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Old 04-11-2008, 09:22 AM
 
Location: lumberton, texas
652 posts, read 2,411,010 times
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Here and there I have been reading a lot of posts of people needing help with certain situations requiring or not requiring extra dicipline. I'm wondering if anyone uses consistant dicipline for most situations and what you do.

3-4 yrs ago I went to a parenting workshop from school. It was about "smart dicipline". It changed everything I did and I still love it. I use it for both my 6yr old and 12 yr old but it varies a little for each.

first it started out with all of us sitting at the table and writing a list of their favorite things (this kept them involved in the process but they didnt know exactly what it was for) We also wrote down rules of the house, put it on card board and made it pretty. basically in short. whenever they disobey a rule of the house they get an "X". after 3 X's they start loosing their favorite privaledges (Sweets, electronics (not tv), tv, friends, etc) They know exactly what and why they are loosing things so there is no fighting. they take responsibility of their own actions. The 6 yr old goes on a sunday through sat schedule. all x's drop sat. the 12 yo's x's las for 7 days. when the 6 yr old was younger it was daily.

When I first started this there was a lot of crying and tantrum throwing. after a few weeks of staying consistant it worked out beautifully. And when I say consistant I truly mean consistant. I had friends and family come down on me pretty hard a couple of times when we went to social gatherings and my daughter had to find an empty room or space and read because she got to the point of loosing all privaledges. I felt the rest of the family shouldnt have to loose out and miss these fun times but I also did not want to give in and let her play with her friends.

So anyway.... what does everyone else do?
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Old 04-11-2008, 09:26 AM
 
Location: lumberton, texas
652 posts, read 2,411,010 times
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I forgot to add that if they go a whole week without an "X" we do something special. That was not in the "smart dicipline workshop", I added it on my own for some positive reinforcement.
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Old 04-11-2008, 09:48 AM
 
Location: Eastern PA
1,263 posts, read 4,284,220 times
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I use age-appropriate natural consequences for discipline, starting with my toddler and up to my teen. I totally agree that consistency is key to successful discipline. However, I especially strive to "make the punishment fit the crime" so to speak - to be gentle yet firm and to educate with each discipline step I take. I'm going for the long-term goal of a well-behaved, self-disciplined, responsible adult...
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Old 04-11-2008, 12:23 PM
 
1,628 posts, read 5,773,289 times
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I go w/the "natural consequences" wherever possible. I also don't do 3 tries anymore. I used to, but then I noticed that the kids were doing something twice, but not the 3rd time b/c they knew they had 3 chances!
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Old 04-11-2008, 01:39 PM
 
Location: Lake Forest, CA
269 posts, read 701,486 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by frogandtoad View Post
I go w/the "natural consequences" wherever possible. I also don't do 3 tries anymore. I used to, but then I noticed that the kids were doing something twice, but not the 3rd time b/c they knew they had 3 chances!
Tell me about it. When my 7 year old used to get in trouble, he asks these questions:

(After telling him if he doesn't finish his homework on time, he won't go to recess tomorrow) --- "Well what about second recess?"

(After telling him he won't get to go to Chuck E. Cheese on his birthday if he kept acting up...) --- "OK. Well what about next year?"

The latest, I told him to do something (I forgot what it was) and if he didn't do it, he wouldn't be able to go to his friend's house and play. Guess what the little smart alec said? --- "That's ok, we can play over here."

They can be little smart alecs sometimes!
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Old 04-11-2008, 02:11 PM
 
Location: lumberton, texas
652 posts, read 2,411,010 times
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Call me stupid, but what is "natural consequences"? Do they always know what the punishment will be?
What is the natural consequence to some of the basic stuff kids do like talking back, not cleaning there room, etc? What if they get into a fight at school or get home 20 min after they are suppose to?

I just thought this might be a good thread for parents who think their methods need a little revamping and its also nice to see diferent ways people do things.

no one way is the right way.
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Old 04-11-2008, 02:19 PM
 
Location: Minnysoda
8,015 posts, read 8,078,833 times
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I have found that a good butt wipping goes along way.........
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Old 04-11-2008, 03:20 PM
 
Location: Kingman AZ
15,371 posts, read 33,754,701 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by frogandtoad View Post
I go w/the "natural consequences" wherever possible. I also don't do 3 tries anymore. I used to, but then I noticed that the kids were doing something twice, but not the 3rd time b/c they knew they had 3 chances!
Same here......consequences become available with the FIRST infraction ....since anything that they can do or not do has already been done or not done....and if they haven't tried it they are FULLY aware of right from wrong.
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Old 04-11-2008, 07:49 PM
 
Location: Eastern PA
1,263 posts, read 4,284,220 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by emailvasally View Post
Call me stupid, but what is "natural consequences"? Do they always know what the punishment will be?
What is the natural consequence to some of the basic stuff kids do like talking back, not cleaning there room, etc? What if they get into a fight at school or get home 20 min after they are suppose to?

I just thought this might be a good thread for parents who think their methods need a little revamping and its also nice to see diferent ways people do things.

no one way is the right way.
Not a stupid question at all. Let me try to answer your questions. I "discovered" this method a few years back when I found this book used at a book sale:
Amazon.com: Logical Consequences: Rudolf Dreikurs,Grey: Books
I also like the book Parenting with Love and Logic

It worked so well with my oldest and his temperament that I adopted this style. Here is a good article about it:
Perspectives on Discipline: The Effectiveness of Natural and Logical Consequences - Part III

For talking back, I state that I will not listen to them anymore if they are going to talk like that and I leave the situation and ignore them for awhile.

For the room cleaning, I do the "When your Room is clean, then you may (state something they would LOVE to do here) versus punishing and taking privileges away if it is not done. My oldest didn't bring his laundry down to the bins a few weeks ago. It only took one day at school in "dirty" clothes to drive that lesson home, as the laundry has been in the proper place ever since LOL

Hope that answers the questions for you.
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Old 04-11-2008, 07:56 PM
 
3,084 posts, read 6,463,911 times
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Logical consequences are really very simple if you cut out all the complications we tend to put in there.
If you talk back to me I will not listen to you.
If you don't clean your room, you can't do 'whatever is coming next'.
If you are late coming home then you have an earlier curfew.
If you make a mess, you clean it up.
If you hurt someone you give them first aid.

Cut it to the simplest form, then alter if needed for your own circumstances.
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