U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old Yesterday, 11:43 AM
 
Location: San Antonio, TX
11,075 posts, read 19,974,290 times
Reputation: 26135

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by ellie.sunshine View Post
I try not to be hard on her but it's difficult when she's letting me in on all these things I don't want to know about. I also feel kind of bad, I can't even ask to go out to lunch with a friend without her complaining about money. And she makes such a big deal over groceries, we've reached the stage where we need to worry about not having enough money for groceries and it makes me feel awful. The whole thing just sucks.
I mean it is small, for 4 people. Our old house was around 5,000.
Not to mention she always complains about doing housework like laundry and cleaning up the kitchen and stuff like that. It's like she doesn't realize her role as a mother is to do all that. She's so dramatic about it. We used to have maids so she never had to do anything and now that we had to let them go she's trying to find someone that will come over twice a week and help out (RIDICULOUS). It's all just very overwhelming.
It sounds like your family was well off before your father died, and now you're having to adjust to life as a fairly normal person instead. 1800 square feet is a a normal house size here. My house is smaller than that and it's not considered a small house at all.

I have a different point of view than most on this thread. You're about to be an adult. It's good for you to be aware of how much money the family has and how your actions affect the family budget. If going out to lunch with a friend means there might not be enough for groceries, then you're old enough to realize you shouldn't be asking to go out, or to find a way to make your own money for social activities. Your mom is complaining about housework because it's a lot of work for one person. In families of average means, the kids do chores so that the parents aren't stuck doing all the work. I have a 17 year old daughter who does her own laundry, cleans her own bathroom, helps with the dishes and cooks the family dinner three days a week. She does all of that because soon she will live on her own and need to know how to get those things done. You can help your mom with housework just like my daughter helps me, and you can encourage your brothers to help too. If everyone does a little bit, it's not such an overwhelming job.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old Yesterday, 12:42 PM
 
16 posts, read 1,314 times
Reputation: 10
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth View Post
OP, do you help your mom with the chores at home? You could be doing easy tasks, like cleaning up the kitchen for her, collecting dirty laundry and sorting it, or whatever. Jeez, I hope she doesn't actually spend money on household help, when you all need the $$ for groceries! When life gives you lemons, make lemonade, OP. Just step up to the plate, and take the oldest-sibling/mom-helper role, even if you don't want to. You'll be out of there soon enough; this phase won't last much longer.

A psychology degree will involve a course or two in statistics. Get tutoring for math, if you have to. US universities have tutoring centers in math and writing skills. I would guess that Brit universities don't, as they probably expect the students they admit to know their stuff. Will the exams you take for university have a math section? You really should work on your math. And I say this as someone who's bad at math, too. Focus on preparing to do as well as you can on those exams. Obviously, your writing and reading skills are at a high level, so no worries there.
This is actually something I'm super stressed out about. So I take the IB (International Baccalaureate) it's this course that you take instead of the AP/SAT program or the A Level Program (former is what they do in the US, latter is what they do in England). The IB is recognized everywhere so I could go to either country with it except for US universities, I would have also needed to take SAT's. Anyway so my official final IB exams are in 2 weeks time, and I am so worried about math, I'm going to fail if I don't get a tutor and I'm scared to ask my mom for one because they are super expensive here (we'd be talking around 90-100 euros per hour if I were to get a specialized IB one. Regular math tutors are around 30 euros per hour - I think it works out to be around the same amount in dollars). It's really stressful and I'm panicking. I take 5 other subjects (6 in total) and I am totally fine with all of them all I need to do for those is study. For math it's a lot of work though and thinking about it makes me feel very panicked. The British universities won't accept me being a crapshoot at math they definitely don't have tutoring centers. They just expect you to know everything. Actually in general British people are less laid back and understanding than Americans, way less laid back lol. That's why a lot of people here in Greece really don't get along with British people and tend to prefer Americans. In my school there are a lot of both British and American kids because it's international and the differences are very blatant.
I always try helping my mom out as much as I can, but when I do she just starts screaming saying I'm doing everything wrong and tells me to leave (go figure). I'm telling you, she's a pill.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old Yesterday, 12:54 PM
 
16 posts, read 1,314 times
Reputation: 10
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hedgehog_Mom View Post
It sounds like your family was well off before your father died, and now you're having to adjust to life as a fairly normal person instead. 1800 square feet is a a normal house size here. My house is smaller than that and it's not considered a small house at all.

I have a different point of view than most on this thread. You're about to be an adult. It's good for you to be aware of how much money the family has and how your actions affect the family budget. If going out to lunch with a friend means there might not be enough for groceries, then you're old enough to realize you shouldn't be asking to go out, or to find a way to make your own money for social activities. Your mom is complaining about housework because it's a lot of work for one person. In families of average means, the kids do chores so that the parents aren't stuck doing all the work. I have a 17 year old daughter who does her own laundry, cleans her own bathroom, helps with the dishes and cooks the family dinner three days a week. She does all of that because soon she will live on her own and need to know how to get those things done. You can help your mom with housework just like my daughter helps me, and you can encourage your brothers to help too. If everyone does a little bit, it's not such an overwhelming job.
Yeah things have changed a lot since my dad died, a lot. We used to have two cars (my mom had a Lexus SUV and my dad had this Mercedes sports car) and we had to sell both of them as soon as my dad died and now have this tiny old Citroen car that doesn't even have bluetooth. I know I sound like a spoilt brat but it's harder than people think having to adjust to the changes. My dad was having a lot of financial problems he did from us so none of us really realized the extent of the mess until he passed. It was definitely a shock for my mom. Then summer vacation was so much funner, we'd always go to at least one local island in July but then in August we'd leave Europe and go to places like South Africa, Italy, the US (LA, SF, San Jose and NYC 95% of the time because my dad had a lot of friends there). Now we can't go anywhere. It makes me really sad I know I must sound like a total and complete brat but I feel like I've lost everything. It's just not fair and I miss my dad. He was so cool and kind and understanding. My mom is insane she has issues.
Maybe it's also the environment I'm in because all the kids there are very rich. So it's kind of a daily reminder of what I've lost.
Regarding the house size yeah I don't know maybe it is an okay size. But it just feels small. Also our washing machine is in one of the bathrooms due to lack of space and I find that really weird.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old Yesterday, 01:22 PM
 
15,983 posts, read 19,311,472 times
Reputation: 26045
I'm going to preempt everything here with the fact that I personally think your mom deserves respect....even if you are a different person....your mom raised you...you are a result of her love and care....respect her for that even if she has personality traits that you find are opposite of yours....they are what makes her who she is. I'm not trying to invalidate your feelings...just simply asking that you give your Mom the benefit of the doubt. None of you have ever been through this kind of pain before...It's gonna take a bit for her to get her footing.

I'm glad you are seeking your future opportunities....and that you are smart enough to plan ahead. But, Learn from her example and choose to be stronger and more assertive if you can. You are obviously suffering emotionally since your dad passed away....grief is difficult...and it is different for each person. Your mom sounds perfectly normal to me...I do not think she is parentifying you...as someone else suggested. Sharing with you that there is less money than there was when your dad was alive is simply important in that it is honest. Your being allowed to continue in an expensive school is a rare benefit.....simply be thankful. Take advantage of all opportunities you are being given. Focus on the pluses in your life.

I think it will take time to reach a sense of normalcy after losing your parent....but do not lose faith in your mom....afterall she has raised you to be the critical thinker that you are. Perhaps focus on your education, get the best grades that you can....you do have an opportunity to apply at any school you choose....there are counselors and advisers that may be able to help you figure out the "how to" regarding attending school in the States in the future. Concentrate on that...go seek answers from the right people.


Try your best to empathize with your mom. You lost your dad, but she lost her husband.....you aren't parentless.....your mom is still there, if wounded and grieving she is still providing for you. Give her some credit.....and try to have some sympathy rather than what seems imo to be anger. She obviously is going through a lot....try not to add to her angst by being resentful. Love her, talk to here about your fears....I cannot imagine that she would ever want to worry you....But sharing financial concerns...when your child expresses disappointment at not having the financial based opportunities that you've been describing that your friends have....because your family has less money now is not your mom's fault. But, the reality is when we have less income, we have to look at changing what we spend money on...reevaluate expenses, and priorities.

You truly are fortunate...and RFT stated above....take advantage of the opportunities that you still have...look for ways to increase those....perhaps as an exchange student?? Talk to folks on campus....keep asking and seeking answers. Do your best. As a young adult it is your responsibility going forward....especially since you do not like the job that your Mom is doing. You also have to accept as a young adult that we sometimes do not get what we want...that we have to readjust our wants at times...and do our best with what we have. And cut your mom some slack....give her time to grieve her husband.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old Yesterday, 01:27 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
76,570 posts, read 68,568,666 times
Reputation: 73924
OP, the fact that you won't be going anywhere for summer vacation is a good thing; at this age and stage in your life, you should look for a job, so you can earn spending money in college. If you don't have your own cash, you'll really be miserable. You won't be able to do simple things with friends, like even go to a coffee shop or go out for a cheap lunch, let alone attend a concert now and then, etc. You'll need money for clothes. Your financial aid won't provide for these things. Also, it's good to get some job experience at this age. You'll probably need a part-time job in college, too, and they'll be easier to get, if you already have some work experience.

As someone else suggested, consider looking for jobs with international companies. These can be simple things, like receptionist or other office support. (Your English will be an asset, with international companies.) Also look at travel agencies, especially ones whose main office is in another country. If you do well, they might be interested in having you return, or work in a branch office in the UK, in future summers.

Think strategically, this way. Do some research on companies in Greece. You could email a few, to ask if they need summer help, and mention your English skills. (Have you learned Microsoft Office?). Start researching job possibilities. See if any friends or business colleagues of your dad might be able to help you make connections, if any of them knew you and the family. This is how networking is done. Set your mind to problem-solving mode. Very soon, you'll be out in the world, or college at least, fending for yourself. That will go more smoothly, if you lay some groundwork now.

Does your school have a nurse or counselor that you could talk to about your tremendous loss, your family's loos and abrupt change of situation? Consider seeing someone there, to vent. Someone at school may also have some suggestions for summer jobs that are more generally career-oriented than waitressing or some such.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old Yesterday, 02:13 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
76,570 posts, read 68,568,666 times
Reputation: 73924
Being stressed won't help you do well on your exams. Stress is the worst, for taking exams! What about your math teacher at school? Could you get help from him/her? What about through the local church or charity? What if you asked your mom for the money, and told her you'd at least partially pay her back, via a summer job? (You'll still need money for your college life, so don't promise her too much.)

You don't have much time left. Think! Beat the bushes for solutions. Maybe your math teacher could refer you to an affordable tutor.

Where are your dad's friends and colleagues in this family scenario? Have any of them reached out?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old Yesterday, 02:31 PM
 
650 posts, read 193,668 times
Reputation: 1436
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth View Post
OP, the fact that you won't be going anywhere for summer vacation is a good thing; at this age and stage in your life, you should look for a job, so you can earn spending money in college. If you don't have your own cash, you'll really be miserable. You won't be able to do simple things with friends, like even go to a coffee shop or go out for a cheap lunch, let alone attend a concert now and then, etc. You'll need money for clothes. Your financial aid won't provide for these things. Also, it's good to get some job experience at this age. You'll probably need a part-time job in college, too, and they'll be easier to get, if you already have some work experience.
When my kids were your age, they cleaned their room and did their laundry. As I don't have cleaning help, my kids cleaned their bathroom and emptied and filled the dishwasher. My son helped in the garden where I grew our vegetables.

I expected my kids to have minimum wage jobs over the summer. They worked at clothing stores or coffee shops. They paid for their college books and expenses.

Quote:
I am so worried about math, I'm going to fail if I don't get a tutor and I'm scared to ask my mom for one because they are super expensive here (we'd be talking around 90-100 euros per hour if I were to get a specialized IB one. Regular math tutors are around 30 euros per hour - I think it works out to be around the same amount in dollars).
The internet is wonderful. You can find a tutorial on any subject on youtube. My son prepared for GRE (graduate school SAT's) with a $20 GRE Test book. Save the money and look online.

Quote:
The British universities won't accept me being a crapshoot at math they definitely don't have tutoring centers. Actually in general British people are less laid back and understanding than Americans, way less laid back lol. That's why a lot of people here in Greece really don't get along with British people and tend to prefer Americans.
American may appear to be laid back, but they aren't. I live in Westchester county, NY and competition in our schools is intense. Families place a huge emphasis on acceptance to an ivy league college. Students begin test preparations with SAT tutors in their junior year of high school. Many students aim for perfect SAT scores. Stanford University expects Reading and Writing scores of 680-780 (out of 800) and Math scores of 700-800 (out of 800). Almost perfect to perfect scores. US Tutoring Centers help on current college courses, not on catching up on high school math.

Last edited by YorktownGal; Yesterday at 03:00 PM..
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old Yesterday, 04:26 PM
 
650 posts, read 193,668 times
Reputation: 1436
The movie Ladybird might be interesting for you to watch. "Set in Sacramento, California, in 2002, it is a coming-of-age story of a high-school senior and her turbulent relationship with her mother." All her classmates are rich and she lives in the poor area. She thinks she hates her town, but she really loves it. Lots of scenes of California.

It seems like a stereotype that most girls major in english or psychology or art history (I did art history so maybe it is true).

Maybe a communications major for a career in advertising. No math required. Merchandising or marketing majors, but those have some math. Once you began college, ask your academic advisor for input. Go to the college's career counseling department. Find out what kind of internships are available for each major. Many students wait for junior or senior year to contact the career counseling department. Don't wait, go your freshman year.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old Yesterday, 04:28 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
76,570 posts, read 68,568,666 times
Reputation: 73924
Quote:
Originally Posted by YorktownGal View Post

The internet is wonderful. You can find a tutorial on any subject on youtube. My son prepared for GRE (graduate school SAT's) with a $20 GRE Test book. Save the money and look online.
This is a great idea! Aside from looking for something specific, to help prepare for the exam you're taking, there are video series like Kahn Academy, that cover all manner of math, if you need remedial work. You're starting a bit late, but if you can find the preparatory course you need, you still have plenty of time, if you throw yourself into it. It will be worth it, to be able to go into your exams with more confidence.

Still, I'd try to get some advice and guidance, maybe even a referral to an affordable tutor, from the math teacher at school, if I were you, OP.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old Yesterday, 04:40 PM
 
3,754 posts, read 2,435,764 times
Reputation: 7840
Quote:
Originally Posted by ellie.sunshine View Post
What kind of majors do you think I should look into? I'm pretty awful at math
Is there a counselor or someone you could talk to at the school you are currently attending? You could always take the general required courses in college for the first year.

Psychology may be a good major for you but I'd be sure and take a look at the jobs that you can get with an undergraduate psychology degree and see what is out there and what they pay. Psychology does involve some statistics so you won't get away from math entirely.

I'd start by looking for what type of jobs interest you and then see if you can back into the best major that would be needed for those jobs.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply

Quick Reply
Message:


Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. | Please obey Forum Rules | Terms of Use and Privacy Policy

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top