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“He's not my son and I leave the discipling to my husband so if my husband is ok with her coming, then I have no recourse to say no.”
Is it possible that this is the thing that is really bugging you, rather than the money? It’s hard to feel voiceless. How long has he been your stepson? How do you and your husband view your parenting role, and do you feel ok with whatever your agreement/understanding is?
They sound like they are acting like regular 15 year olds, largely oblivious to money matters. Don’t shut it down, it’s great that they both want to spend time with you. Yes, it’d be nice if the parents sent some cash with her, but it’s not worth making a big deal about it. Doesn’t sound like there’s a need to send money next time he goes somewhere with them.
It feels like no one is talking to anybody in this case. The son doesn't ask if the GF can come; he tells you and your husband she's coming and neither you nor your husband apparently tells the son anything different, so the son isn't going to change that. You have not apparently told your husband you have issues with your money paying your stepson's GFs way, not have you told your stepson r the GS's family.
So the first thing you need to do is start talking to the folks involved in this. There may be a logical reason the GF's family does not send money with her. They may not know you expect it, may not know your money situation isn't that great. Start talking to people. Don't feel like you have to take her along, too. Maybe some days instead of going out, just have a home cooked meal. I promise you the answer is not nearly as omplicated as you seem to be making it out to be.
Then why do you spend $300 on wedding gifts, as you stated just recently in a thread. That's a lot of money if you aren't earning high incomes.
Oh snap!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cloudwalker
“He's not my son and I leave the discipling to my husband so if my husband is ok with her coming, then I have no recourse to say no.”
And so it is... Blood is thicker than water. Leave it alone.
I have to agree that if she comes along, I feel it is proper to pay her way. I would not have ever expected one of my sons' friends to pay for anything. Sorry--it is just part of parenting.
Then why do you spend $300 on wedding gifts, as you stated just recently in a thread. That's a lot of money if you aren't earning high incomes.
That's her business. Apparently it's in the budget, feeding someone else's kid isn't. I'd feel the same way she does, but I would put an end to bringing the boy's friend all the time. People (including kids) will take, take, take.
When our kids friends come along, we pay. When their gf/bf comes along we pay. When he goes to their house and calls us because hes hungry we have called the pizza place and paid for his dinner. Because we are those kind of people. And so are you. Youre setting a good example for your child about being the kind of person who makes sure his family is taken care of ( friends too!). These are frustratingly important lessons.
That being said, since the conversation has never taken place there are a lot of question marks. Example, perhaps the g/f doesn't have any money of her own and when your son shows up with money they assume its his own money and since she has none they don't give her any. Perhaps they are old school and assume the whole it takes a village thing and when shes with you you will take care of her. Perhaps your son is using the money you provide to buy his g/f gifts or souvenirs on their outings and her parents are paying. So many unanswered questions. It is time to sit down and have a conversation with your son about bringing friends along and asking first to ensure its possible. And if youre friendly with her parents, just start throwing requests for her to pay her own way in there. Start slowly, they should get the point. For example if you go to six flags (or somewhere that requires a ticket) reach out to her parents and say hey we are going to x place this weekend and son wants to bring daughter. and include a link to the ticket page. You don't have to ask them to buy it, the link should be enough. Be passive aggressive but make it clear.
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