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Not sure if this is the right forum but here goes. At the time of this event I was about to turn 16. I was relatively well-educated, aware of my surroundings and knew how to handle a variety of problems.
In March 1973, about two months after my father died, my mother and grandmother took to Sonesta Beach Hotel in the Bahamas. Which I think is now the Melia Resort. My mother and grandmother decided to go shopping in downtown Nassau, about 2 miles or so away. I took one look at the available shopping and decided I'd be dreadfully bored.
I knew from prior reading that they sold turtle soup at the local zoo, so I asked to take a side trip there. I went to the bus terminal in Nassau and quickly figured out that the timing wouldn't work. I'd have to take a bus to the zoo and then double-back into town to catch a bus back to the hotel. I thus returned to the hotel, changed my clothes and went to play tennis with a girl I had met and her brother. I forgot to leave a note in the room and cell phones didn't exist then. Needless to say my mother and grandmother were furious when they came back and couldn't find me. Finally my mother stuck up for me (a rare moment) by pointing out that I did leave my street clothes on the bed, meaning I was engaged somewhere in athletic activities, either in the water or playing tennis. And to this day I never have had turtle soup.
The forum question is, was my mother and grandmother needlessly alarmed about a one-hour disappearance?
================================================== =============================================== February 1972 - Barbados
Rewind about 13 months if you will, to February 1972, except this time it was my mother and still-surviving father. We went to the Barbados Hilton. I was 14 at the time.
I loved calypso music, and told my parents I was going to the "night club at the hotel" to listen. I didn't realize there were two, one in the dining facility and one in an outdoor gazebo. I picked the latter. About an hour later I was the subject of a frantic search.
Now an aside, they would have been even more unhappy if they knew I was chatting with a doctor, who was explaining the real nature of my father's illness, quite distinct from the "happy horse-excrement" with which they were feeding me, and in turn which they were fed by their doctors.
Were these incidents "helicopter parenting" at its worst? Or was it warranted?
Having never been to Barbados, or that specific resort, in the 70s, I really can't answer. It is possible that being alone at a dance club at 14, even at a resort, was potentially dangerous and maybe not. Also, traveling alone by bus back to the resort, even at age 16, may have been dangerous and maybe not.
The "helicopter parenting at its worse"? Certainly, not. A real helicopter parent would never have left you do those two things alone.
Sometimes, even smart, educated, responsible teens/young adults are not aware of potential dangers. At the conclusion of my semester abroad as a college junior, age 21, I took a short vacation by myself to a popular tourist spot. It appeared to be completely safe and I began to explore beyond the main hotel & beach area. What I did not realize at the time was that only a few short blocks away from the safe tourist areas of town were the worst slums of the city (complete with drug dealers/robbers/thugs/pimps/prostitutes/various bad people). Let's just say that I ended up in big trouble (sexually assaulted) almost immediately. Thankfully, it wasn't serious, serious trouble (actual rape) but it was still pretty frightening and it could have been much worse.
Later, I mentioned where I had gone to an expat that I met at my hotel bar and he was absolutely horrified that I had ventured away from the main tourist area as it was extremely dangerous to do that. I was a smart capable 21 year old who acted pretty stupid in a unfamiliar place. I had absolutely no idea how much danger I had really been in when I ventured away.
Did you act stupid in those situations at 14 or 16? Maybe yes and maybe no. Were you in danger? Maybe yes and maybe no. Did your parents over react? Maybe yes and maybe no. There is really no way for people to tell, especially decades later.
Last edited by germaine2626; 08-06-2018 at 09:35 PM..
Haven't you posted about this before? It sounds very familiar.
I think its normal for a parent to be concerned about where their child is, especially when they're in a strange country and the child is not where they said they would be.
Haven't you posted about this before? It sounds very familiar.
You have a good memory. I posted a different aspect about the Barbados story; about the doctor informing me of the true medical nature of my father’s issues. I did not post about the fact that my parents were keeping unduly close track of me.
Um, no? A couple years ago, I traveled internationally with my then-15-year-old (to London). He was in a tournament at the EXCEL Centre and we stayed at a local hotel. He was able to go over to the convention center for his competition, but he wasn't allowed to leave the building without letting me know first. If he had taken off to do whatever else, I'd have been extremely worried and angry.
As much as 14-16 year olds think they are grown, they simply are not. In a foreign country, there are all sorts of cultural issues to contend with. (I work with foreign teens who come to the USA and are generally shocked at some of the differences.) A teen disappearing in a foreign country with no note and no way of contacting him/her? Any parent would be worried whether or not it was "only an hour."
When I was 16 I went to London with a school group and we were allowed to wander on our own. I also traveled with my parents and remember being allowed to roam NYC at 14, resorts at probably 12 or so and walked to the pool at 10. My parents were the opposite of helicopter parents.
Now that I have my own son I’d let him wander a resort by himself at 12, if he didn’t leave the resort. I don’t think I’d let him loose in a foreign city until he’s 16 and even then I’d want him to text to check in.
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