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Old Yesterday, 04:21 PM
 
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"better" is a relative term.
just like grandparents.
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Old Yesterday, 04:24 PM
 
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Speaking only for myself, I think that pressure is put on parents to be "perfect" to raise "perfect" children, and when the kids of these parents do not perform to expectations, their parents take it personally, which just makes things worse.

With grandkids, their grandparents can just ENJOY them.
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Old Yesterday, 05:52 PM
 
Location: Washington state
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Quote:
Originally Posted by floridarebel View Post
I hear a lot by people that their parents were/are abusive but make better grandparents and get along with their grandkids. Parents and their own adult kids often argue and don't get along despite being past teenager years. Every once in a while you do hear about grandparents having bad relationships with their grandkids or not even acknowledging them but that is in the minority. Seems like compared to the olden days, grandparents have become more involved with grandkids lives maybe in part to longer lives and retirement.

Hmmm...I don't know. My dad had a bad temper and was abusive to me and my brothers, but my one brother used to say he had mellowed in his old age. This was years after I'd moved out. He seemed mellower, but then he had a stable job, few expenses (kids all gone), and was making good pay.

I wasn't convinced, though. He had had no therapy, never apologized to us kids, and never really talked to us. I swore any grandkids I might have would never be left alone with him, as I still considered him to be unpredictable. Unfortunately, I was right.

I had gone home on a visit and brought my large dog, with both parents' blessing (it was cheaper than boarding him). What I didn't realize was my dad was losing his job and hadn't told anyone. One day my mom put up a blanket and let my dog curl up on the sofa and go to sleep (OK, that was her only grandchild at that point and she was spoiling him).

My dad came up from the basement furious over who knows what, grabbed my dog by the back of the neck and threw him across the living room. The dog weighed 75 pounds. Why my dad wasn't bitten, I'll never know and what was weirder, I know he actually liked the dog. But I can only imagine what my dad would have done to a small child who annoyed him.

So grandparents with a history of abuse can still be triggered and small children are really good at being loud, demanding triggers. Some people change as they get older, but most people don't and what made them mad at 20 will probably make them mad at 60. Without acknowledging what they did when they were younger, I think most parents who were abusive to their kids will still snap with their grandchildren if enough pressure is put on them.
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Old Yesterday, 07:19 PM
 
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The reward for parenting is grandparenting.
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Old Today, 07:21 AM
 
Location: Washington State
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As young parents, wife and I were under a lot of pressure without money and too far from parents for their help...we made mistakes but we did okay. As grandparents, we help our kids out and have more time and resources to help them. Plus we are more relaxed.
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