U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 04-10-2019, 08:36 AM
 
2 posts, read 783 times
Reputation: 10

Advertisements

A few years ago I moved away from my daughter after a series of traumatic events with her mother. I was mentally broken and decided to leave the entire situation behind. I ended up out west and started an amazing career that allowed me to do so much more for my daughter.

I would see her often and at the time everything was great. I was able to live in a city that I love filled with opportunities and beautiful weather. I got to start over.

Well, her mother isn't being as nice now and my parenting time has been cut down to about two months per year which has been very tough to deal with. I've missed games and events and that really eats me up. So, I made the decision to move back to where my daughter lives so I don't miss these life events and to take control of my parenting time.

This is where it gets sticky. I absolutely hate this town. I am reminded of all of the bad memories that I've had there and mentally it kills all of the excitement I once had about moving closer to her. I feel like such a terrible person because I should be super excited about having more time with her, after all, it's what I wanted.

I don't know what to do. Anytime I think about this I just default to being a terrible person.

TL;DR - I miss my daughter and I have the opportunity to leave the big city I live in now to move to her small city on the other side of the US, but that city is filled with negative memories and I don't want to move there.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 04-10-2019, 09:01 AM
 
5,747 posts, read 2,031,343 times
Reputation: 13412
I'm a little confused.


I miss my daughter and I have the opportunity to leave the big city I live in now to move to her small city on the other side of the US, but that city is filled with negative memories and I don't want to move there.


You WERE out west, but now you're back in Illinois, to be closer to your daughter? Or...are you saying you currently have the opportunity to move closer to your daughter...but hate the town she lives in?


Would it be possible to move CLOSER to your daughter, but avoid the actual town? Like, for example, let's say your daughter lives in a suburb of Chicago. Could you move to say...downtown Chicago, as opposed to the suburb your daughter lives in?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-10-2019, 09:33 AM
 
1,443 posts, read 456,366 times
Reputation: 2236
So mother has changed and cut down your visiting time. So the distance wasn't a problem until this happened. Can you not solve visitation rights from a distance? That is what you seem to be talking about....not visiting but the rights. The rights became a problem only recently. I don't know how good you'll be with the muck and mire and horrible spiral down you seem to be concerned will happen once again if you move.

How old is your daughter?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-10-2019, 09:54 AM
 
5,747 posts, read 2,031,343 times
Reputation: 13412
Quote:
Originally Posted by petsandgardens View Post
So mother has changed and cut down your visiting time. So the distance wasn't a problem until this happened. Can you not solve visitation rights from a distance? That is what you seem to be talking about....not visiting but the rights. The rights became a problem only recently. I don't know how good you'll be with the muck and mire and horrible spiral down you seem to be concerned will happen once again if you move.

How old is your daughter?

Good question. Depending on how old she is, you might be able to persuade her to live with you.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-10-2019, 10:10 AM
 
1,098 posts, read 742,939 times
Reputation: 3907
You can always move later, your daughter is only a child once and she needs to know who you are and not rely on her mothers version.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-10-2019, 10:27 AM
 
1,443 posts, read 456,366 times
Reputation: 2236
Since you are happy and doing well...does that mean financially...give mom a gift now and then so she lets the visitation go as it did when you were happy with it. If not, there's always a lawyer...but try a nicety first. Do you know anyone famous in your amazing career or any great places that would give your wife a tour...just brainstorming. Seems like if wife did not dispute previous visitation there could be a way to get her back to that status.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-10-2019, 10:40 AM
 
2 posts, read 783 times
Reputation: 10
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sassybluesy View Post
I'm a little confused.


I miss my daughter and I have the opportunity to leave the big city I live in now to move to her small city on the other side of the US, but that city is filled with negative memories and I don't want to move there.


You WERE out west, but now you're back in Illinois, to be closer to your daughter? Or...are you saying you currently have the opportunity to move closer to your daughter...but hate the town she lives in?


Would it be possible to move CLOSER to your daughter, but avoid the actual town? Like, for example, let's say your daughter lives in a suburb of Chicago. Could you move to say...downtown Chicago, as opposed to the suburb your daughter lives in?

I currently live out west and have the opportunity to move closer to her. If I want max parenting time I need to be within 30 minutes of that town.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-10-2019, 11:38 AM
 
3,603 posts, read 3,404,035 times
Reputation: 8494
Quote:
Originally Posted by lostinmyownmindugh View Post
A few years ago I moved away from my daughter after a series of traumatic events with her mother. I was mentally broken and decided to leave the entire situation behind. I ended up out west and started an amazing career that allowed me to do so much more for my daughter.

I would see her often and at the time everything was great. I was able to live in a city that I love filled with opportunities and beautiful weather. I got to start over.

Well, her mother isn't being as nice now and my parenting time has been cut down to about two months per year which has been very tough to deal with. I've missed games and events and that really eats me up. So, I made the decision to move back to where my daughter lives so I don't miss these life events and to take control of my parenting time.

This is where it gets sticky. I absolutely hate this town. I am reminded of all of the bad memories that I've had there and mentally it kills all of the excitement I once had about moving closer to her. I feel like such a terrible person because I should be super excited about having more time with her, after all, it's what I wanted.

I don't know what to do. Anytime I think about this I just default to being a terrible person.

TL;DR - I miss my daughter and I have the opportunity to leave the big city I live in now to move to her small city on the other side of the US, but that city is filled with negative memories and I don't want to move there.
I don't think you should beat yourself up over it. You took care of yourself, which is important.

Maybe you can find a way to fly back more often, stay in an airbnb or cheap motel? Expensive, obviously, but a compromise between moving all the way back to the crappy town from the great town.

Does your job let you work remotely?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-10-2019, 01:32 PM
 
Location: Dallas TX
14,856 posts, read 21,348,136 times
Reputation: 21735
Quote:
Originally Posted by lostinmyownmindugh View Post
I currently live out west and have the opportunity to move closer to her. If I want max parenting time I need to be within 30 minutes of that town.
I'll ask again, how old is your daughter?

You chose to move away before, why now are you suddenly feeling like you are going to miss out? You were missing out for the years you have been out west, no matter how much visitation you were allowed, you weren't there.

I can't imagine moving away from my children because of bad memories. Even now as we are deciding where to live long term I want to make sure my kids are safe and secure as adults.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-10-2019, 01:33 PM
 
1,348 posts, read 506,539 times
Reputation: 2957
Quote:
Originally Posted by lostinmyownmindugh View Post
A few years ago I moved away from my daughter after a series of traumatic events with her mother. I was mentally broken and decided to leave the entire situation behind. I ended up out west and started an amazing career that allowed me to do so much more for my daughter.

I would see her often and at the time everything was great. I was able to live in a city that I love filled with opportunities and beautiful weather. I got to start over.

Well, her mother isn't being as nice now and my parenting time has been cut down to about two months per year which has been very tough to deal with. I've missed games and events and that really eats me up. So, I made the decision to move back to where my daughter lives so I don't miss these life events and to take control of my parenting time.

This is where it gets sticky. I absolutely hate this town. I am reminded of all of the bad memories that I've had there and mentally it kills all of the excitement I once had about moving closer to her. I feel like such a terrible person because I should be super excited about having more time with her, after all, it's what I wanted.

I don't know what to do. Anytime I think about this I just default to being a terrible person.

TL;DR - I miss my daughter and I have the opportunity to leave the big city I live in now to move to her small city on the other side of the US, but that city is filled with negative memories and I don't want to move there.

Don't move there then.Go back to court and see if you can have your daughter visit you for the summers ...Why would you have to think you had to go back to live in a place you don't want to??Go to court!! Find out what options you have. You don't sound like a terrible father...just one that needs to get some answers regarding your situation.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply

Quick Reply
Message:


Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. | Please obey Forum Rules | Terms of Use and Privacy Policy

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top