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Old 07-03-2019, 02:01 PM
 
38,146 posts, read 14,902,572 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by celticseas View Post
For now, he's applying for a minimum wage job and think's he might get it as he has a reference from his mothers friend. He just finished his secondary school exams here in Ireland so if he gets into college, it'll be at least a start.

I was considering going to the police but I don't think here in Ireland we have a "scared straight" programme. I also wonder, if he get's charged with theft, how hard is it to get a job even with a college degree?
Applying for a job is a start. Hope he doesn't steal from them.

Not sure involving the police at this point would be helpful, and will cause a big rift in the family.

Lock up the valuables and hope he moves out soon.

I have a sister who steals things. She believed that things came like manna from heaven while it was difficult for her, so in her mind it is okay to steal from family and friends. Never able to convince her that this was wrong.
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Old 07-05-2019, 02:58 PM
 
Location: New York NY
4,266 posts, read 6,345,646 times
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This sounds depressing, but I would investigate NOW to see if there are diversion programs in the courts there. These are legal programs that will divert criminals arrested for theft, burglary, drug sales, and many other offenses to what is here in the U.S. mental health or drug treatment courts. There, the arrested individual must follow the rules of the program, perhaps for years, and if they do so they will leave without any criminal record and, of course, healthy and ready for a fresh start.

I suggest this because I fear the young man may relapse into drug use again because many, many drug users are dually-diagnosed; i.e. they have both a substance abuse problem and a mental health issue. Getting a GED and a part-time job is all to the good. But if these underlying conditions are not addressed ( and it sounds as if they have not been) the odds are that he will fall again into the same problems of stealing, depression, academic underachievement, drug use, etc. So I would prepare for that possibility now and hope that you don't need to go this route.

In the meantime you should do an intervention on this young man where his friends and family tell him with love that he has to seek treatment or that there will be consequences. Now what those consequences are only his friend and family can decide. But I would enlist the help of a professional to do this as soon as you can, and not wait for the inevitable arrest or early death. And some form of therapy will help you, as your burden now is tremendous. So seek out Al-Anon, at the very least.

This is a tough and heartbreaking situation and I've known a few people in your shoes OP. There are no guarantees, but it can work out. Good luck and God bless.
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Old 07-05-2019, 03:46 PM
Status: "Be yourself. What's the alternative?" (set 18 days ago)
 
8,689 posts, read 10,836,637 times
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Get him into therapy with a good therapist. The whole family should go.
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Old Today, 11:40 AM
 
29 posts, read 8,700 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by citylove101 View Post
This sounds depressing, but I would investigate NOW to see if there are diversion programs in the courts there. These are legal programs that will divert criminals arrested for theft, burglary, drug sales, and many other offenses to what is here in the U.S. mental health or drug treatment courts. There, the arrested individual must follow the rules of the program, perhaps for years, and if they do so they will leave without any criminal record and, of course, healthy and ready for a fresh start.

I suggest this because I fear the young man may relapse into drug use again because many, many drug users are dually-diagnosed; i.e. they have both a substance abuse problem and a mental health issue. Getting a GED and a part-time job is all to the good. But if these underlying conditions are not addressed ( and it sounds as if they have not been) the odds are that he will fall again into the same problems of stealing, depression, academic underachievement, drug use, etc. So I would prepare for that possibility now and hope that you don't need to go this route.

In the meantime you should do an intervention on this young man where his friends and family tell him with love that he has to seek treatment or that there will be consequences. Now what those consequences are only his friend and family can decide. But I would enlist the help of a professional to do this as soon as you can, and not wait for the inevitable arrest or early death. And some form of therapy will help you, as your burden now is tremendous. So seek out Al-Anon, at the very least.

This is a tough and heartbreaking situation and I've known a few people in your shoes OP. There are no guarantees, but it can work out. Good luck and God bless.
Well I'm not sure we have a problem like that in Ireland but there are drug courts. I wonder if you've had an experience with this?

It's not really something I can ask my African friends/workmates as you can imagine the shame/stigma of it.
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Old Today, 07:04 PM
 
Location: New York NY
4,266 posts, read 6,345,646 times
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There should be no shame or stigma in seeking help for a loved one who could end up in jail or dead, but I would not ask any of these friends or workmates. I would seek out an experienced interventionist by asking a rehab center if they have such a person on staff. They often do. You may also find professional interventionists listed online. I have been to two interventions, though I have organized neither, so I cannot give you first hand info on how they were organized.

At an intervention friends and/or family of the person essentially tell the person, who has been invited to the group under some pretense, that they love him, but that he must go to rehab, or that there will consequences -- no financial support, no friendship, no car rides, no living at home, or whatever. It is a choice that the person has to make immediately, or the consequences kick in immediately. The group does not have to be big, but must include those closest to the boy who love him, are trustworthy, know what he has done, have been affected by his misbehavior/drug use -- and want to see him get better.

The professional helps makes the arrangement with the rehab before the actual intervention. (In the U.S. its usually at least 30 days). Interventions are emotionally very intense--at least the ones that I attended were. Plenty of tears and crying. But they almost always succeed in getting a person into rehab, especially if the group is firm in carrying out the consequences they have promised.

I hope he gets the help he needs, and that you do too. As I say, your burden is different. But it is still a burden you should not carry alone.
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