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Old Yesterday, 06:57 AM
 
11,856 posts, read 9,662,493 times
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Outlier here. You don't WANT to. But do it anyway. Be where your kid is.
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Old Yesterday, 07:40 AM
 
5,792 posts, read 6,517,335 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nov3 View Post
What does the court order state?
I find this a rare instance since the courts decide the visitation. How was she granted custody?
My state doesn't even allow a parent to move from the area if they want visitation.
I'd suggest getting a lawyer and hashing out visitation.
Nice thing about orders.. they can be modified.

This baby momma needs to receive a reality check. The kid deserves a fatherly role model.are you that role model or just a title?
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheShadow View Post
You still haven't stated her age. So we really don't know how many years you will need to arrange visits or move for. Hard to recommend anything without that info.

Personally, I'd hire a lawyer and file a request to amend the visitation orders. Since you are out of state, obviously she can't come to you during school time, but you have summers, spring break, winter break, etc. You could alternate having her for the Christmas holidays, and you might be able to arrange a monthly visit in which you fly to her town for a 3 day weekend, and you have visitation there, probably at a residence hotel or something like that, unless you have family there that could put you two up (Grandma's house?), or you can afford a little one bdrm apartment there to use when you visit.
Quote:
Originally Posted by blueherons View Post
News flash!

Mom is not the dictator is this situation.

File papers in family court to get court ordered visitation.

Easier said than done. Every trip to the courtroom runs about $15,000.


And for what?


If the Mother is the gate keeper, they can make life hell regardless of what the court may order.


Been there. Mother made it VERY difficult to schedule dates. Then I would be half way there and get the message that the time was off; child wants to stay overnight with a friend.


Or, child has track meet at 9; play date with friend at 1; study group at 3; hair cut a 4:30; dinner at a friends house at 6; and wants to see a TV show a 9. The mom intentionally packs everything into your time just to be vindictive. Does it violate court order? No, but it makes you just a pawn.


YOU do what is good for YOU. The child will survive. There is only so much of this crap you can take before you drive yourself crazy trying to do the impossible. Don't get "guilt tripped" ( I heard from the mother: "You don't love your daughter or you would want to see her more often".)


I got to the point where I had enough. I will see the children when they are 18 and can make their own decisions. It worked fine for all. And I preserved my sanity.


YOU first. It is NOT selfish at all. No-one other than YOU knows what you have been through, and how much you can tolerate before taking control without losing your sanity.
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Old Yesterday, 09:43 AM
 
Location: State of Transition
76,204 posts, read 68,310,564 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by blueherons View Post
News flash!

Mom is not the dictator is this situation.

File papers in family court to get court ordered visitation.
This. OP, is your ex's change in parenting-time arrangements out of compliance with the court's visitation stipulations? She may not have the right to do.what she's doing. If you love your job and your life out West, you should exhaust all possibilities of fixing the current situation, first. I'm not sure that a miserable dad close by would be better for your daughter than a happy dad who "can do much more for his daughter", farther away.

Think carefully, and do your research, before jumping into a life-altering decision.
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Old Yesterday, 11:39 AM
 
50,770 posts, read 41,014,427 times
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Tough to make any firm decision based upon the limited information but I would have to say that if you make the most of the time you do have and that it's good and positive, that would be better than having more time that is negative and puts you back in a bad place mentally.
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Old Yesterday, 10:42 PM
 
16,395 posts, read 14,123,865 times
Reputation: 36776
What does the daughter want?
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Old Today, 05:31 AM
 
5,693 posts, read 2,601,236 times
Reputation: 14456
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ted Bear View Post
Easier said than done. Every trip to the courtroom runs about $15,000.


And for what?


If the Mother is the gate keeper, they can make life hell regardless of what the court may order.


Been there. Mother made it VERY difficult to schedule dates. Then I would be half way there and get the message that the time was off; child wants to stay overnight with a friend.


Or, child has track meet at 9; play date with friend at 1; study group at 3; hair cut a 4:30; dinner at a friends house at 6; and wants to see a TV show a 9. The mom intentionally packs everything into your time just to be vindictive. Does it violate court order? No, but it makes you just a pawn.


YOU do what is good for YOU. The child will survive. There is only so much of this crap you can take before you drive yourself crazy trying to do the impossible. Don't get "guilt tripped" ( I heard from the mother: "You don't love your daughter or you would want to see her more often".)


I got to the point where I had enough. I will see the children when they are 18 and can make their own decisions. It worked fine for all. And I preserved my sanity.


YOU first. It is NOT selfish at all. No-one other than YOU knows what you have been through, and how much you can tolerate before taking control without losing your sanity.
A liason for the resolution does not cost 15k. The filing is 300$ and the court appoints the liason to review the court order for modifications. I'm deeply sorry that you chose to hand over 15k.

The legal custodial parent is in violation if they deliberately reschedule or not abide by the days and times of exchange. Been there..know that.

The "me first" doesn't bode well in a family Court. The adults are given opportunity to compromise or assert their legal rights.

The op has yet to chime in on many circumstances that would aide in recourse directives.

I tend to think he may not be close to his offspring even if he lived on the same street. Some parents or bio donors just aren't active in this role.
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