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Old 04-15-2019, 08:07 AM
 
23 posts, read 7,755 times
Reputation: 30

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Thanks for the reminder about moral relativism. I know we are all positioned and different cultures determine their own norms. Like eating a dog is cool some places but not others. My MIL is a white republican from a farm town, so she lives well within the cultural norms that make this unacceptable.
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Old 04-15-2019, 05:17 PM
 
Location: Southwest Washington State
20,942 posts, read 13,772,461 times
Reputation: 28825
Quote:
Originally Posted by nobodysbusiness View Post
What I find interesting is how blasť the OP is about this . . .

It's kind of common sense if you feel your child is being abused, you take immediate steps to stop the abuse - the OP, on the other hand, is "la la la."

My guess is that it is convenient for the OP to have this arrangement, and she is in denial because she doesn't want to go to the trouble to fix this situation and find other care (or even quit her job if her child is in immediate danger).
Please read the entire thread.
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Old 04-15-2019, 05:53 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
76,483 posts, read 68,514,138 times
Reputation: 73811
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sonic_Spork View Post
Seriously? I can't believe you are asking if this is ok.

NO IT'S NOT OK.

Your gut has been telling you it's not. I don't know if you are afraid of conflict with your MIL but you need to stand your ground and keep your child away from her. I would straight up tell her, "This is unacceptable, and I don't care why you think it's fine to do, I am this child's mother and I'm telling you it is not."

Are you very young? Are you worried that your partner will take their mother's side in this? Why on earth are you trying to mentally navigate a way to feel ok about this when you know it isn't? I feel like it's got to be a matter of you not feeling comfortable putting a stop to it. That is the only thing I can kinda make sense of.

Will she fight for visitation rights, is simply keeping your child away from her an option? I know that grandparents have won cases in some states in the past but I don't think they have an entitlement to unsupervised visitation without you being there. I would consider getting authorities involved except that I could see a spouse taking their Mom's side of the story and it being just a "he said/she said" accusation scenario where you don't get taken seriously. Unless you video the behavior or something.

You've got to make this stop though. One way or another.

EDIT: I just read where you said the father of the child, this woman's son, is not in the picture anymore. It seems very strange to me that you still have his Mom watching the child when he is "not in the picture." Get your kid away from this wacky lady.
While one might think it's normal for a grandma to want to be in a grandchild's life, even after a divorce or separation of the parents, it could also be, that she's using this as a reason to have access to an easy victim. Molestors seek out jobs or situation that give them access to victims. Babysitter is one of those jobs.

Was there anything in the father's behavior, that might have indicated he'd been molested as a child? How was his relationship with his mother?
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Old 04-15-2019, 08:18 PM
 
Location: USA
2,558 posts, read 1,952,316 times
Reputation: 4171
There's definitely personal boundaries being crossed if not abuse. A 3yr. old is much too old being held like that. There's NO reason for MIL to be putting her hand on his private area like OP described. I've babysat kids that age in the past and usually they do not want to be held as they're getting taller and bigger. And if I was holding them, my arm would be placed across their waist to prevent them from falling.
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Old 04-15-2019, 09:12 PM
 
5,073 posts, read 2,167,463 times
Reputation: 14188
Quote:
Originally Posted by Flamingo13 View Post
It wasn't "slightly disingenuous" it was a lie. Makes me wonder how truthful the rest of the post is.
This.

A lie right off the bat.

I held my son on my hip holding his diaper in the front. I might have even patted him.
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Old 04-16-2019, 06:58 AM
 
3,687 posts, read 2,618,983 times
Reputation: 6730
Quote:
Originally Posted by LLCNYC View Post
I held my son on my hip holding his diaper in the front. I might have even patted him.
The language the OP used in the title and in the description is very strange, using the word penis several times when in reality, the grandma was touching the diaper, like in the post above.

Would anyone have read it differently if she said the grandma pats the diaper nonchalantly?
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Old 04-16-2019, 09:56 AM
 
Location: Wisconsin
16,746 posts, read 16,898,504 times
Reputation: 40278
Quote:
Originally Posted by LLCNYC View Post

I held my son on my hip holding his diaper in the front. I might have even patted him.
Quote:
Originally Posted by KaraG View Post
The language the OP used in the title and in the description is very strange, using the word penis several times when in reality, the grandma was touching the diaper, like in the post above.

Would anyone have read it differently if she said the grandma pats the diaper nonchalantly?
I agree. I definitely would have read it differently, especially the part about holding on to his penis to get him to stay still for a photo I was picturing her actually holding on to his penis through his clothes & diaper instead of holding on to his body in general.
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Old 04-16-2019, 10:55 AM
 
5,073 posts, read 2,167,463 times
Reputation: 14188
Quote:
Originally Posted by KaraG View Post
The language the OP used in the title and in the description is very strange, using the word penis several times when in reality, the grandma was touching the diaper, like in the post above.

Would anyone have read it differently if she said the grandma pats the diaper nonchalantly?
This.

Quote:
Originally Posted by germaine2626 View Post
I agree. I definitely would have read it differently, especially the part about holding on to his penis to get him to stay still for a photo I was picturing her actually holding on to his penis through his clothes & diaper instead of holding on to his body in general.
Exactly.
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Old 04-17-2019, 02:32 PM
 
1,087 posts, read 1,007,375 times
Reputation: 1670
I'd like to see the picture. You could even cut out everything but the kid from the waist down to make everyone unrecognizable. Are we talking about something like this?

https://www.verywellfamily.com/thmb/...f7728ede8e.jpg

https://image1.masterfile.com/getIma...Masterfile.jpg
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Old Yesterday, 03:56 PM
 
23 posts, read 7,755 times
Reputation: 30
It is not like that at all. Those are normal ways to hold a baby. And for people who think using penis is inaccurate or alarmist, itís not. Itís exactly what she was doing - patting the penis through the diaper...the title and original post very clearly state it is penis contact through clothes. I think I attached the photo here. His head is cut off, but his expression does give some additional information.
Attached Thumbnails
Mother in law regularly touches my sonís penis over clothes-f32ec13f-bb35-412f-9e7d-be45af55e0b3.jpeg  
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