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Old Today, 07:40 AM
 
8,861 posts, read 7,857,685 times
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In polite society, when a young man invites his girl friend to go some place, the girl is his guest and is not expected to pay her own way.

If we invite a couple over for dinner. we supply the food and prepare it, we don't expect them to pay half. The will usually bring a couple of good bottles of wine. The same if we invite a couple out to dinner, I expect to pickup the check. Guests are not expected to pay their own way.

If her going along as a guest is a financial hardship lay down the law she is not invited.
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Old Today, 07:43 AM
 
610 posts, read 245,697 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jdawg8181 View Post
We go to weddings once a year. I dont see what that has to do with anything. We live in a highly affluent area & $300 is the standard rate most people are giving for weddings in the LI / NYC / NJ metro area.

He is 15. He doesnt have a job. We give him allowance & from what I know he buys video game stuff with it
It is not what you think others are spending or keeping up with the Joneses. You should give a wedding gift based on what you can afford. As said with the other post, if your finances are materially impacted by the inclusion of one other person, you likely have a larger issue with your overall finances.
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Old Today, 07:44 AM
 
8,705 posts, read 13,001,798 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by oldtrader View Post
In polite society, when a young man invites his girl friend to go some place, the girl is his guest and is not expected to pay her own way.

If we invite a couple over for dinner. we supply the food and prepare it, we don't expect them to pay half. The will usually bring a couple of good bottles of wine. The same if we invite a couple out to dinner, I expect to pickup the check. Guests are not expected to pay their own way.

If her going along as a guest is a financial hardship lay down the law she is not invited.
Yes yr correct but he is 15 so he doesn’t have a source of income / his income is us
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Old Today, 07:54 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Jim1921 View Post
It is not what you think others are spending or keeping up with the Joneses. You should give a wedding gift based on what you can afford. As said with the other post, if your finances are materially impacted by the inclusion of one other person, you likely have a larger issue with your overall finances.
We go to one wedding a year. That isn't the problem. We didn't have the kid up until beginning of this year so kids are expensive and that's largely where our finances are more impacted now than they were last year.


Everything we did prior to him coming was just me and my husband then it was our son and now it's the gf. So … things add up when you add more people consistently to the mix.
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Old Today, 07:55 AM
 
8,705 posts, read 13,001,798 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by oldtrader View Post
In polite society, when a young man invites his girl friend to go some place, the girl is his guest and is not expected to pay her own way.

If we invite a couple over for dinner. we supply the food and prepare it, we don't expect them to pay half. The will usually bring a couple of good bottles of wine. The same if we invite a couple out to dinner, I expect to pickup the check. Guests are not expected to pay their own way.

If her going along as a guest is a financial hardship lay down the law she is not invited.
It's not necessarily a 'hardship' but we have had to sacrifice on certain things we have wanted as a couple to be able to afford to have his son and the gf come along.
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Old Today, 07:59 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Jim1921 View Post
Is it fun “scraping by”? When your finances are stretched to the point that you have pain with the inclusion of one other person, you have a bigger issue.
We don't make great money but we do ok. Highest priced housing market in the country though, whoop whoop!


We're not poor but we're also not rich and it would be nice to have our hard-earned money go to us and our son, not someone else's kid.
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Old Today, 08:05 AM
 
Location: Texas
8,479 posts, read 3,211,430 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jim1921 View Post
Is it fun “scraping by”? When your finances are stretched to the point that you have pain with the inclusion of one other person, you have a bigger issue.
I agree with this. However, poster previously said in a different thread that they spend $300 on a wedding gift and if someone can afford to spend that amount, they are not having serious financial difficulties. It seems odd to spend $300 on a gift but then have an issue with spending a much smaller amount on someone else. And with a 15 year old kid it's to be expected they might not have their own money. Just an opinion, that's all.

We always pay for my daughter's friends if we take them somewhere. If we can't afford it, we don't do it; or we take them to the park or something cheap like a dollar movie.
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Old Today, 08:12 AM
 
Location: Dallas TX
14,850 posts, read 21,331,309 times
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If you don't have the funds you need to have a serious talk with your stepson. First, make sure you and your husband are aligned in your thinking. This can't happen anymore.

Tell your stepson that if he invites his girlfriend he has to pay with his own money or her parents will have to pay for her. If he invites her along, they can't go, period. You and your husband can go without them.
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Old Today, 08:16 AM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
41,532 posts, read 40,279,237 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jdawg8181 View Post
It isn’t even that what we’re doing is fancy stuff. We took them to the movies the other night it was $12 per adult ticket, then they wanted snacks at the movies that was another $24 then after the movies they wanted ice cream that was another $12. We can’t pass them off as children anymore bc they are 14 & 15 & look it so we have to pay the adult price when we go to movies. The day ended up being close to $100.

I signed up for one child. I didnt sign up for 2
Surprise! Kids are expensive.

You're just reacting negatively to a change. You need to get your own bruised feelings out of the way and look at the big picture. You "signed up" for one kid, but fortunately for that kid he has friends who want to hang out with him. And those kids (including your son) won't usually have income or they will forget money or their parents weren't home when the plans were made so most of the time you will have to suck it up and pay for whatever y'all are doing.

Going forward, if you're going to the movies, say no to snacks. Bring your own snacks into the theater. No one is required to pay those prices for food.

Sounds like you will need to adjust your budget, and your own expectations, to accommodate this new situation.
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Old Today, 08:29 AM
 
8,705 posts, read 13,001,798 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PriscillaVanilla View Post
I agree with this. However, poster previously said in a different thread that they spend $300 on a wedding gift and if someone can afford to spend that amount, they are not having serious financial difficulties. It seems odd to spend $300 on a gift but then have an issue with spending a much smaller amount on someone else. And with a 15 year old kid it's to be expected they might not have their own money. Just an opinion, that's all.

We always pay for my daughter's friends if we take them somewhere. If we can't afford it, we don't do it; or we take them to the park or something cheap like a dollar movie.
A wedding is once a year. The gf comes out with us on a consistent basis. It's different.
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