U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 05-02-2019, 04:43 AM
 
26,235 posts, read 24,277,718 times
Reputation: 15905

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by elyn02 View Post
Going by your examples, can't we just say anyone leaving any kind of comment is a "reaction"? So when Cremebrulee leaves a comment it is her reaction and not a judgment. When the parents leave a comment to Cremebrulee it is also a reaction.
thanks Elyn02,

after years of posting on forums, I have learned when people take a post that was written by a complete stranger, and hop into that discussion taking it personal, it usually means, that person is guilty of the topic being discussed, even when posted by a complete stranger, they defend their actions...

and to, at my age, I could care less what a complete stranger thinks of me, or if they disagree...with me...not to mention, sometimes, it does make me stop and take note that I might be wrong....but in this case, I am not...as many others including child Psychologists have written papers on bullying.

The news is so quick to report about shootings in school, but what they don't do, for the betterment of American culture explain, that the shooter was being bullied every single day...by several students...b/c he was different, or autistic...a kid can only take so much...Now I'm going to the extreme here, but it has happened...I remember on brave girl who stood up and told her fellow class mates that they should all be ashamed because they mocked the shooter, terrible and made him sit alone at breaks...

but in this case, you've bought up a very good reaction and yes, it could be a reaction, but I will admit...since I was abused very badly as a child, it's easier to spot even a mild case of child abuse...and what repercussions bad parenting can have on a child.

When you start creating videos at the expense of someone else's feelings especially a child who trusts their family unit, you are doing that child a very grave injustice...

let me tell you, when I see name calling in these forums, you just have to shake your head and feel sorry for their kids, b/c they are teaching their kids it's ok to bully others and to call others names....kids listen very intently, are extremely impressionible, and believe if they're parents are doing it, it must be ok to do...

I don't believe all bullying comes from parents, however, I have talked with a lot of people who are teachers, sports coaches, and other parents, and the way parents act today, in public are what they're kids may very likely grow up to be. I know two people who actually quit coaching kids b/c of the way parents acted...I'm told they are sometimes worse than the kids....sad, but true, and that, my friend, is where most kids get it....from their parents.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 05-02-2019, 07:35 PM
Status: "here we go again" (set 16 days ago)
 
Location: Texas
9,058 posts, read 3,436,902 times
Reputation: 18698
Quote:
Originally Posted by cremebrulee View Post
I know two people who actually quit coaching kids b/c of the way parents acted...I'm told they are sometimes worse than the kids....sad, but true, and that, my friend, is where most kids get it....from their parents.
The parents can be awful when it comes to their children's sports.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-03-2019, 03:56 AM
 
2,815 posts, read 1,494,439 times
Reputation: 3012
Quote:
Originally Posted by cremebrulee View Post
thanks Elyn02,

after years of posting on forums, I have learned when people take a post that was written by a complete stranger, and hop into that discussion taking it personal, it usually means, that person is guilty of the topic being discussed, even when posted by a complete stranger, they defend their actions...

and to, at my age, I could care less what a complete stranger thinks of me, or if they disagree...with me...not to mention, sometimes, it does make me stop and take note that I might be wrong....but in this case, I am not...as many others including child Psychologists have written papers on bullying.

The news is so quick to report about shootings in school, but what they don't do, for the betterment of American culture explain, that the shooter was being bullied every single day...by several students...b/c he was different, or autistic...a kid can only take so much...Now I'm going to the extreme here, but it has happened...I remember on brave girl who stood up and told her fellow class mates that they should all be ashamed because they mocked the shooter, terrible and made him sit alone at breaks...

but in this case, you've bought up a very good reaction and yes, it could be a reaction, but I will admit...since I was abused very badly as a child, it's easier to spot even a mild case of child abuse...and what repercussions bad parenting can have on a child.

When you start creating videos at the expense of someone else's feelings especially a child who trusts their family unit, you are doing that child a very grave injustice...

let me tell you, when I see name calling in these forums, you just have to shake your head and feel sorry for their kids, b/c they are teaching their kids it's ok to bully others and to call others names....kids listen very intently, are extremely impressionible, and believe if they're parents are doing it, it must be ok to do...

I don't believe all bullying comes from parents, however, I have talked with a lot of people who are teachers, sports coaches, and other parents, and the way parents act today, in public are what they're kids may very likely grow up to be. I know two people who actually quit coaching kids b/c of the way parents acted...I'm told they are sometimes worse than the kids....sad, but true, and that, my friend, is where most kids get it....from their parents.
You're welcome. Your intentions are obviously good and you are correct that the videos were created at the expense of someone else's feelings. If there is anything positive about these videos it is that their mean treatment of the child is there for the world to see instead of being kept private.

Bullying is a process rather than a single event and when the victims react to what they suspect is bullying, that is also a process. Old feelings emerge, beliefs emerge, specific actions emerge as well as thinking. It is more difficult dealing with the problem of bullying because it is a process rather than a single event.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-03-2019, 06:24 AM
 
Location: Grosse Ile Michigan
26,241 posts, read 62,282,419 times
Reputation: 29853
Your question is my daughter's career. (Bullying and Prejudice).

The answer is it apparently comes from different sources for different people, it may be an inherent human trait and we really do not know that much yet. Please donate money to the important research on this issue and/or write your congressperson and demand more funding. (Daughter needs grants to fund further research).
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-03-2019, 07:30 AM
 
Location: NW Nevada
14,025 posts, read 11,490,455 times
Reputation: 12988
Quote:
Originally Posted by cremebrulee View Post
Before I start this thread, please note, that not all bullying comes from the one source I speak of....but, it's a start, for a realization to a real problem.

My son was bullied in school, the kid that did the bullying had flunked several grades and of course was taller than all the rest of the children.

He'd corner the kids, alone somewhere and threatened to beat them up so badly that no one would recognize who they were when he was finished if they refused to give him their lunch money.

I called the school, they told me they bought the parents in and called them several times to no avail. They told me I was welcome to call them, but all I would get is F this and F that from them. I did call them and found out the latter to be on target.

My son was loosing weight, and starved by the time he came home from school...he was grumpy, losing sleep, it really weighed on him terrible....and I can understand why kids commit suicide...they want it to stop and they don't know what else to do to make it stop.

So I taught my son to fight back...and I'm not saying it's the right thing to do, but I didn't know what else to do at the time....the problem was solved.

But this kid's parents were abusive to each other and to him and thought it was ok....

As parents we have a very essential and responsible job, to our children, to society and to us....

I know a woman who left her husband, because he is an adult bully. His own sister fears him. Guess what, their one daughter bullies her own mother.


Identifying Bullying
https://kidshealth.org/en/parents/bullies.html
Most kids have been teased by a sibling or a friend at some point. And it's not usually harmful when done in a playful, friendly, and mutual way, and both kids find it funny. But when teasing becomes hurtful, unkind, and constant, it crosses the line into bullying and needs to stop.


Please share your story.

The bullies I dealt with growing up all came from houses where the parents were drunks and put no effort into raising them. That was grade and middle school. I had whupped them all by the time HS came. Then it was the privileged jock types. Big time football heroes and such. I wound up in a serious disagreement with the captain of the football team. He lost. I didn't play sports and he decided I was a target for that. However, I had the snot kicked and stomped out of me wrangling cattle and horses growing up and there was nothing he could have done to me I hadn't already gotten 5 times worse. He didn't scare me.


My son had pretty much the same experiences and bullies didn't spook him either. He was hard core cowboy from the jump and he didn't mess around. He had the reputation of being a white knight with the school staff as he always stuck up for the picked on kids. He stomped a mud hole in this bully kid one day for pushing around a far weaker kid and the school actually called the police. SOP these days I guess.


I had to leave work and go to the school. The teacher on yard duty had seen the whole thing but my boy had intervened and thrashed the bully before she got there. The cop was this great big Samoan guy and he came in to talk to us reading her report. LOL, all he said was "Well, took care of business there lil' brah."


It was nice being in a rural ranching and farming community. The bully was typical. Parents not involved because they were to busy with drugs and booze. Townies. Non wholesome lifestyle.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-03-2019, 08:25 AM
 
26,235 posts, read 24,277,718 times
Reputation: 15905
Quote:
Originally Posted by NVplumber View Post
The bullies I dealt with growing up all came from houses where the parents were drunks and put no effort into raising them. That was grade and middle school. I had whupped them all by the time HS came. Then it was the privileged jock types. Big time football heroes and such. I wound up in a serious disagreement with the captain of the football team. He lost. I didn't play sports and he decided I was a target for that. However, I had the snot kicked and stomped out of me wrangling cattle and horses growing up and there was nothing he could have done to me I hadn't already gotten 5 times worse. He didn't scare me.


My son had pretty much the same experiences and bullies didn't spook him either. He was hard core cowboy from the jump and he didn't mess around. He had the reputation of being a white knight with the school staff as he always stuck up for the picked on kids. He stomped a mud hole in this bully kid one day for pushing around a far weaker kid and the school actually called the police. SOP these days I guess.


I had to leave work and go to the school. The teacher on yard duty had seen the whole thing but my boy had intervened and thrashed the bully before she got there. The cop was this great big Samoan guy and he came in to talk to us reading her report. LOL, all he said was "Well, took care of business there lil' brah."


It was nice being in a rural ranching and farming community. The bully was typical. Parents not involved because they were to busy with drugs and booze. Townies. Non wholesome lifestyle.
I agree with you to a point, which was in our time....but now a days, people are so cruel with their words to others online, and shows whose kids are most likely bullies. If they talk that way to others on line, then they talk that way in front of their kids....which tells the kid, it's ok to tease and hurt others with words.

I like you did a lot of farm work, bailed hay, mended fences, and was around horses a good part of my life.
I went to a concert with my husband, and left our seat to use the ladies room. Walked into the ladies room and there were two young girls fighting....one was very small the other was much taller....and really hitting the smaller girl. I saw red, and picked the tall girl up, in a fit of anger, rage actually and said, "you want to pick on someone smaller so you can beat them, here, pick on someone your own size, pick on me, you bully". I was so angry I lifted her up off the floor and pinned her up against the wall. She was all drugged up and really scared....of me, and when I saw the look on her face, I left her down, and she ran out of the room.

I was beat up pretty bad as a kid, by my own mother and I guess something just snapped in me when I saw her picking on that little girl, ripping her blouse, slapping her across the face. I wasn't able to ignore that kind of behavior. And I was sorry afterwards...it is amazing the strength you develop when something like that happens to you. I was tall and very strong...for a woman.

I know you've been in this forum for quit a while...the next time you see someone bully another with words, remind yourself, they have children, and if they speak like that to you, that is generally their attitude, and their kids are most likely bullies in school.

But yes, your right, if a kid grows up in the kind of environment you describe, it's more likely than not. Thanks for sharing...your stories are very interesting, and I enjoy reading you.

Last edited by cremebrulee; 05-03-2019 at 08:35 AM..
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-03-2019, 08:31 AM
 
26,235 posts, read 24,277,718 times
Reputation: 15905
to the grammar police person, who left me the rep, about loosing, losing, etc....nothing makes me angrier...when I was young, I could write much better, and had a good handle on spelling and good grammar....but I swear to you, before telling someone off like that, why not try walking in their shoes first.

I have MS & for your information, inhibits, spelling and cognitive thinking, even finger control at times.......doesn't always work so well....so before correcting someone it would be more courteous....if you'd just leave it....and move on.

I'm sure you understand what I was trying to say.

and if you don't, then ask...but try and refrain from being holier than thou.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-03-2019, 08:36 AM
 
26,235 posts, read 24,277,718 times
Reputation: 15905
to the grammar police person, who left me the rep, about loosing, losing, etc....nothing makes me angrier...when I was young, I could write much better, and had a good handle on spelling and good grammar....but I swear to you, before telling someone off like that, why not try walking in their shoes first.

I have MS & for your information, inhibits, spelling and cognitive thinking, even finger control at times.......doesn't always work so well....so before correcting someone it would be more courteous....if you'd just leave it....

I'm sure you understand what I was trying to say.

and if you don't, then ask...but try and refrain from being holier than thou.

Generally I wouldn't write something like this, but you caught me in a foul mood, so I suggest, to you, to think first before correcting someone so rudely....you never know who your talking to. I'm not the only one in this forum with a handicap.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-03-2019, 08:45 AM
 
Location: NW Nevada
14,025 posts, read 11,490,455 times
Reputation: 12988
Quote:
Originally Posted by cremebrulee View Post
to the grammar police person, who left me the rep, about loosing, losing, etc....nothing makes me angrier...when I was young, I could write much better, and had a good handle on spelling and good grammar....but I swear to you, before telling someone off like that, why not try walking in their shoes first.

I have MS & for your information, inhibits, spelling and cognitive thinking, even finger control at times.......doesn't always work so well....so before correcting someone it would be more courteous....if you'd just leave it....and move on.

I'm sure you understand what I was trying to say.

and if you don't, then ask...but try and refrain from being holier than thou.

Truly, today's bullying goes to another level with the online stuff. The school I went to and my son after me was to small for that crap. If someone did something stupid online finding them was easy. Not much anonymity.


As to grammar Nazis they irritate me no end as well. I have a good command of spelling and grammar and still goof things up. As long as the point gets made what's the big deal ya know? And sometimes I misspell and use improper grammar on purpose.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-03-2019, 09:38 AM
 
26,235 posts, read 24,277,718 times
Reputation: 15905
Quote:
Originally Posted by NVplumber View Post
Truly, today's bullying goes to another level with the online stuff. The school I went to and my son after me was to small for that crap. If someone did something stupid online finding them was easy. Not much anonymity.


As to grammar Nazis they irritate me no end as well. I have a good command of spelling and grammar and still goof things up. As long as the point gets made what's the big deal ya know? And sometimes I misspell and use improper grammar on purpose.
wish I could rep you again, but cannot...you know the drill....lol

I have read you for a long time now, you've lived a very fulfilling and blessed life....you are very blessed.

and yeah I'm really sick and tired of people being so cruel.
I was so excited when I first joined the internet, thought I'd meet nice people from all over the world and all walks of life....

HAH

I've met some very nice people....regardless
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply

Quick Reply
Message:


Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. | Please obey Forum Rules | Terms of Use and Privacy Policy

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top