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Old Today, 03:18 PM
 
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My stepson is 15 and he has his first girlfriend. It's great and he is very sweet to her and they seem like they both like each other a lot.


Lately he has been asking her to come on our family outings. I don't particularly mind, but every time she comes with us, we have to pay for her. My husband and I don't make a lot of money. Her parents never send her out with any money so that ultimately falls on us. Conversely, whenever our stepson goes out with her family, we send him with money, b/c we feel that is the right thing to do.


Not sure if we should say something or just let it go?
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Old Today, 03:23 PM
 
Location: South Carolina
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Wow maybe they don't give her money because they don't want her going out anywhere with you all ? could that be the case ? have you talked to them about this and if so did you get a not so nice vibe ? just curious .
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Old Today, 03:29 PM
 
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Originally Posted by phonelady61 View Post
Wow maybe they don't give her money because they don't want her going out anywhere with you all ? could that be the case ? have you talked to them about this and if so did you get a not so nice vibe ? just curious .
They may not want her to but they let her but paying for her shouldn't be our responsibility, especially when we drop him off at their house for a day out, I always say to the mother "He has this amount of $$" so they know we gave him something. Whether they actually pay for him, IDK, but it's the principal that when you are going out with someone else's family, you should have $$.
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Old Today, 03:33 PM
 
Location: Pacific Northwest
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When I dated someone and they asked me out to family events I assumed things were paid by the person who invited me. It sounds like you still view your son as a child inviting a friend to come with the family at the beach and her and the other parents view this as a typical dating relationship were the young man pays for his date unless there's a spoken agreement ahead of time.

If you want your son to pay for his date tell him. If you can't afford her to come tell him that she can't go unless she pays for her ticket/dinner/whatever.
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Old Today, 03:34 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jdawg8181 View Post
My stepson is 15 and he has his first girlfriend. It's great and he is very sweet to her and they seem like they both like each other a lot.


Lately he has been asking her to come on our family outings. I don't particularly mind, but every time she comes with us, we have to pay for her. My husband and I don't make a lot of money. Her parents never send her out with any money so that ultimately falls on us. Conversely, whenever our stepson goes out with her family, we send him with money, b/c we feel that is the right thing to do.


Not sure if we should say something or just let it go?

You COULD put it to your son that he only invites her along if he intends to pay for her way. I'm guessing if he was dating her and had a car...that would be the rule...right? That he has to pay for his own dates?
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Old Today, 03:35 PM
 
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Originally Posted by musicfamly5 View Post
When I dated someone and they asked me out to family events I assumed things were paid by the person who invited me. It sounds like you still view your son as a child inviting a friend to come with the family at the beach and her and the other parents view this as a typical dating relationship were the young man pays for his date unless there's a spoken agreement ahead of time.

If you want your son to pay for his date tell him. If you can't afford her to come tell him that she can't go unless she pays for her ticket/dinner/whatever.
We can't afford it we're scraping by.


Also he doesn't ask us if she can come, he just says "she's coming" (& I think b/c she asks to come).


Regardless, we always send our stepson with money. If her family wants to pay for him, that's fine, but we don't expect it.
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Old Today, 03:37 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Sassybluesy View Post
You COULD put it to your son that he only invites her along if he intends to pay for her way. I'm guessing if he was dating her and had a car...that would be the rule...right? That he has to pay for his own dates?
I mean he doesn't have a job … but I would like to put my foot down and say no. He's not my son and I leave the discipling to my husband so if my husband is ok with her coming, then I have no recourse to say no.
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Old Today, 03:41 PM
 
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Well...if your husband is OK with it, is it your husband providing the money? Has your husband complained about the cost of bringing along the girl?
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Old Today, 03:42 PM
 
8,678 posts, read 12,995,788 times
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Originally Posted by Sassybluesy View Post
Well...if your husband is OK with it, is it your husband providing the money? Has your husband complained about the cost of bringing along the girl?
It's our money together, in a joint account.


He hasn't said anything but that doesn't mean he isn't feeling it. I think he knows being with her makes his son happy so he just goes with it.
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Old Today, 03:43 PM
 
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It seems like, to me, that first you and your husband need to get on the same page about this. Son is going to do what son is going to do, until there's a consequence....ESPECIALLY if dad doesn't care.
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