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Old 04-17-2019, 02:29 AM
 
2,729 posts, read 1,463,516 times
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We have a rule that we only invite people we like, who we regularly talk to, or who we make plans with. This puts the pressure on my daughter to socialize before her birthday party. I am not saying the OP's child doesn't have friends. I just think we have better luck with RSVPs when we invite people we know.

This year our daughter went outside of the rule and invited a few more children I had not met. We told her that if they don't RSVP in a timely manner, she must remind them one more time. Then if they still don't show up, she must say that she missed them at the party. If there is no real apology, they don't get invited again. (I keep a running list in a journal that I share with my daughter every once in a while.) It has nothing to do with lack of appreciation, but for having poor social skills. If my daughter insists on inviting them again, she must interact with them in a more meaningful way throughout the year. In other words, I better hear their name come up more often.

The children I didn't know had the families who either didn't RSVP or did it at the last minute. One parent RSVP the night before asking for transportation help, which we did help with. The other parent RSVP the morning of her birthday.
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Old 04-17-2019, 05:15 AM
 
19,915 posts, read 13,106,130 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Steve McDonald View Post
If your son is heartbroken by no one coming to his party, it will be because you set him up for it, by wanting to make a social splash. You should have been aware of how popular he is with his classmates and not have put him on the spot with this proposed event. My parents would never have held a party for me, but if they'd tried, I would have vetoed it, knowing that few, if any, other kids would come. The popularity of children with their peers, is something that their parents cannot engineer.
Obviously something else your parents "never did": sit you down and explain if you cannot say anything nice to zip it.
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Old 04-17-2019, 08:07 AM
 
8,975 posts, read 13,092,197 times
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It makes me sad some people are saying the boy probably doesn't have friends.
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Old 04-17-2019, 08:18 AM
 
25,450 posts, read 32,404,666 times
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I find this whole thing where parents invite the child's classmates to their birthday party, just plain weird. Does your kid not have neighborhood friends? Cousins? Family? Those are the ones that should be at a party. I didn't have many parties for my son (maybe 3 or 4...if that) but I never sent a single invitation. I told the parents about the party - since I actually KNEW them all. My son never wanted to have anyone at his parties that was not an actual friend, so it never even entered my mind to invite anyone else. I didn't worry about anyone behaving or feeling out of place...and honestly I would not want a bunch of strange kids in my home anyway.
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Old 04-17-2019, 08:20 AM
 
6,023 posts, read 4,331,628 times
Reputation: 16684
Quote:
Originally Posted by ChessieMom View Post
I find this whole thing where parents invite the child's classmates to their birthday party, just plain weird. Does your kid not have neighborhood friends? Cousins? Family? Those are the ones that should be at a party. I didn't have many parties for my son (maybe 3 or 4...if that) but I never sent a single invitation. I told the parents about the party - since I actually KNEW them all. My son never wanted to have anyone at his parties that was not an actual friend, so it never even entered my mind to invite anyone else. I didn't worry about anyone behaving or feeling out of place...and honestly I would not want a bunch of strange kids in my home anyway.
Huh? My kids' friends are often classmates too. Don't think that's uncommon.
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Old 04-17-2019, 09:15 AM
 
Location: Plainfield NJ
178 posts, read 59,618 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jdawg8181 View Post
It makes me sad some people are saying the boy probably doesn't have friends.
Me too
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Old 04-17-2019, 09:44 AM
 
10,286 posts, read 8,211,579 times
Reputation: 18712
Quote:
Originally Posted by ChessieMom View Post
I find this whole thing where parents invite the child's classmates to their birthday party, just plain weird. Does your kid not have neighborhood friends? Cousins? Family? Those are the ones that should be at a party. I didn't have many parties for my son (maybe 3 or 4...if that) but I never sent a single invitation. I told the parents about the party - since I actually KNEW them all. My son never wanted to have anyone at his parties that was not an actual friend, so it never even entered my mind to invite anyone else. I didn't worry about anyone behaving or feeling out of place...and honestly I would not want a bunch of strange kids in my home anyway.
Not all children are blessed with having extended family close enough to invite. I didn't. My parents and I inevitably traveled long distances at Christmas (and at other times) to be with grandparents, aunts and uncles, and cousins.

I did have neighborhood friends, and they were usually invited to my birthday parties - which were usually earlier than my holiday season birthday, since inevitably we were on the road or in the train heading for those extended family members' homes. My fifth birthday party was held a day or two later, at my grandmother's home in another state, and two cousins near my age were invited, along with other kids I didn't know well at all - as my immediate family had spent my actual birthday moving into the home where I presently reside (having lived elsewhere during much of my adult life). That's the only childhood birthday party I can recall which was attended by extended family members.
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Old 04-17-2019, 10:17 AM
 
Location: Wisconsin
16,750 posts, read 16,913,620 times
Reputation: 40293
Quote:
Originally Posted by ChessieMom View Post
I find this whole thing where parents invite the child's classmates to their birthday party, just plain weird. Does your kid not have neighborhood friends? Cousins? Family? Those are the ones that should be at a party. I didn't have many parties for my son (maybe 3 or 4...if that) but I never sent a single invitation. I told the parents about the party - since I actually KNEW them all. My son never wanted to have anyone at his parties that was not an actual friend, so it never even entered my mind to invite anyone else. I didn't worry about anyone behaving or feeling out of place...and honestly I would not want a bunch of strange kids in my home anyway.
Not everyone is as lucky as your children. There were no children in our neighborhood, cousins/aunts/uncles lived far away and grandparents lived out of state. If our children did not invite their classmates/friends all of their birthday parties would have just been Mom, Dad & sibling.
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Old 04-17-2019, 11:36 AM
Status: "I have strong opinions and won't apologize for them." (set 12 days ago)
 
Location: Texas
8,693 posts, read 3,290,428 times
Reputation: 18168
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jdawg8181 View Post
It makes me sad some people are saying the boy probably doesn't have friends.
Same here. It's certainly okay to critique the parent or the situation, but it's kind of nasty to attack the child's character.
There are also very popular kids who wind up with a low turnout at their parties. Sometimes that's just how it happens.

Last edited by PriscillaVanilla; 04-17-2019 at 11:46 AM..
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Old 04-17-2019, 11:37 AM
Status: "I have strong opinions and won't apologize for them." (set 12 days ago)
 
Location: Texas
8,693 posts, read 3,290,428 times
Reputation: 18168
Quote:
Originally Posted by ChessieMom View Post
I find this whole thing where parents invite the child's classmates to their birthday party, just plain weird. .
Not weird at all. It's pretty much the norm in K through third grade.
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