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Old 03-28-2019, 09:02 AM
 
Location: Texas
8,416 posts, read 3,179,054 times
Reputation: 17664

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Spuggy View Post
I agree. Doing nice things for other children is noble but parents also have to be cautious of their child being groomed by someone they don’t know. There may be complicating issues like you mention.
Grooming is something I thought about too. Perhaps that is part of the parent's concern. Who knows. I pay for my child's friends to do things with us but I hope that's not considered inappropriate.

Last edited by PriscillaVanilla; 03-28-2019 at 10:26 AM..
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Old 03-28-2019, 09:10 AM
 
192 posts, read 326,926 times
Reputation: 308
While I understand you are doing a nice thing by taking this kid places, you need to understand that not everyone shares your parenting philosophy.

I don't agree that kids need to be constantly entertained by their parents, they need to entertain themselves. Ride a bike, explore the neighborhood, throw a ball around, listen to music, read book, watch TV, play a game or just talk to their friends.

I don't think you are the bad parent, it's just that these people want something different for their kid.
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Old 03-28-2019, 09:24 AM
 
Location: Loudon, TN
5,430 posts, read 4,589,296 times
Reputation: 18189
I thank heaven my mom didn't feel the way this kid's dad did. I was raised by a single mom. We were broke all the time and mom had her hands full with working, often 2 jobs, to keep us housed and fed. I am so glad that my best friend's parents understood the 12 year old's dynamic of needing to be with a buddy to have fun. I was invited with their family to go camping, to pizza, to theme parks, to the pool, etc. My mom always gave me a little spending money to take, so I wouldn't be totally dependent on the friend's parents, but they paid my entry costs, etc. 50 years later I am still in contact with my friend and her sisters. I was so sad to hear when her parents passed. Without them my childhood would have been a much lonelier time.
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Old 03-28-2019, 12:45 PM
 
3,249 posts, read 1,435,588 times
Reputation: 12296
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheShadow View Post
I thank heaven my mom didn't feel the way this kid's dad did. I was raised by a single mom. We were broke all the time and mom had her hands full with working, often 2 jobs, to keep us housed and fed. I am so glad that my best friend's parents understood the 12 year old's dynamic of needing to be with a buddy to have fun. I was invited with their family to go camping, to pizza, to theme parks, to the pool, etc. My mom always gave me a little spending money to take, so I wouldn't be totally dependent on the friend's parents, but they paid my entry costs, etc. 50 years later I am still in contact with my friend and her sisters. I was so sad to hear when her parents passed. Without them my childhood would have been a much lonelier time.
This is different , your mother was part of the equation and encouraged this and shared in the choices and helped pay. No comparison to this situation at all.
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Old 03-28-2019, 12:46 PM
 
5,591 posts, read 1,976,824 times
Reputation: 13106
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kibbiekat View Post
What you describe here is not "nice" as your title says. When my kids do an activity with another family, I feel like I need to reciprocate. In your case, the other family is not able to reciprocate. When my kids go to another child's house for a playdate, unless there is something else planned, I expect them to stay at or near the house, maybe ride bikes, play in the the back yard, etc.

What you describe sounds excessive to me. You don't have to ALWAYS be on the go, NEVER "vegetating" at home. As an introvert, I value my down time. Some kids are like that, too. In this case, the way your family operates is not compatible with the friend's family. It has caused problems within their family unit. You should consider what they said, and try to understand it.

OP didn't say...but I'm kind of thinking he's a single dad who gets his kids on the weekend. My premise for thinking that was...he didn't mention "our kids" or my wife and I think our kids should be active, etc." but it's just a guess.


Also...it's the other father's wife that tells him the boy won't be coming over anymore...and OP's over reaction to the news. I don't know...just feels off to me.
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Old 03-28-2019, 01:42 PM
 
Location: Texas
8,416 posts, read 3,179,054 times
Reputation: 17664
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sassybluesy View Post
Also...it's the other father's wife that tells him the boy won't be coming over anymore...and OP's over reaction to the news. I don't know...just feels off to me.
I would have been offended too, though, if someone said all that to me.
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Old 03-28-2019, 01:55 PM
 
5,591 posts, read 1,976,824 times
Reputation: 13106
Quote:
Originally Posted by PriscillaVanilla View Post
I would have been offended too, though, if someone said all that to me.
Yeah...I guess I would too...but would I over react by saying "I'm the bad parent in town because of how nice I am"?


It's just that little voice in my head...it just doesn't sound right to me. But I'm not 100% convinced of my own opinion. lol
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Old 03-28-2019, 02:07 PM
 
Location: Teach an Fhir Bholg
12,426 posts, read 13,723,766 times
Reputation: 33896
Quote:
Originally Posted by sandiskman View Post
I've always been one to keep my kids active. All kinds of activities, sports, travel, anything to keep them busy and learning. My son, who is 12, has friends over often and I always keep the kids busy never letting them sit in the house. We do all kinds of fun things (trampoline park, go kart racing, sports, museums, etc).

In any case his best friend who he's known for a year stopped coming over our house. I spoke to the mother and she informed me that the father does not want the kid over our house anymore. The reason? The kid was always talking about how much fun we had an all the things I did for the kid, so the father (who is in and out of jail, broke as a joke, etc) got pissed off. He felt like I was stepping on his toes as the father because the kid always talked highly about me.

I mean seriously is this how people think? So a kid doesn't want to just vegetate at home doing nothing all day, enjoys spending time with me and my kid because we actually do things, and I'M THE BAD GUY??? Has anyone else experienced this?
A person you have described as a dubious parent criticizes you, and you post a article entitled:

"I'm the "bad parent" in town because of how nice I am. Anyone experience this."

The guy is a jerk, but you have a victim ego as big as all outdoors.

Last edited by kevxu; 03-28-2019 at 02:17 PM..
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Old 03-28-2019, 02:30 PM
 
Location: Loudon, TN
5,430 posts, read 4,589,296 times
Reputation: 18189
Quote:
Originally Posted by Spuggy View Post
This is different , your mother was part of the equation and encouraged this and shared in the choices and helped pay. No comparison to this situation at all.
I agree to the extent that the child's parent must be contacted to give consent, and to know the physical location of the child, as well as who is present and what they are planning to do. But I think the OP's heart is in the right place, and that he's just trying to be a giving parent who provides fun and enriching experiences to his child, and includes his kid's friends. In the case of this one boy, he will have to abide by the dad's rules, at least until dad's next visit to the grey-bar hotel, at which time the mom will be the one in charge.
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Old 03-28-2019, 05:14 PM
 
Location: here
24,783 posts, read 29,589,334 times
Reputation: 32095
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sassybluesy View Post
OP didn't say...but I'm kind of thinking he's a single dad who gets his kids on the weekend. My premise for thinking that was...he didn't mention "our kids" or my wife and I think our kids should be active, etc." but it's just a guess.


Also...it's the other father's wife that tells him the boy won't be coming over anymore...and OP's over reaction to the news. I don't know...just feels off to me.
That's totally possible.
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