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Old 04-29-2019, 11:20 PM
 
6,517 posts, read 3,682,916 times
Reputation: 13913

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Quote:
Originally Posted by YorktownGal View Post
Yes, in some circumstances," a loving, nurturing parent or guardian doting on them" regardless of sex is fine.

But here is a father asking about a schedule for childcare which leaves the mother out. He gets his time with their baby, mom - not so much. Hardly a fair or healthy situation for a family. It is so one sided.
The father is the one asking the question here; the schedule appears to have been a cooperative effort between them (and at least one grandparent.) I would stress the importance of being flexible rather than adhering to an arbitrary schedule because the kid certainly won't understand the clock and calendar.
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Old 04-30-2019, 01:20 AM
 
Location: colorado springs, CO
4,689 posts, read 2,154,634 times
Reputation: 15890
Mothers canít replace fathers & fathers canít replace mothers. Itís not about who can make a bottle or change a diaper. A monkey could do that.

All this planning will go out the window anyway but where are these hospitals that let the employees call their own shifts? I had to quit my job once over maternity leave because while I was out; the hospital switched to mandatory 12 hour shifts for all nursing staff & my commute was an hour each way.
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Old 04-30-2019, 10:04 AM
 
2,614 posts, read 1,481,741 times
Reputation: 3096
How does your wife feel about these options? I traveled for work when my son was little and my husband was a single parent 3-4 days a week, every week. And yes, I was breastfeeding / pumping exclusively. It was hard, stressful and not something I would recommend. If I was your wife though I would want you to do the least total days and ideally have those days as my fats off and then I work when you’re home. We juggle two busy careers and parenting and have for years. We are both leaders and totally content to take charge and get things done when the other is working or busy or whatever. If your personalities are not like that I don’t advise this system.

I stopped traveling when my son was 2 1/2 (at least on a routine basis - now it’s a couple times a year maybe). It’s the best decision I made for our family life because we are now all home for dinner 80% of the time and I can help with weekday childcare. The other system was great because when I was home I was 100% present for our family, the system today is constant juggling and multitasking. It all depends on what works for you and your family. I really don’t think there is a right or wrong answer but more of a question of what works for you guys. Flexibility is key though - is it possible to change schedules down the road if your first attempt isn’t working?
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Old 05-03-2019, 08:21 AM
 
8,552 posts, read 4,565,146 times
Reputation: 1970
So I think I figured a solution out.
If I could do two 16s back to back on my weekends on. I only have to work 24 hours during the week.

If I could somehow get my schedule to be as such:

Week 1: Sunday 16 Monday off Tuesday Off Wednesday 16 Thursday Off Friday 8 hours nights Saturday Off

Week 2: Sunday Off Monday 8 hour nights Tuesday Off Wednesday 16 hours Thursday off Friday Off Saturday 16

The other opition is:
Week 1: Sunday 16 Wednesday 8 Nights Saturday 16

Week 2: Sunday 16 Wednesday 8 Nights Saturday 16

The only downside with that last schedule is I never see the wife.
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Old 05-03-2019, 09:30 AM
 
694 posts, read 280,662 times
Reputation: 2041
Quote:
Originally Posted by RunD1987 View Post
So I think I figured a solution out.
If I could do two 16s back to back on my weekends on. I only have to work 24 hours during the week.

If I could somehow get my schedule to be as such:

Week 1: Sunday 16 Monday off Tuesday Off Wednesday 16 Thursday Off Friday 8 hours nights Saturday Off

Week 2: Sunday Off Monday 8 hour nights Tuesday Off Wednesday 16 hours Thursday off Friday Off Saturday 16

The other opition is:
Week 1: Sunday 16 Wednesday 8 Nights Saturday 16

Week 2: Sunday 16 Wednesday 8 Nights Saturday 16

The only downside with that last schedule is I never see the wife.
Dude. You're working 56 hours a week on an alternative schedule. Plus commute.

Your wife needs to be on a daytime, weekday schedule so that she and the baby can function with one single, stable parent's schedule.

When you're home, you'll be home. Take it in, appreciate it, but no one can rely on you personally, with a schedule like yours. That's just how it will be. Things are going to change a lot for you. Focus on being a couple here and there, through the relief of your mother in law, and snuggle that baby.
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Old 05-03-2019, 11:53 AM
 
Location: Where rhotic consonants are either absent or intrusive
8,843 posts, read 5,131,043 times
Reputation: 14471
Quote:
Originally Posted by RunD1987 View Post
So I think I figured a solution out.
If I could do two 16s back to back on my weekends on. I only have to work 24 hours during the week.

If I could somehow get my schedule to be as such:

Week 1: Sunday 16 Monday off Tuesday Off Wednesday 16 Thursday Off Friday 8 hours nights Saturday Off

Week 2: Sunday Off Monday 8 hour nights Tuesday Off Wednesday 16 hours Thursday off Friday Off Saturday 16

The other opition is:
Week 1: Sunday 16 Wednesday 8 Nights Saturday 16

Week 2: Sunday 16 Wednesday 8 Nights Saturday 16

The only downside with that last schedule is I never see the wife.
Can you get a similar work schedule as your wife? I get that you want to save money on childcare by working opposite shifts, but what you are proposing (erratic schedules, no time with the wife, not much sleep) sound like a recipe for disaster. People do it because they have to, but if you both have some degree of control over which shifts you can work, the short-term cost of daycare may be worth not becoming "ships passing in the night".
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Old 05-03-2019, 01:12 PM
 
1,810 posts, read 2,158,569 times
Reputation: 2810
Quote:
Originally Posted by RunD1987 View Post
The only downside with that last schedule is I never see the wife.
No it isn't.
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Old 05-03-2019, 05:46 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
41,936 posts, read 40,686,846 times
Reputation: 80273
Quote:
Originally Posted by RunD1987 View Post

The only downside with that last schedule is I never see the wife.
What is your real goal with this exercise?

Are you trying to work as much as possible?
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Old 05-03-2019, 08:33 PM
 
Location: Bloomington IN
6,419 posts, read 7,621,466 times
Reputation: 15595
I'm going to suggest you put the scheduling aside for awhile. Pregnant women are under enough stress without a husband that's going a bit overboard on trying to figure out his best possible schedule and then seeming to dictate his wife's schedule. If my husband had started with this when I was pregnant it would have added to my anxiety/stress about our childcare plans.

Put it aside for awhile please for the sake of your wife.
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Old Today, 11:36 AM
 
8,552 posts, read 4,565,146 times
Reputation: 1970
Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdieBelle View Post
What is your real goal with this exercise?

Are you trying to work as much as possible?
Commute the least amount of miles and days to work to save on money and spend more time at home
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