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Old 04-13-2019, 08:44 PM
 
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Is it common for parents to give their kids more freedom than they had at the same age?
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Old 04-14-2019, 09:53 AM
 
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I think the opposite is true. I roamed far and wide as a kid, wherever my feet or bike could take me, as long as I was home in time for dinner, my parents were unconcerned. I took a bus into NY to shop with my friends as a young teen, and babysat overnight for 5 kids starting when I was in 7th grade.

We did give our kids a lot of freedom, but many of their friends' parents didn't have the same outlook. We were fine with having free-roamers, but without all their buddies to explore with, it wasn't as much fun for our kids.
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Old 04-14-2019, 10:00 AM
 
Location: Bloomington IN
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I think so. The kind of freedom though will vary though. For example, swearing was a big no-no when I was growing up. Never even considered swearing in front of my parents. Occasionally my kids would drop a s**t or d**n. I'd admonish them, but it wasn't a major thing. Turns out they swear less than I do.
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Old 04-14-2019, 10:50 PM
 
16,864 posts, read 3,745,871 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by redguitar77111 View Post
Is it common for parents to give their kids more freedom than they had at the same age?
I plan on letting my kids drink in public in their hometown as soon as they are legal.I am not allowed to do that when I go with my parents to eat in my city.However overall, I plan on being a lot more strict on my children than my parents were with me.
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Old 04-15-2019, 12:01 AM
 
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My mom used to hitchhike all over the place as a teenager. Forget it now, you cant anymore
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Old 04-15-2019, 02:42 AM
 
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I let my daughters wear makeup, and dress as they wanted to (even youngest, who went through a "goth" stage). When I was growing up, my grandmother lived with us, and I can still hear her say to me, "Aye, yi yi that dress is short!" if it was an inch above my knees. I was slapped for "backtalk" (i.e., arguing, contradicting, debating, disagreeing, or sticking up for myself). My two daughters were encouraged to speak up if they disagreed (respectfully), and not hit just for having a different opinion.

I was also forced to go to Sunday School in grade school and my early teens (which I hated) and Confirmation Class (to join church at 14, which I didn't want to do either). I wasn't given a choice. My grandmother was always yelling at me, "Did you study your Catechism!?!) Religion was optional for my kids, they were not required to go to Sunday School or Confirmation Class (we didn't belong to a church anyway). Pretty much explains why they're openly agnostic/atheist as adults, which would have been the cause for shock and disapproval when I was growing up.

My kids didn't do the "bad" things I got away with (like underage drinking) in their youth (they are now 33 and 27). They grew up in a less tolerant time, but never had the urge to do so anyway. They're both fine, well adjusted successful adults, so I don't think I did such a bad job.

Grandsons, on the other hand, are not allowed to watch "stupid" cartoons (i.e. Spongebob), eat candy, or play video games. Almost everything's got to be "educational". I have to introduce some fun and "silliness" when I get the chance. Oldest DD (their mom) watched "Ren and Stimpy" and "Beavis and Butthead", and ate more than her share of junk, to no adverse affect.

Last edited by Mrs. Skeffington; 04-15-2019 at 03:25 AM..
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Old 04-15-2019, 03:19 AM
 
6,341 posts, read 5,380,860 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by C24L View Post
I plan on letting my kids drink in public in their hometown as soon as they are legal.I am not allowed to do that when I go with my parents to eat in my city.However overall, I plan on being a lot more strict on my children than my parents were with me.
If you are of legal age, and you are paying for your own meal, why aren't you "allowed" to?
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Old 04-15-2019, 05:28 AM
 
Location: Florida
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This can really only be answered when it isn't hypothetical. Until I had children of X age, I might have SAID I'd let them do X, Y and Z at a certain age but then when it came to that point, maybe they were allowed to do it sooner or maybe not until later.

Anyway, to answer the question, things with my kids are different but not necessarily more or less strict. They have way less work to do in terms of chores than I did. And I wasn't really allowed to have friends over but their friends are always welcome and we often have several teens sleeping over at once. We have been able to provide a lot of experiences for them that my parents did not or could not provide. But that's not a matter of us allowing them more freedom. The amount of freedom was probably about the same. I had more opportunity to run around the neighborhood and do things with random kids, mainly because we haven't lived in areas with a lot of children like the neighborhood I grew up in. Like a previous poster, I was allowed to babysit as a pre-teen; nobody now would hire a 12-year-old to care for their toddler, so that's a moot point. But no, I probably would not have allowed it even if my kids wanted to and there were young children available to babysit... too much liability and responsibility involved.
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Old 04-15-2019, 06:53 AM
 
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Mine have been raised with a far greater degree of freedom than is the norm now - but it was the norm in the '60s and '70s when I was growing up, plus they have been given far more social freedom than I had. I gave the kids cell phones by the time they were 8 yrs old, and told them, "This is MY phone, and your leash. Keep it on and answer it whenever I call you, and your roaming boundaries are wide. Don't answer, and you lose the phone, and your leash will be that you must be within my sight." They answered the phone. My kids are all very independent, which was my goal. I didn't want to raise children who were anxious and afraid to leave me.

On the other hand, they had much less access to video games and electronic media than others did, and they were expected to have high academic and musical achievement (which they wanted to do). They understood that using drugs, or excessive drinking, would mean loss of all freedom for a long time. They didn't drink or drug.

Recently, my youngest, who is in high school, was complaining to me because I wanted the kid to come home at midnight from an overnight (nerd) party because the kid had to be up by 7 to go to an event. Kid started to complain of lack of freedom. I pointed out to kid that kid had flown SOLO domestically and internationally from the age of 12, had had FAR fewer restrictions on freedom than any of kid's peers, hands down. Kid grudgingly acknowledged that it was the truth. But no matter how much freedom you give a kid, I think that as soon as any boundary is placed, they will try to push against it.

I was always sickened by the parents who never would let their children out of their sight. Their reward is an anxious child who has no self-confidence, can't survive on their own without the parent. I've seen SO many kids who tried to go away to college, and lasted one semester (or even less) before they came running home for good.
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Old 04-15-2019, 07:27 AM
 
9,324 posts, read 3,643,878 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mrs. Skeffington View Post
I let my daughters wear makeup, and dress as they wanted to (even youngest, who went through a "goth" stage). When I was growing up, my grandmother lived with us, and I can still hear her say to me, "Aye, yi yi that dress is short!" if it was an inch above my knees. I was slapped for "backtalk" (i.e., arguing, contradicting, debating, disagreeing, or sticking up for myself). My two daughters were encouraged to speak up if they disagreed (respectfully), and not hit just for having a different opinion.

I was also forced to go to Sunday School in grade school and my early teens (which I hated) and Confirmation Class (to join church at 14, which I didn't want to do either). I wasn't given a choice. My grandmother was always yelling at me, "Did you study your Catechism!?!) Religion was optional for my kids, they were not required to go to Sunday School or Confirmation Class (we didn't belong to a church anyway). Pretty much explains why they're openly agnostic/atheist as adults, which would have been the cause for shock and disapproval when I was growing up.

My kids didn't do the "bad" things I got away with (like underage drinking) in their youth (they are now 33 and 27). They grew up in a less tolerant time, but never had the urge to do so anyway. They're both fine, well adjusted successful adults, so I don't think I did such a bad job.

Grandsons, on the other hand, are not allowed to watch "stupid" cartoons (i.e. Spongebob), eat candy, or play video games. Almost everything's got to be "educational". I have to introduce some fun and "silliness" when I get the chance. Oldest DD (their mom) watched "Ren and Stimpy" and "Beavis and Butthead", and ate more than her share of junk, to no adverse affect.
You make the point I was going to make. I think the pendulum swings back and forth. I was raised in a military family that was strict and we had rules for the sake of rules. (Don't touch your hair while you're eating, don't sing at the dinner table, don't eat anything after 5 because dinner is at 6, drink your whole glass of milk, you have to ask a full day ahead of time if you want to have a sleepover friend or you want to sleep over at anyone else's house, etc).

We had very, very few rules. My kids don't have any kids yet, but I really hope that's the way they'll raise their children.

BTW, Spongebob is a fabulous cartoon. Your daughter has really missed the mark there, and I mean that.
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