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Old Yesterday, 11:59 AM
 
8,990 posts, read 3,503,892 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SoHoVe View Post
The point is tho, that each individual child needs to be raised in a way that allows them to understand that everything isn't about THEM and not every action will include them.

Birthday gifts honor the birth of those born on that specific day.

Offering gifts to others negates this in my opinion
I'm kind of uncomfortable with the exclusion of this.

Yes, it's true. It's her birthday. She gets to choose what we'll have for dinner, she gets the presents, her friends are at the party, she gets to blow out the candles and make the wish, and she's the one we sing to.

I'm not communicating this very clearly, but I like the "position of honor" the sibling of the birthday child has, in being recognized also.

I think the more welcoming and inclusive you are of people, the more they're willing not to be the center of attention. My kids were HAPPY to give the extra present that came in the packet to their siblings - sharing in the "wealth".

It's people who are starved for being the center of attention, IMHO, who insist on exclusiveness.

(Like those dreadful women who get mad if a family member is born on their birthday, or who get mad if they're pregnant and a sibling gets pregnant at the same time too, hogging their "spotlight" they think they exclusively deserve. Having a gift for a sibling also teaches the birthday child that everything isn't all about them - they can share the spotlight and not be diminished by sharing.)
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Old Yesterday, 12:52 PM
 
12,146 posts, read 7,198,166 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ClaraC View Post
I don't understand this story.

She buys an item that she thinks a child that age will really like for her daughter. Her daughter DOES like it, so when your daughter's birthday comes around, she buys that item for your daughter.

I have to work pretty hard to find anything sinister here.

Also, if I were giving a gift to another child that my own child really wanted, I'd find a way for them to earn that item or if their birthday was coming up, say they could ask for that.

Seems like some serious sibling rivalry going on, Naley.

What's cuter than one little cousin saying to another, I have that toy myself and I really love it, that's why we bought one for you!
That's how I interpreted it as well. I read the story multiple times trying to figure out what i missed and why the daughter was upset.
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Old Yesterday, 12:57 PM
 
8,990 posts, read 3,503,892 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sundaydrive00 View Post
That's how I interpreted it as well. I read the story multiple times trying to figure out what i missed and why the daughter was upset.
I reread it again, and now I think I understand.

At the time the sister bought the gift for the OP's child's birthday, she also bought the identical thing for her own daughter even though it wasn't her birthday, her birthday was 6 months ago.

And the OP's daughter felt bad because she didn't get that privilege - of having the same gift bought for her when the OP bought the niece a birthday gift.

I kind of understand more, now.
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Old Yesterday, 12:58 PM
 
Location: Ft Myers, FL
2,485 posts, read 1,180,605 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sundaydrive00 View Post
That's how I interpreted it as well. I read the story multiple times trying to figure out what i missed and why the daughter was upset.
I did, too. Hopefully there will be clarification, perhaps with example names and gifts involved.

ETA: timing is everything!
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Old Yesterday, 04:34 PM
 
Location: Lawrenceville, Pittsburgh
1,801 posts, read 1,486,066 times
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Interesting opinions out there. We are considering this for my son at my daughter’s first birthday. He will be two and a half, and the timing is such that it is a good time to get him a small balance bike as the weather breaks. According to most this thread, I would be enabling his sense of entitlement if I give him something nice on a day when his sister is likely to get 20+ gifts. Mind you, we ask others not to bring gifts, but that doesn’t seem to deter anyone.
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Old Yesterday, 04:42 PM
 
15,724 posts, read 17,479,904 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by WhoIsStanwix? View Post
Interesting opinions out there. We are considering this for my son at my daughterís first birthday. He will be two and a half, and the timing is such that it is a good time to get him a small balance bike as the weather breaks. According to most this thread, I would be enabling his sense of entitlement if I give him something nice on a day when his sister is likely to get 20+ gifts. Mind you, we ask others not to bring gifts, but that doesnít seem to deter anyone.
A Balance Bike is a pretty big gift. Why not wait until his birthday to give him that.
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Old Yesterday, 04:44 PM
 
Location: Lawrenceville, Pittsburgh
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nana053 View Post
A Balance Bike is a pretty big gift. Why not wait until his birthday to give him that.
His birthday is in October, which means he would miss an entire year of using it. This would actually be bigger than any gift we have gotten him to date. We are trying to encourage him on the bike sooner rather than later.
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Old Yesterday, 04:57 PM
 
8,990 posts, read 3,503,892 times
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I wouldn't give him the bike in conjunction with his sister's birthday either, because that sets expectations very high.

Why not just give him the bike? If you think he'd benefit from it, then just say he's a big boy now, we're going to get you a big boy bike!

Maybe a week before her birthday party?
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Old Yesterday, 05:09 PM
 
16,368 posts, read 13,744,427 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SoHoVe View Post
The point is tho, that each individual child needs to be raised in a way that allows them to understand that everything isn't about THEM and not every action will include them.

Birthday gifts honor the birth of those born on that specific day.

Offering gifts to others negates this in my opinion
Maybe that is how you feel about birthday gifts, but we aren't "honoring" anyone on their birthday in our family. Again, it maybe cultural to some degree, but in many places the birthday child is supposed to throw a party or get gifts for their friends and family not that the child is entitled to gifts because it is "their day". I never really got that idea anyway, its still everyone's day...but that is for another thread.

Birthday's aren't really a big deal around here. Same with christmas. I heard a friend say to her preschooler "wait until your birthday" when he asked for some item or other at the mall the other day. I realized this is a very different mindset and one I think is more common in this thread than not. We didn't have very many toys, but if something was asked for, I never told them to wait until their birthday. Either it was "yes" or "no" or "you should use your allowance for that item".
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Old Yesterday, 05:11 PM
 
16,368 posts, read 13,744,427 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by WhoIsStanwix? View Post
His birthday is in October, which means he would miss an entire year of using it. This would actually be bigger than any gift we have gotten him to date. We are trying to encourage him on the bike sooner rather than later.
I would just give him the bike, but not at the siblings birthday party. The next day, the next week whatever.
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