U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old Today, 06:23 AM
 
8,705 posts, read 13,001,798 times
Reputation: 4634

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by PriscillaVanilla View Post
Then why do you spend $300 on wedding gifts, as you stated just recently in a thread. That's a lot of money if you aren't earning high incomes.

Also, why can't the stepson pay for his "date" that he's asking her to attend with him. Does she choose these activities?
We go to weddings once a year. I dont see what that has to do with anything. We live in a highly affluent area & $300 is the standard rate most people are giving for weddings in the LI / NYC / NJ metro area.

He is 15. He doesnt have a job. We give him allowance & from what I know he buys video game stuff with it
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old Today, 06:26 AM
 
8,705 posts, read 13,001,798 times
Reputation: 4634
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jim1921 View Post
From a financial perspective, if you are only “scraping by”, why are you even going out?
So we’re never supposed to do anything fun? Just stay home & be hermits?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old Today, 07:03 AM
 
8,705 posts, read 13,001,798 times
Reputation: 4634
It isn’t even that what we’re doing is fancy stuff. We took them to the movies the other night it was $12 per adult ticket, then they wanted snacks at the movies that was another $24 then after the movies they wanted ice cream that was another $12. We can’t pass them off as children anymore bc they are 14 & 15 & look it so we have to pay the adult price when we go to movies. The day ended up being close to $100.

I signed up for one child. I didnt sign up for 2
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old Today, 07:06 AM
 
Location: Northern Virginia
4,949 posts, read 5,187,795 times
Reputation: 12045
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jdawg8181 View Post
We can't afford it … we're scraping by.


Also he doesn't ask us if she can come, he just says "she's coming" (& I think b/c she asks to come).


Regardless, we always send our stepson with money. If her family wants to pay for him, that's fine, but we don't expect it.
The next time you have a family activity planned, your husband needs to set expectations with his son when he tells him about that activity and before son invites the GF.

"We're going to the amusement park on Saturday. Jane is welcome to come, but tell her to bring money because she'll need to buy her own ticket. Or we can take it out of your allowance if you're treating her."

Also, dad should explain to son that the family is on a limited budget. He's 15, it's not too early to start teaching your son how to properly budget and manage money. Set him up now to do be able to do it successfully in the future.

FWIW, I think it's nice that a 15-year old still enjoys and wants to do family activities. That's usually the age where they've become more independent and doing anything with the family is not cool.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old Today, 07:14 AM
 
8,705 posts, read 13,001,798 times
Reputation: 4634
Quote:
Originally Posted by HokieFan View Post
The next time you have a family activity planned, your husband needs to set expectations with his son when he tells him about that activity and before son invites the GF.

"We're going to the amusement park on Saturday. Jane is welcome to come, but tell her to bring money because she'll need to buy her own ticket. Or we can take it out of your allowance if you're treating her."

Also, dad should explain to son that the family is on a limited budget. He's 15, it's not too early to start teaching your son how to properly budget and manage money. Set him up now to do be able to do it successfully in the future.

FWIW, I think it's nice that a 15-year old still enjoys and wants to do family activities. That's usually the age where they've become more independent and doing anything with the family is not cool.
The thing is, he’s lived with his mom up until about beginning of this year. He asked to come live with us. We live in a different state than his mother - i’ve never had a full-time child - this was literally kind of thrown at me.

I think my husband has a hard time saying no to him because he’s kind of making up for lost time
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old Today, 07:14 AM
 
11,848 posts, read 9,654,701 times
Reputation: 15445
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jdawg8181 View Post
My stepson is 15 and he has his first girlfriend. It's great and he is very sweet to her and they seem like they both like each other a lot.


Lately he has been asking her to come on our family outings. I don't particularly mind, but every time she comes with us, we have to pay for her. My husband and I don't make a lot of money. Her parents never send her out with any money so that ultimately falls on us. Conversely, whenever our stepson goes out with her family, we send him with money, b/c we feel that is the right thing to do.


Not sure if we should say something or just let it go?
We assume we pay for friends when they come out with us. Different families are different. Stop sending money with your step son?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old Today, 07:17 AM
 
Location: Florida
5,209 posts, read 3,467,891 times
Reputation: 10164
If we allow our teens to invite a friend on a family outing, we pay for the friend. They aren't really dating anyone, so we haven't encountered that yet, but I'm sure the same would go for a boyfriend/girlfriend. With that being said, they don't just randomly invite friends on family outings; they ask first. I'd find it odd for a 15-year-old to assume that if the family is going somewhere, he can just invite the girlfriend without finding out if it's okay first. In my opinion, that is the main issue. If he does ask if he can bring the girlfriend, that's your opportunity to say, "yes, that's fine, and we will pay for her," or "yes, that's fine, but she will need to pay her own admission," or "no, this is for our family only."
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old Today, 07:21 AM
 
8,705 posts, read 13,001,798 times
Reputation: 4634
I’m just going to stop sending him with $$ i guess. I thought that was the right thing to do but not sure now
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old Today, 07:22 AM
 
8,705 posts, read 13,001,798 times
Reputation: 4634
Quote:
Originally Posted by somebodynew View Post
We assume we pay for friends when they come out with us. Different families are different. Stop sending money with your step son?
Ya i think thats going to the be answer. I try to do the right thing but it seems her parents & us think differently on what’s right ...
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old Today, 07:37 AM
 
610 posts, read 245,697 times
Reputation: 645
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jdawg8181 View Post
So we’re never supposed to do anything fun? Just stay home & be hermits?
Is it fun “scraping by”? When your finances are stretched to the point that you have pain with the inclusion of one other person, you have a bigger issue.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply

Quick Reply
Message:


Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. | Please obey Forum Rules | Terms of Use and Privacy Policy

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top