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Old 05-28-2019, 02:09 AM
 
5 posts, read 2,377 times
Reputation: 24

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I don't know if anyone has had an experience with this. My wife and I have a 20yr old son. He is not currently in college or working but in high school. He seems to have "fallen off the rails" around 2015 when he was dismissed from school for suicidal comments. The principal didn't allow him to attend school but he still could attend the high school exams just study from home. He later got failed his exams and got nearly 0%. He is currently repeating his end of year exams.



We were struggling with him a bit but things were okay until my wife in January discovered that her friends DSLR camera was missing. She's in Africa until this August and gave it to her. The revelation from him was devastating to us. He said he pawned it off at shop for €90. We found out as well that a few things like hard drives, old laptops, the piano keyboard were missing. He said that he did it for beer money as well as weed, nicotine patches, codeine cough syrup etc.. We told him if he sold one more thing, we'd kick him out and told him to enroll in a drug rehabilitation programme. I also put a lock on my bedroom door.



I thought that was the end of the stuff being sold until my wife yesterday told me that a few of her items were missing when looking through the store. It seems he has moved from stealing electronics to small, inconspicuous things like her shoes, and some of her books.



Would this be the final straw for you?
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Old 05-28-2019, 03:44 AM
 
1,330 posts, read 795,408 times
Reputation: 2055
Hopefully that wasn't your only child if you want grandchildren some day.

He's done. You're his parents so it's much harder for you accept that people who behave like this rarely become anything more than a ridiculous burden upon any who feel even the slightest shred of sympathy for them.

It sucks to tell a parent that a kid is as stunted intellectually or emotionally as a crippled kid is stunted physically, especially since it doesn't seem you're at fault...

...especially since our society has, enabled eccentricities, by giving CPS types the ability to punish parents for the slightest, and in some cases non-existent offense...
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Old 05-28-2019, 06:25 AM
 
Location: North Dakota
7,663 posts, read 8,950,244 times
Reputation: 10938
Quote:
Originally Posted by celticseas View Post
I don't know if anyone has had an experience with this. My wife and I have a 20yr old son. He is not currently in college or working but in high school. He seems to have "fallen off the rails" around 2015 when he was dismissed from school for suicidal comments. The principal didn't allow him to attend school but he still could attend the high school exams just study from home. He later got failed his exams and got nearly 0%. He is currently repeating his end of year exams.



We were struggling with him a bit but things were okay until my wife in January discovered that her friends DSLR camera was missing. She's in Africa until this August and gave it to her. The revelation from him was devastating to us. He said he pawned it off at shop for 90. We found out as well that a few things like hard drives, old laptops, the piano keyboard were missing. He said that he did it for beer money as well as weed, nicotine patches, codeine cough syrup etc.. We told him if he sold one more thing, we'd kick him out and told him to enroll in a drug rehabilitation programme. I also put a lock on my bedroom door.



I thought that was the end of the stuff being sold until my wife yesterday told me that a few of her items were missing when looking through the store. It seems he has moved from stealing electronics to small, inconspicuous things like her shoes, and some of her books.



Would this be the final straw for you?
The final straw would have been the first time something was stolen. He needs an ultimatum. Rehab or you call the cops.
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Old 05-28-2019, 06:44 AM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
42,646 posts, read 41,381,512 times
Reputation: 81968
He seems to have fallen off the rails 4 years ago. This:

Quote:
Originally Posted by celticseas View Post

...he was dismissed from school for suicidal comments. The principal didn't allow him to attend school but he still could attend the high school exams just study from home. He later got failed his exams and got nearly 0%.
.... was the time to step in and help him get his life in order. Did you just let him stay home and spiral downward without getting him some kind of professional help for the thoughts that led to his suicidal comments??

Quote:
Originally Posted by celticseas View Post

We were struggling with him a bit but things were okay until my wife in January discovered that her friends DSLR camera was missing. She's in Africa until this August and gave it to her.
She went to Africa without her camera?

Quote:
Originally Posted by celticseas View Post

We found out as well that a few things like hard drives, old laptops, the piano keyboard were missing.
Are y'all never home, or just not very observant? I'm sorry you are going through this, but you need to wake up and step up.
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Old 05-28-2019, 07:00 AM
 
Location: Maryland
1,697 posts, read 535,008 times
Reputation: 3764
Yes, it would definitely be the final straw for me. Family or not, he’s a criminal and needs to realize for himself the consequences of such conduct.
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Old 05-28-2019, 09:16 AM
 
Location: In the house we finally own!
516 posts, read 256,017 times
Reputation: 2434
My son borrowed my guitar and keyboard a few years ago. When I asked for them back, he kept telling me they were "in storage" and he would get them back to me when he had time. I kept asking and he kept putting me off.

My husband and daughter thought that maybe he had pawned them, so they went to the pawn shop my son would go to and asked them about the items. Yep, he had pawned them. When I called him on it, he said it was my fault because I wouldn't give him money. My mother's engagement ring and my grandmother's wedding ring went missing about the same time. He swears he didn't take them, but I don't believe him. If he did pawn them, it wasn't at that particular store (that banned him after they found out what he did), so I will probably never know.

I thought I had raised him better than that, but he apparently decided to take after his abusive sociopath father, who has no conscience or concept of consequences. It makes me very sad.
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Old 05-28-2019, 09:55 AM
 
Location: Sugarland
13,740 posts, read 12,631,336 times
Reputation: 16579
Quote:
Originally Posted by RageX View Post
Hopefully that wasn't your only child if you want grandchildren some day.

He's done. You're his parents so it's much harder for you accept that people who behave like this rarely become anything more than a ridiculous burden upon any who feel even the slightest shred of sympathy for them.

It sucks to tell a parent that a kid is as stunted intellectually or emotionally as a crippled kid is stunted physically, especially since it doesn't seem you're at fault...

...especially since our society has, enabled eccentricities, by giving CPS types the ability to punish parents for the slightest, and in some cases non-existent offense...
Thats the first thing you thought about based on what the OP wrote? Oh no, but what about grandchildren?! And hes only 20. I think its a bit early to say that hes done.
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Old 05-28-2019, 11:41 AM
 
Location: Fort Lauderdale, Florida
9,067 posts, read 8,215,349 times
Reputation: 19646
He's a thief.

You need to remove him from your home before he pawns something of value.
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Old 05-28-2019, 12:35 PM
 
5 posts, read 2,377 times
Reputation: 24
Quote:
Originally Posted by LesLucid View Post
Yes, it would definitely be the final straw for me. Family or not, hes a criminal and needs to realize for himself the consequences of such conduct.
Have you any experience with this or relatives/friends who had drug addicted children?
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Old 05-28-2019, 01:02 PM
 
Location: Coastal New Jersey
55,578 posts, read 54,174,429 times
Reputation: 65726
Quote:
Originally Posted by celticseas View Post
I don't know if anyone has had an experience with this. My wife and I have a 20yr old son. He is not currently in college or working but in high school. He seems to have "fallen off the rails" around 2015 when he was dismissed from school for suicidal comments. The principal didn't allow him to attend school but he still could attend the high school exams just study from home. He later got failed his exams and got nearly 0%. He is currently repeating his end of year exams.



We were struggling with him a bit but things were okay until my wife in January discovered that her friends DSLR camera was missing. She's in Africa until this August and gave it to her. The revelation from him was devastating to us. He said he pawned it off at shop for €90. We found out as well that a few things like hard drives, old laptops, the piano keyboard were missing. He said that he did it for beer money as well as weed, nicotine patches, codeine cough syrup etc.. We told him if he sold one more thing, we'd kick him out and told him to enroll in a drug rehabilitation programme. I also put a lock on my bedroom door.



I thought that was the end of the stuff being sold until my wife yesterday told me that a few of her items were missing when looking through the store. It seems he has moved from stealing electronics to small, inconspicuous things like her shoes, and some of her books.



Would this be the final straw for you?
Seriously? "ONE MORE TIME AND WHY, WE'LL REALLY GET MAD..."

Did you really think that little verbal swat was going to stop a drug addict from stealing?

I am sorry, but you sound extremely naive. Or maybe I just know too much.

He has to leave your home if he will not go to rehab RIGHT NOW. Unfortunately, forcing someone into rehab doesn't always work if they are not ready themselves, so be aware of that.

And get some education about drug addiction and how to manage your own lives with an addicted family member. I see you are not in the USA, but they surely have the same or similar programs for families of addicts, such as Al-Anon, wherever you are.

Good luck. It is one of the most difficult things for a parent to deal with, but you are not alone.

ETA: This may be a place to start.

https://al-anon.org/for-members/international/
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Last edited by Mightyqueen801; 05-28-2019 at 01:13 PM..
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