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Old 04-28-2019, 09:41 AM
 
694 posts, read 280,662 times
Reputation: 2031

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Quote:
Originally Posted by saibot View Post
You can't predict that breastfeeding will work out...
Of course. But planning for the foreseeable problems prevents worry *now.* The alternative is very expensive but SIMPLE and requires no preparation. As a nurse, New Mom will know how to get support. As a not-a-nurse, New Dad needs to know what his role will be and how to plan for supporting her in it. Making milk is exhausting. It's one thing to see it and know but it's another thing to experience the fatigue and thirst and hunger. OP will see his wife sitting on the couch or lying in bed and nursing... seeing it as relaxing, while the reality is very different.

Nursing/making milk is extremely draining. If OP is determined to overplan, this is a place to direct that anxiety... in something that is do-able: Help her prepare and support her, when the time comes. Making milk herself will save a considerable amount of money, but she needs the proper support (tangible help and understanding from her husband) to do it successfully.

Last edited by LieslMet; 04-28-2019 at 09:52 AM..
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Old 04-28-2019, 04:01 PM
 
Location: Where rhotic consonants are either absent or intrusive
8,843 posts, read 5,131,043 times
Reputation: 14471
OP, there is only so much planning you can do when you have no frame of reference. The best advice I can give is to know you options, but don’t make any firm plans until you’ve both had time to adjust to life with a baby. Everything may not fall neatly into place, so have some contingency plans in the back burner, too.

Start small: what are the plans for maternity leave?
Contingency plans for if it is a complicated delivery that necessitates a longer leave?
If daycare is the plan, does the center have a minimum number of days per week for enrollment?
How soon do you need to put down a deposit to hold a spot?
What is the plan if there is not a daycare opening when you need it?
How easy will it be for one of you to change shifts to work around daycare hours?

Last edited by Ginge McFantaPants; 04-28-2019 at 04:12 PM..
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Old 04-28-2019, 05:11 PM
 
Location: here
24,834 posts, read 29,761,801 times
Reputation: 32353
Planning is good, but you're over thinking. It will save you money, but will take a toll on you if either of you are working at night, then caring for the child during the day. I think the poster who said one of you should work normal M-F day hours is correct. That way, traditional day care will be an option so even a night worker could sleep during the day.
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Old 04-28-2019, 05:11 PM
 
Location: NJ
10,318 posts, read 21,061,966 times
Reputation: 8109
Quote:
Originally Posted by LieslMet View Post
She'll be fine. You'll be fine. The baby will be fine.

All this "flurry of worry" is only going to borrow stress you don't even know will be there. You'll all manage fine. You might end up with one of those awesome babies who sleeps when you put her down or an always-screaming version that is inescapable. For the latter, you buy earplugs and slowly suffer some permanent hearing loss. You'll have earplugs in your pocket at all times, set the default on the television for closed captions, and learn to sleep through a dull roar. Some babies are just screamers and it's no one's fault.

You cannot predict what will happen, only focus on things you CAN control... like cheaper, reliable daycare, one of you having "normal" working hours at all times, and getting a good, double breastpump. (See if insurance will pay for it, so she can get it after the birth. She'll need to train her breasts to make a lot of milk and she'll need to drink a LOT of water - with the occasional beer/oatmeal/fenugreek supplements/ice cream to boost supply - to get enough milk for going back to work. Just her body MAKING milk is very tiring - 800 calories a day burned! - and she'll be tired in a different way than you'll be.) You need a good breastpump, milk bags, brown NUK binkies, and a Moby wrap in a neutral color both of you can wear because carrying around that baby all the time will feel like you're trapped unless it's TIED ONTO you. There is indescribable relief in being able to pee and having both hands free WHILE holding your now-NOT-screaming baby. I get it for EVERY new mom in my life and used it with my own youngest children, well over a decade ago. I could even nurse in it, nurse while walking, and keep a hand free.
Great advice about breast feeding but how do you know she will be?
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Old 04-28-2019, 05:37 PM
 
Location: Foot of the Rockies
86,793 posts, read 101,711,138 times
Reputation: 32891
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kibbiekat View Post
Planning is good, but you're over thinking. It will save you money, but will take a toll on you if either of you are working at night, then caring for the child during the day. I think the poster who said one of you should work normal M-F day hours is correct. That way, traditional day care will be an option so even a night worker could sleep during the day.
I agree. Plus, what kind of a life is it to never have any time together as a family? That's why I never worked weekends (well not often anyway, some jobs you had to do one a month or so) when the kids were little. We liked the weekends for family time.
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Old 04-29-2019, 02:21 AM
 
Location: Copenhagen, Denmark
10,453 posts, read 8,588,200 times
Reputation: 12104
I'm with those who said, see how things go. There are so many things involved, and so many different patterns regarding baby sleep and nourishment. It's very hard to predict your options in advance. Don't foreclose on your options, first. Listening to suggestions from friends who have been through this with their first child isn't a bad idea. And beware, what's best for the baby, may be unfair for 1 parent.

Don't let "equality arguments" between the two of you ruin your marriage. It takes what it takes and you are to always in control.
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Old 04-29-2019, 03:43 AM
 
8,551 posts, read 4,565,146 times
Reputation: 1965
I know but I see it as the only option

With my current schedule away from home at 530 to 530 4 days during the week and 140pm to 1240am on the weekend's

I feel I'll never be home
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Old 04-29-2019, 04:13 AM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
41,932 posts, read 40,686,846 times
Reputation: 80253
And you will rarely see your wife, which will take a toll on your marriage.

If she works days and you work nights you’ll hardly see her also.

One thing you can work on now is building your bond together and practicing patience.
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Old 04-29-2019, 05:14 AM
 
3,684 posts, read 1,549,904 times
Reputation: 7405
Quote:
Originally Posted by RunD1987 View Post
I know but I see it as the only option

With my current schedule away from home at 530 to 530 4 days during the week and 140pm to 1240am on the weekend's

I feel I'll never be home
Why are you working 6 days a week, with 4 of those days having 10 hours? I donít understand. First you need to start with having a 40-hour week so you can support your wife.
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Old 04-29-2019, 06:54 AM
 
8,551 posts, read 4,565,146 times
Reputation: 1965
Quote:
Originally Posted by RamenAddict View Post
Why are you working 6 days a week, with 4 of those days having 10 hours? I don’t understand. First you need to start with having a 40-hour week so you can support your wife.
I do 5 8 hour shifts a week with rotating weekends. About an hour and 20 minute drive each way.

Where we are moving keeping an eye open for a full time opening in my field at the area hospitals. Most are part time or per diem. Right now don't want to make major changes with career with us purchasing a new house and maintaining insurance for the baby.

I do enjoy my job.
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