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Old 05-28-2019, 01:12 PM
 
Location: Southern New Hampshire
7,216 posts, read 12,655,064 times
Reputation: 21945

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Quote:
Originally Posted by celticseas View Post
Have you any experience with this or relatives/friends who had drug addicted children?
An old boyfriend of mine (before he basically went insane from drugs in his teens/20s) had 3 brothers and was raised, as I was, in the Air Force (although my family was enlisted and his father was an officer). One of his brothers is now head of pediatrics at University of Michigan Hospital (or some similar title -- he's brilliant and a big shot there), another is a professor (after graduating from the Air Force Academy and then spending 20+ years as an Air Force officer like his dad), and the third is a successful businessman. But my old friend got hooked on drugs and went psychotic; he was in prison for armed robbery for 7-8 years, then released, then went back in for another couple of years. Not sure what he is doing now as I gave up on him long ago; I simply cannot be around drug addicts even if some say "it's not their fault." I mean, at some point I don't CARE whose fault it is -- I just don't want to be near them.

John warned me that he had lied, cheated, stolen, etc. in the years that he was a drug addict, and acknowledged that it would be hard for anyone (including me) to trust him. I was willing to try until he did a couple of things to me that were so incredibly -- and intentionally -- cruel that I knew this was not someone I could be close to, no matter how many times he said "I'm sorry" (which he did about a thousand times -- too little, too late).

I would NEVER want such a person in my life -- related to me or not. I frankly do not understand those who think that "being family" means you put up with the crappiest behavior you can imagine -- WAY worse than you would put up with from non-family members. It makes no sense to me.

Sharing DNA with someone -- even a kid of yours who is now an ADULT -- does NOT mean you have to put up with anything they choose to do. Nope, not having it.
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Old 05-28-2019, 01:25 PM
 
Location: Maryland
1,762 posts, read 563,309 times
Reputation: 3876
Quote:
Originally Posted by celticseas View Post
Have you any experience with this or relatives/friends who had drug addicted children?
I have no tolerance for substance addiction, family or not. That’s a line in the sand for me. I have no immediate blood relatives with addictions but other (step) family relations, yes. Also two who used to be friends.
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Old 05-28-2019, 01:31 PM
 
16,797 posts, read 14,530,548 times
Reputation: 37896
Not only would I kick him out, I'd get the police involved.
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Old 05-28-2019, 01:52 PM
 
Location: Los Angeles
4,116 posts, read 913,124 times
Reputation: 3600
Quote:
Originally Posted by zentropa View Post
Not only would I kick him out, I'd get the police involved.
No matter how flawed people’s kids are, they still love them and don’t want to see them in jail, on the street, or dead, but this family needs therapy no doubt.
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Old 05-28-2019, 01:54 PM
 
130 posts, read 41,434 times
Reputation: 389
Quote:
Originally Posted by celticseas View Post
I don't know if anyone has had an experience with this. My wife and I have a 20yr old son. He is not currently in college or working but in high school. He seems to have "fallen off the rails" around 2015 when he was dismissed from school for suicidal comments. The principal didn't allow him to attend school but he still could attend the high school exams just study from home. He later got failed his exams and got nearly 0%. He is currently repeating his end of year exams.



We were struggling with him a bit but things were okay until my wife in January discovered that her friends DSLR camera was missing. She's in Africa until this August and gave it to her. The revelation from him was devastating to us. He said he pawned it off at shop for €90. We found out as well that a few things like hard drives, old laptops, the piano keyboard were missing. He said that he did it for beer money as well as weed, nicotine patches, codeine cough syrup etc.. We told him if he sold one more thing, we'd kick him out and told him to enroll in a drug rehabilitation programme. I also put a lock on my bedroom door.



I thought that was the end of the stuff being sold until my wife yesterday told me that a few of her items were missing when looking through the store. It seems he has moved from stealing electronics to small, inconspicuous things like her shoes, and some of her books.



Would this be the final straw for you?


NO..this would NOT be the final straw as there are MANY reasons for this kind of behavior and it may not be simply because your son is a "bad seed", lazy, has a criminal streak or a drug addicted individual. If drugs are involved, NOT ALL BUT SOME are self medicating because they suffer from a serious undiagnosed or untreated mental illness such as Bipolar, Schizoaffective or Schizophrenia. All those disorders can manifest in individuals in a extreme span/varying degrees.

My first suggestion would be to see a qualified individual in the mental healthcare field yourself. Your provider can help you evaluate your family relationships/history and help determine possible causes/issues. Once you have an idea of what your dealing...you will be in a better position to help your son. Many of those stricken by a mental illness can also suffer from ANOSOGNOSIA.

Even if a mental illness is determined to be in play, accountability is required. That is very difficult for some parents to do and especially if the legal/justice system might become involved. It doesn't help that many LE employees and judges are ignorant regarding mental illness. Even medical providers outside the psychiatric profession can be ignorant...not stupid, just ignorant. You can best help your son by learning about the systems (law enforcement, health care, judges, attorneys..etc.) in place in your area. Every jurisdiction can operate differently and those people employed in a system can be as varied as there are stars in the sky. Have legal counsel ready, informed and available to step in and advocate on your son's behalf.

By no means should you assume your son is a lost cause.

Last edited by CentralUSHomeowner; 05-28-2019 at 02:04 PM..
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Old 05-28-2019, 02:12 PM
 
Location: Caverns measureless to man...
7,247 posts, read 4,669,329 times
Reputation: 16378
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hapa1 View Post
No matter how flawed peopleís kids are, they still love them and donít want to see them in jail, on the street, or dead, but this family needs therapy no doubt.
Better now than next year for robbing a liquor store. The kid is young enough that there are still a lot of possible outcomes to this, but no matter how it ends, the path is probably going to involve jail at some point. That's just the arc that it follows. Maybe the best thing is to just accept that, make the call, and get it over with. While he's still young enough that he may possibly have time to turn himself around.
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Old 05-28-2019, 03:12 PM
 
49 posts, read 14,519 times
Reputation: 132
If he is stealing to get money mostly for drugs, he needs possible treatment for addiction. If he is stealing just to steal or for the thrill, you may even have bigger problems on your hand. It's time to put an end to it and have rules for him to stay, like counseling.
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Old 05-28-2019, 04:19 PM
 
12,119 posts, read 9,873,153 times
Reputation: 15767
Quote:
Originally Posted by celticseas View Post
I don't know if anyone has had an experience with this. My wife and I have a 20yr old son. He is not currently in college or working but in high school. He seems to have "fallen off the rails" around 2015 when he was dismissed from school for suicidal comments. The principal didn't allow him to attend school but he still could attend the high school exams just study from home. He later got failed his exams and got nearly 0%. He is currently repeating his end of year exams.



We were struggling with him a bit but things were okay until my wife in January discovered that her friends DSLR camera was missing. She's in Africa until this August and gave it to her. The revelation from him was devastating to us. He said he pawned it off at shop for Ä90. We found out as well that a few things like hard drives, old laptops, the piano keyboard were missing. He said that he did it for beer money as well as weed, nicotine patches, codeine cough syrup etc.. We told him if he sold one more thing, we'd kick him out and told him to enroll in a drug rehabilitation programme. I also put a lock on my bedroom door.



I thought that was the end of the stuff being sold until my wife yesterday told me that a few of her items were missing when looking through the store. It seems he has moved from stealing electronics to small, inconspicuous things like her shoes, and some of her books.



Would this be the final straw for you?
Well, I don't know. It depends whether or not you have taken up any of the other straws. Suicidal ideation is not a behavior problem. What counseling have you sought for your son?
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Old 05-28-2019, 05:28 PM
 
9,352 posts, read 6,249,009 times
Reputation: 17626
Quote:
Originally Posted by celticseas View Post
I don't know if anyone has had an experience with this. My wife and I have a 20yr old son. He is not currently in college or working but in high school. He seems to have "fallen off the rails" around 2015 when he was dismissed from school for suicidal comments. The principal didn't allow him to attend school but he still could attend the high school exams just study from home. He later got failed his exams and got nearly 0%. He is currently repeating his end of year exams.



We were struggling with him a bit but things were okay until my wife in January discovered that her friends DSLR camera was missing. She's in Africa until this August and gave it to her. The revelation from him was devastating to us. He said he pawned it off at shop for Ä90. We found out as well that a few things like hard drives, old laptops, the piano keyboard were missing. He said that he did it for beer money as well as weed, nicotine patches, codeine cough syrup etc.. We told him if he sold one more thing, we'd kick him out and told him to enroll in a drug rehabilitation programme. I also put a lock on my bedroom door.



I thought that was the end of the stuff being sold until my wife yesterday told me that a few of her items were missing when looking through the store. It seems he has moved from stealing electronics to small, inconspicuous things like her shoes, and some of her books.



Would this be the final straw for you?

Son, or not, he'd be the hell out of my house in a second!


He is either a total loser, or needs tons of help. OR BOTH!
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Old 05-28-2019, 07:23 PM
 
5,599 posts, read 3,661,241 times
Reputation: 5417
I'd take him down to the basement and beat some sense in him...

Just my opinion.

But I'd have beat some sense into him far earlier than the point you're at.

Throw him out. He's a worthless thief.
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