436,438 times
Reputation: 1945

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sassybluesy View Post
Come on. You know you're not the bad guy. This man's son held a mirror up to the dad, and the dad didn't like what he saw. The issue is with the other dad. Not you. Too bad for the son though.
Yeah if it wasnt the activities, it would have been something else that the dad didnt like, where he was deficient. Cookies, hugs, positive affirmation. You cant really take the blame in this situation. Apparently he is beyond reason. If you get strife from parents that equally keep their kids and friends active during visits, then you can explore what the problem might be.
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Old Yesterday, 12:37 PM
 
Location: Central, NJ
2,375 posts, read 4,950,463 times
Reputation: 3214
Quote:
Originally Posted by sandiskman View Post
I've always been one to keep my kids active. All kinds of activities, sports, travel, anything to keep them busy and learning. My son, who is 12, has friends over often and I always keep the kids busy never letting them sit in the house. We do all kinds of fun things (trampoline park, go kart racing, sports, museums, etc).

In any case his best friend who he's known for a year stopped coming over our house. I spoke to the mother and she informed me that the father does not want the kid over our house anymore. The reason? The kid was always talking about how much fun we had an all the things I did for the kid, so the father (who is in and out of jail, broke as a joke, etc) got pissed off. He felt like I was stepping on his toes as the father because the kid always talked highly about me.

I mean seriously is this how people think? So a kid doesn't want to just vegetate at home doing nothing all day, enjoys spending time with me and my kid because we actually do things, and I'M THE BAD GUY??? Has anyone else experienced this?
1. Perhaps the family knows what you think of them.

2. I'd put the brakes on it, too if you considered my son to be spending time with YOU and his friend. They are 12. When they are together, they should be spending time together and you should be out of it.
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Old Yesterday, 12:47 PM
 
5,257 posts, read 2,777,951 times
Reputation: 23538
Quote:
Originally Posted by sandiskman View Post
I've always been one to keep my kids active. All kinds of activities, sports, travel, anything to keep them busy and learning. My son, who is 12, has friends over often and I always keep the kids busy never letting them sit in the house. We do all kinds of fun things (trampoline park, go kart racing, sports, museums, etc).

To the OP--

Your title and your narrative do not go together. No one called you a bad parent. Nice and being a bad parent have nothing to do with this situation.

The kid's family sounds like they have turmoil in their home. Rather than be mad at them, have some compassion for them. Maybe they cannot afford to do the things you can do with your family. They cannot compete with you. I would imagine it is difficult when one has a child and they cannot afford such things as taking their family go kart racing, trampoline park, museums, sports, travel, etc. I am sure when the child comes home and says to his parents: "why can't we do these things?" it would be painful for them.

Not everyone is as fortunate as you. You don't know the father's story.

Compassion goes a long way.

Last edited by GiGi603; Yesterday at 12:57 PM..
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Old Yesterday, 12:53 PM
 
Location: North Idaho
21,768 posts, read 27,416,770 times
Reputation: 41433
(shrug) Beats me. My kid's friends were always at my house and their parents were always glad of the free babysitter.


We did some fun stuff, but I also put the kids to work. They cleaned stalls, groomed horse, built fences, cleaned tack, gardened, and they were expected to have proper manners.

Some of the parents reciprocated, some didn't. One of the neighbors took his kid and my son pheasant hunting every fall. Mostly, gangs of kids were at my house getting fed and loved and taught. Nobody complained. I think that 100% of the mothers were stay at home moms, except they didn't stay at home. Their kids came to my house and the moms went out shopping or out to "do lunch".
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Old Yesterday, 01:59 PM
 
Location: One of those east cost liberal states
8,795 posts, read 5,062,848 times
Reputation: 14390
Maybe the parents are afraid that you're a creeper, using your kid and a whirlwind of fun as "bait"
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Old Yesterday, 02:00 PM
 
5,534 posts, read 1,955,917 times
Reputation: 13025
Hmmm.


Suddenly I'm wondering if we're getting the whole story.


OP, are you married? Maybe I'm crazy, but I'm thinking you're a single dad, and MAYBE you spend a little too much time not just with this guy's kid, but maybe also his wife?


If I'm wrong...let me know. I'll apologize.
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Old Yesterday, 03:15 PM
 
Location: Kirkland, WA (Metro Seattle)
3,822 posts, read 3,092,006 times
Reputation: 6740
Quote:
Originally Posted by sandiskman View Post
I've always been one to keep my kids active.

In any case his best friend who he's known for a year stopped coming over our house. I spoke to the mother and she informed me that the father does not want the kid over our house anymore. The reason? The kid was always talking about how much fun we had an all the things I did for the kid, so the father (who is in and out of jail, broke as a joke, etc) got pissed off. He felt like I was stepping on his toes as the father because the kid always talked highly about me.

I mean seriously is this how people think?
1) Never underestimate humanity's ability to be petty. Stalin used to send his underlings to the gulag after a few years, just to shake things up, for example. Classic gangsterism.

2) Never underestimate the value of showing concern and kindness for today's youth, they'll have it tough when it's time to work. The kids who are out in the world past few years are a bit grim, I think they're going to be some tough conservative mothers and fathers in a few years, but parenthood will be later than previous generations due to economic hardship.

3) Never underestimate a loser's capacity for blaming others for his or her massive and obvious shortcomings as a mother, father, and general contributing member of society. Their own very poor decision making confounds me, as OP is confounded, the few times I've tried to befriend individuals who are ultimately little more than 21st Century highwaymen, petty thieves, road agents, and scum of the Earth. Those who have "contact" with the police on a regular basis almost certainly deserve whatever they get, if that's not clear enough.

4) Neither over- (nor under)estimate your own ability to be confounded by 1, 2, and 3 above. I personally am over it, I truly do not give a (whit) and admire those who still do.

I am not a parent, but do have eyes and ears. Also, I've been "Uncle BB" to 4-6 of friend's kids as they grew up, and I know good from bad parenting.
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Old Yesterday, 04:29 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
76,110 posts, read 67,963,668 times
Reputation: 73298
Quote:
Originally Posted by sandiskman View Post
I've always been one to keep my kids active. All kinds of activities, sports, travel, anything to keep them busy and learning. My son, who is 12, has friends over often and I always keep the kids busy never letting them sit in the house. We do all kinds of fun things (trampoline park, go kart racing, sports, museums, etc).

In any case his best friend who he's known for a year stopped coming over our house. I spoke to the mother and she informed me that the father does not want the kid over our house anymore. The reason? The kid was always talking about how much fun we had an all the things I did for the kid, so the father (who is in and out of jail, broke as a joke, etc) got pissed off. He felt like I was stepping on his toes as the father because the kid always talked highly about me.

I mean seriously is this how people think? So a kid doesn't want to just vegetate at home doing nothing all day, enjoys spending time with me and my kid because we actually do things, and I'M THE BAD GUY??? Has anyone else experienced this?
It's not you, it's him. The other dad knows he's the bad guy, the deadbeat, but he can't process that in his brain, so he lashes out, and displaces the blame. This shouldn't surprise you, coming from a repeat offender with no direction in his life.

That's too bad. My parents weren't involved with their kids hardly at all, so I took myself to museums, parks, bookstores, the beach. Your place sounds like a lot of fun; mind if I come over?
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Old Yesterday, 04:42 PM
 
Location: Middle of the ocean
30,180 posts, read 19,051,124 times
Reputation: 43576
It's not what people think, it is what that ONE person thinks.
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Old Yesterday, 05:05 PM
 
Location: here
24,780 posts, read 29,567,121 times
Reputation: 32080
Quote:
Originally Posted by sandiskman View Post
I've always been one to keep my kids active. All kinds of activities, sports, travel, anything to keep them busy and learning. My son, who is 12, has friends over often and I always keep the kids busy never letting them sit in the house. We do all kinds of fun things (trampoline park, go kart racing, sports, museums, etc).

In any case his best friend who he's known for a year stopped coming over our house. I spoke to the mother and she informed me that the father does not want the kid over our house anymore. The reason? The kid was always talking about how much fun we had an all the things I did for the kid, so the father (who is in and out of jail, broke as a joke, etc) got pissed off. He felt like I was stepping on his toes as the father because the kid always talked highly about me.

I mean seriously is this how people think? So a kid doesn't want to just vegetate at home doing nothing all day, enjoys spending time with me and my kid because we actually do things, and I'M THE BAD GUY??? Has anyone else experienced this?
What you describe here is not "nice" as your title says. When my kids do an activity with another family, I feel like I need to reciprocate. In your case, the other family is not able to reciprocate. When my kids go to another child's house for a playdate, unless there is something else planned, I expect them to stay at or near the house, maybe ride bikes, play in the the back yard, etc.

What you describe sounds excessive to me. You don't have to ALWAYS be on the go, NEVER "vegetating" at home. As an introvert, I value my down time. Some kids are like that, too. In this case, the way your family operates is not compatible with the friend's family. It has caused problems within their family unit. You should consider what they said, and try to understand it.
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