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Old Yesterday, 04:40 PM
 
5,701 posts, read 2,604,185 times
Reputation: 14466

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Rinse and repeat a lie enough...and the truth will appear.

Molesters (which I doubt this adult is) rarely publically demonstrate their antics. Be it at a table or in a social area.
Find some other plausible reason to dislike this person. The child doesn't deserve to be the pawn here ...
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Old Yesterday, 04:40 PM
 
12 posts, read 1,403 times
Reputation: 20
Thanks but no one is talking about holding his bottom or checking for wetness in a diaper. She is holding his penis with her fingers to keep him still in a picture. I can not attach anything in this forum, plus I want to protect my nephews identity, but I have shown the picture to friends who also find the hand placement and his facial expression unsettling. And she was fondly tapping his penis while carrying on a conversation with other people. My husband whose mother we are talking about also thinks this is inappropriate. And I don’t like her, but don’t put words in my mouth. I don’t hate her. I took care of her when she had breast cancer and I have been a support for her now that her son has relapsed. If you’re not going to engage with the actual content of the post, please move along. I have cared for children and have friends and cousins who I observe with their children all the time. This is different. And yes, I would take over the child care. I have already offered to take my nephew 1 of the days and she said I could come to her house and help her.
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Old Yesterday, 04:46 PM
 
5,870 posts, read 3,366,653 times
Reputation: 20486
You have listed numerous red flags for intergenerational sexual abuse. Your own questioning of your response is also typical. When abusers practice their art right in front of us we get confused - I can't really have seen what I thought I saw, can I? Why do I feel so uncomfortable? Typical responses.

That said, none of us here can definitively say one way or the other. Given what you've told us there is plenty of dysfunction to go around in the family and that is the atmosphere where sexual abuse thrives.

A big clue is the secrecy - no need to talk about it. Nothing wrong here. That's a hallmark. The family protects its shame.

I've heard of patting a child on their rump as a sign of comfort or affection but I've never heard of patting a child's genitals as normal in American culture.

You have a dilemma. Can you make an appointment to talk to a social worker about your questions? Good luck.
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Old Yesterday, 04:47 PM
 
12 posts, read 1,403 times
Reputation: 20
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sydney123 View Post
Apparently youíve already made up your mind that sheís doing something nefarious so why bother asking us?
If you are so convinced that sheís molesting your nephew why havenít you alerted the authorities? If you see something.... say something. Youíre doing a disservice to that child if heís being molested and you say nothing. Make it your business!
Personally I wouldnít poll a bunch of strangers on the internet if I thought a child was in danger. The ball is your court..... what are you going to do?
Thanks for your response. I have not made up my mind. I have an uneasy feeling and recent observations coupled with background knowledge of the family dynamic and research about symptoms of abuse have led me to be increasingly concerned. I am asking for impartial advice from strangers to get corroboration of what my friends and people close to me have already confirmed is troubling. I need this to share with my husband, who is not comfortable with me addressing the issue with his mother / alerting authorities. This is out of respect for him, and one last sanity check to make sure my instincts are in line. Surely you can understand why someone would want to proceed with caution in a family matter where there is no evidence and the young boy has already experienced a great deal of turmoil. I was in fact hesitant to go this route, because I have seen some very nasty behaviors in forum spaces, but I could not come up with an alternative.
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Old Yesterday, 04:52 PM
 
12 posts, read 1,403 times
Reputation: 20
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lodestar View Post
You have listed numerous red flags for intergenerational sexual abuse. Your own questioning of your response is also typical. When abusers practice their art right in front of us we get confused - I can't really have seen what I thought I saw, can I? Why do I feel so uncomfortable? Typical responses.

That said, none of us here can definitively say one way or the other. Given what you've told us there is plenty of dysfunction to go around in the family and that is the atmosphere where sexual abuse thrives.

A big clue is the secrecy - no need to talk about it. Nothing wrong here. That's a hallmark. The family protects its shame.

I've heard of patting a child on their rump as a sign of comfort or affection but I've never heard of patting a child's genitals as normal in American culture.

You have a dilemma. Can you make an appointment to talk to a social worker about your questions? Good luck.
Thank you very much. I appreciate your genuine engagement with a very serious issue. I do suspect that my husband is not willing to surface this issue because of some conscious or unconscious desire to keep anything that might have happened to him hidden and that the relapse with my brother in law could be connected. Can you say more specifically what the red flags are for inter generational sexual abuse?
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Old Yesterday, 05:49 PM
Status: "I have strong opinions and won't apologize for them." (set 1 day ago)
 
Location: Texas
8,536 posts, read 3,231,450 times
Reputation: 17928
I'd call her out directly on it. Tell her it's inappropriate and makes other people feel uncomfortable and to stop doing it. Sexual abuse thrives in shame and secrecy. Stop the cycle and call her out and tell her to stop doing it.
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Old Yesterday, 06:58 PM
 
16 posts, read 3,927 times
Reputation: 61
In my state, all adults are mandated reporters. I would legally need to call in your situation. Whether that's true where you are or not, if you suspect that your nephew may be unsafe, call CPS. You can make an anonymous report. They will ask questions to find out what you know and then it's in their hands to investigate. Maybe there's nothing there and they quickly close the case. Maybe they determine that your concerns are founded and take steps based on that. It's there job to sort this out. You see something - please say something.
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Old Yesterday, 07:13 PM
 
Location: North Dakota
7,515 posts, read 8,751,015 times
Reputation: 10437
Quote:
Originally Posted by Amy Onymous View Post
Thanks but no one is talking about holding his bottom or checking for wetness in a diaper. She is holding his penis with her fingers to keep him still in a picture. I can not attach anything in this forum, plus I want to protect my nephews identity, but I have shown the picture to friends who also find the hand placement and his facial expression unsettling. And she was fondly tapping his penis while carrying on a conversation with other people. My husband whose mother we are talking about also thinks this is inappropriate. And I donít like her, but donít put words in my mouth. I donít hate her. I took care of her when she had breast cancer and I have been a support for her now that her son has relapsed. If youíre not going to engage with the actual content of the post, please move along. I have cared for children and have friends and cousins who I observe with their children all the time. This is different. And yes, I would take over the child care. I have already offered to take my nephew 1 of the days and she said I could come to her house and help her.
Repeat after me, she is a predator if this is what she's doing. There is NO excuse for it. PERIOD.
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Old Yesterday, 07:19 PM
 
13,076 posts, read 20,451,222 times
Reputation: 35020
Why haven't you questioned your MIL about her hand placement as it was happening? I'm not convinced sexual abuse is happening here, but your MIL needs someone to call attention to how what may be a very innocent gesture on her part might be misconstrued. Where is the mother of the child during all this?
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Old Yesterday, 07:39 PM
 
5,870 posts, read 3,366,653 times
Reputation: 20486
Quote:
Originally Posted by Amy Onymous View Post
Thank you very much. I appreciate your genuine engagement with a very serious issue. I do suspect that my husband is not willing to surface this issue because of some conscious or unconscious desire to keep anything that might have happened to him hidden and that the relapse with my brother in law could be connected. Can you say more specifically what the red flags are for inter generational sexual abuse?
You can google these. There are a wealth of resources.

https://duckduckgo.com/?q=family+dyn...138-1__&ia=web
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