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Old 05-29-2019, 01:30 PM
 
1,101 posts, read 589,358 times
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Rehab or bust. One of my neighborhood friends growing up was like this. He was a decent kid in Kindergarten, but by high school there were numerous problems. He joined the Navy at 18 and was booted just a few months later with neither him nor his parents saying why. He too started pawning off his electronics and guitars and such and stole directly from his parents' purses and wallets. Some people are just messed up and it's better to disassociate from them.


Sadly, once on this road people rarely recover. They will make a life out of bad decision after bad decision, always thinking in the short-term with a focus on instant gratification. Likely they will never plan ahead, save money, hold down decent jobs, own a home, or have meaningful relationships. In addition to that they will blame the rest of the world for their self-created problems.
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Old 05-29-2019, 01:46 PM
 
Location: S.W. Florida
2,204 posts, read 928,712 times
Reputation: 6208
Quote:
Originally Posted by celticseas View Post
I don't know if anyone has had an experience with this. My wife and I have a 20yr old son. He is not currently in college or working but in high school. He seems to have "fallen off the rails" around 2015 when he was dismissed from school for suicidal comments. The principal didn't allow him to attend school but he still could attend the high school exams just study from home. He later got failed his exams and got nearly 0%. He is currently repeating his end of year exams.



We were struggling with him a bit but things were okay until my wife in January discovered that her friends DSLR camera was missing. She's in Africa until this August and gave it to her. The revelation from him was devastating to us. He said he pawned it off at shop for €90. We found out as well that a few things like hard drives, old laptops, the piano keyboard were missing. He said that he did it for beer money as well as weed, nicotine patches, codeine cough syrup etc.. We told him if he sold one more thing, we'd kick him out and told him to enroll in a drug rehabilitation programme. I also put a lock on my bedroom door.



I thought that was the end of the stuff being sold until my wife yesterday told me that a few of her items were missing when looking through the store. It seems he has moved from stealing electronics to small, inconspicuous things like her shoes, and some of her books.



Would this be the final straw for you?
One question: WTH is wrong with you? Why on earth would you tolerate such behavior and allow him to continue wrecking your lives? Because he is your son? Where is it written that when your children have such lack of respect for their parents that you must roll over and ask them to continue? For God’s sake man, grow a pair and kick this punk out of your house.

If you don’t forcibly put an end to this insanity this kid will own you for the rest of your days. He has shown you no love or respect, and it’s not because he has a “drug problem”. His “problem” is he refuses to accept personal responsibility to get out and make his way in this world. As long as you continue to enable him, welcome to the rest of your life.
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Old 05-29-2019, 02:31 PM
 
Location: USA
215 posts, read 69,928 times
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Ron61, I agree. WTH, indeed?
OP, please give Al-Anon a chance. It has helped countless people reclaim their lives, despite what the addicted do - or do not do. To wit:
An acquaintance of mine has a son who is a recovering addict. At one point, things got so bad in their home that she drove him to a homeless shelter and dropped him off. (He was an adult at this stage, and he took advantage/abused the house rules/disrespected/broke her heart one too many times). It was her rock bottom - and it turned out to be his. While this may seem drastic to some, I can totally understand why this was her only option at that point.
She did what she needed to do - for her well being, sanity, and serenity. She never gave up hope, but she did relinquish her (perceived) control over the situation.
She is healing. He is in recovery.
Although there can be many harrowing stories during meetings, there are those that reinforce my belief that this program has spurned miracles of recovery, and fostered reunited, and healthier, family relationships by living its principles.
OP, I wish you best wishes and peace.
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Old 05-29-2019, 03:00 PM
 
Location: Minnesota
2,068 posts, read 852,663 times
Reputation: 3662
He probably has found a way to steal from neighbors too. Check his room for drugs and property that probably doesn't belong to him.
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Old 05-29-2019, 03:50 PM
 
10,060 posts, read 4,015,956 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ron61 View Post
One question: WTH is wrong with you? Why on earth would you tolerate such behavior and allow him to continue wrecking your lives? Because he is your son? Where is it written that when your children have such lack of respect for their parents that you must roll over and ask them to continue? For God’s sake man, grow a pair and kick this punk out of your house.

If you don’t forcibly put an end to this insanity this kid will own you for the rest of your days. He has shown you no love or respect, and it’s not because he has a “drug problem”. His “problem” is he refuses to accept personal responsibility to get out and make his way in this world. As long as you continue to enable him, welcome to the rest of your life.
That used to be the general belief. If you have a slacker young adult son/daughter, kick them out and make them sink or swim. That's what Tough Love is all about.

That's no longer believed to be the best thing to do, unless you honestly don't care if your child dies or is never seen again.

And, maybe that's the way you feel. I'd bet the OP doesn't want his son to die or completely get lost in the homeless community.
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Old 05-29-2019, 03:52 PM
 
Location: SoCal again
16,030 posts, read 12,814,885 times
Reputation: 31311
Quote:
Originally Posted by celticseas View Post
I don't know if anyone has had an experience with this. My wife and I have a 20yr old son. He is not currently in college or working but in high school. He seems to have "fallen off the rails" around 2015 when he was dismissed from school for suicidal comments. The principal didn't allow him to attend school but he still could attend the high school exams just study from home. He later got failed his exams and got nearly 0%. He is currently repeating his end of year exams.
Where were you when that happened? My parents studied every day with me, there was no way in hell I have 0%.

20 years old and not working and no GED - you should have stepped up a long time ago and put your foot down . ... or ... PARENT.

Now it is too late, he has drug problems and his future may be doomed.
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Old 05-29-2019, 03:58 PM
 
12,115 posts, read 9,870,711 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by oh-eve View Post
Where were you when that happened? My parents studied every day with me, there was no way in hell I have 0%.

20 years old and not working and no GED - you should have stepped up a long time ago and put your foot down . ... or ... PARENT.

Now it is too late, he has drug problems and his future may be doomed.
It is not too late. He is alive.
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Old 05-29-2019, 04:07 PM
 
10,060 posts, read 4,015,956 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by somebodynew View Post
It is not too late. He is alive.
And incredibly young.

For those of us with adult children, we've watched either family members, or neighbors, dear friends struggle with young adults (usually male) who have a very hard time getting their feet under them.

Giving up and throwing them out will not cause that to happen. 20 year olds who are capable of "getting their feet under them" have already done that.

For those whose children aren't a priority, who can't really live with much irritation and friction, I guess toss your 20 year olds out if they're not succeeding.

For the rest of us, it should be noted that despite the fact it used to be considered a promising thing to do, it isn't.
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Old 05-29-2019, 04:51 PM
 
Location: Minnesota
2,068 posts, read 852,663 times
Reputation: 3662
My nephew could have gone down the bad fork in the road . Did graduate HS, went to a two year out of town college, he was not college material. Flunked out, came home, kicked out of parents. Lived with Grandparents,who were out of town while winter. Numerous bank accounts closed with because if overdrafts. Could hold down part time jobs because a attitude problem. Enrolled in trade school, paid for by grandparents. Was too hungover in morning to get to class. I found him still sleeping at noon. Made up crazy excuse but I found out he was being expelled. So all his uncle's and aunts confronted him.v(not parents, too volitile) Told him one more chance or we would physically remove from grandparents. We were lucky, no drugs, think we caught at the tipping point. Plus, some young men just are not fully mentally mature until 22-23 or so, IMO. Happy to say he went back to trade school and now employed.

Op,get some support, alanon. Do you have any family members that can help?:
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Old 05-29-2019, 05:59 PM
Status: "Disagreeing is not the same thing as trolling." (set 6 days ago)
 
Location: Texas
9,438 posts, read 3,628,914 times
Reputation: 19454
Quote:
Originally Posted by uggina View Post
I think you and your son MUST connect with a psychologist. It can become a big problem in future(
Since his son is 20, he could refuse to see a psychologist.
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