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Old 05-20-2019, 11:50 AM
 
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Does anyone here have a different parenting style than their spouse?
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Old 05-20-2019, 12:08 PM
 
Location: Chicago
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Not the spouse i had kids with but my parent and i have completely different parenting styles, it can be and is difficult when merging households.
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Old 05-20-2019, 12:21 PM
 
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My husband and I have very different parenting styles. It's his son & my stepson so I let him take the lead, but there are a lot of things I'd handle differently.
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Old 05-20-2019, 12:26 PM
 
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I don't think anyone really has identical parenting styles. But we try to find a balance.
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Old 05-20-2019, 01:24 PM
 
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Having different styles is beneficial for perspective. As long as you listen and consider one another's opinions in a respectful way.
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Old 05-20-2019, 02:08 PM
 
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My husband is more hands-off than me. I don't know what's good & what's not. Am I being too strict? Not sure.


I try not to 'parent' too much and let my husband take control, but there are things I would handle much differently if he were my kid.
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Old 05-20-2019, 04:35 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jdawg8181 View Post
My husband is more hands-off than me. I don't know what's good & what's not. Am I being too strict? Not sure.


I try not to 'parent' too much and let my husband take control, but there are things I would handle much differently if he were my kid.
As I recall there are complicating factors regarding the divorce and how your husband views himself as a parent. He's reluctant to be what he would call the bad guy and enforce things that probably should be enforced?

You can talk to him about this, but it really has to be handled very carefully or your husband may get defensive and could pull the, "You aren't his mom and you really don't have a say in this..." card. Hopefully he won't do that.
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Old 05-20-2019, 05:51 PM
 
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I was fortunate my son was a good kid..i LOVED being a dad and gave him the best gift..to build his own confidence...and that's TIME...not Things


I always gave him choices..and let him decide...…...and when he got older...he earned his money with chores and deeds ...instead of stopping at a restaurant...and asking what do you want....I gave him a 20 dollar bill and let him keep what was left over....he learned frugality real fast....(going out to eat)

also taught him...random acts of kindness without expecting reward...the good deed was more than enough

when he was a teenager ...I told him to observe the kids acting out observe the kids smoking or drinking..... then observe the kids who do well in school and keep their nose clean...
we mirror ourselves thru our actions..


well,,,, he went to college and now a pharmacist.... a good boy with a kind heart..
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Old 05-20-2019, 07:37 PM
 
Location: Canada
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I was more strict and my husband was easier on our boys when they were growing up. Most of our arguments were over what method to discipline them.

The teen years were almost hellish with one of them, but they both ended up as very nice, kind adults, so we did something right
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Old 05-21-2019, 04:22 AM
 
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be cautious on being overly strict in some areas...it can backfire..

I was brought up with being strict and spankings.....but I also learned....from my mistakes/….
I had many friends that went nuts when they went to college because they had no coping skills..... so they partied and chased skirts ..and eventually dropped out... their parents were overly strict


one friends mother was a vegan and when he went to college he lived at mcdonalds for 4 months..
another friends parents had zero tolerance with alcohol......and he went nuts at college..again...no coping skills.


be careful being too strict...….tho even with good intentions...

you make something a mystery and rebellious...yes kids might exploit that when they finally can

give kids the reasons why ..



I didn't cycle the strictness to my son...that my parents gave to me..because I knew how I reacted...I was sneaky.....about drinking and smoking and because it was so prohibitive.....it was cool to do...freeing..

and im not saying ...being free with kids with no guidelines...but take the mysteries out of substances..
my son...when he got peer pressure to drink.....he passed he already knew he didn't like beer....or hard stuff...he had confidence......more than I did at that age..


and be careful ….being an autocratic parent.... you may have good intentions ...but kids aren't dogs.... if you are heavy handed with being strict kids take that as very cold..

again...explain the reasonings..


also when kids get older......you may want them to visit.....I know many kids that opted not to visit their parents after high school...
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