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Old 06-06-2019, 11:38 AM
 
Location: Grosse Ile Michigan
26,412 posts, read 62,641,511 times
Reputation: 30150

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I am finding that what we want for our kids changes with age.

When they were in early years of school, we wanted them to go to college and grad school and have successful, prestigious, exciting careers. Jr. high we wanted them to be involved in things and have enough solid friends to have fun and positive memories of their school years. By high school, we realized it was more important for them to just be happy in whatever they did whether they wanted to be alone or have lots of friends, or play sports, or sing or watch Japnese cartoons all day. After college we were more hoping they would just find something where they would not be miserable, depressed, whatever and could be self supporting (most of them are on track for that, but often only after first chasing something that they thought would make them happy or successful but made them miserable instead). Finally, as we get older and face mortality more, we find we want them to be in a strong relationship with God. Otherwise, when they die, they will just be gone and what was it all for?

Where are you in life and what do you want for your children? Do you find it has changed over the years? Of course people probably want all of these things for their kids all the way along, but I think your priority focus changes.


I am discounting the early years where you just hope one day in the future, they will learn to use a potty, get out of diapers, and stop smearing poop on the walls for fun.
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Old 06-06-2019, 12:00 PM
 
Location: Rochester NY
1,188 posts, read 798,229 times
Reputation: 1893
I just want them to be decent human beings and to stay away from drugs, out of jail, and to not have kids young/before they're married. Stay away from those 3 things and chances are they will turn out okay. If you want to go a little more in depth I hope they are healthy/physically active and have a job they enjoy doing every day. And I don't care if they go college, do a trade, join the military. Just as long as the enjoy what they do and don't work their life away.
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Old 06-06-2019, 12:05 PM
 
Location: Grosse Ile Michigan
26,412 posts, read 62,641,511 times
Reputation: 30150
Quote:
Originally Posted by gt87 View Post
I just want them to be decent human beings and to stay away from drugs, out of jail, and to not have kids young/before they're married. Stay away from those 3 things and chances are they will turn out okay. If you want to go a little more in depth I hope they are healthy/physically active and have a job they enjoy doing every day. And I don't care if they go college, do a trade, join the military. Just as long as the enjoy what they do and don't work their life away.
Just curious, what age range are you kids?
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Old 06-06-2019, 01:00 PM
 
3,410 posts, read 3,196,136 times
Reputation: 3848
My son is approaching middle school and my daughter is close to having one more year.

My son has told both his father and I that he wants to go to college and major in Chemistry. He has a love and passion for science. We will see if he keeps that same love and passion through his remaining years of schooling before he reaches college age.

My daughter loves animals and wants to do something with them. She's asked if she's old enough to pet sit and at this point she's not. She's currently in a dual language immersion program and I hope that she weaves that piece into whatever she does in the future.

I want them both to be successsful, happy and have a passion in whatever career they end up in. There is a push for college and not all students are made for college. Some are made for a trade or to go another route. Life is to short to be miserable and to have any regrets.
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Old 06-06-2019, 01:41 PM
 
Location: San Antonio, TX
11,140 posts, read 20,307,607 times
Reputation: 26372
My kids are 13 and 17. My 13 year old has a chronic illness that's making it difficult for her to do normal things like go to school. She wants to be a lawyer. I'm afraid her illness will get in the way of such a demanding goal. I just want her to be happy with whatever she ends up doing.
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Old 06-06-2019, 01:58 PM
 
Location: Rochester NY
1,188 posts, read 798,229 times
Reputation: 1893
Quote:
Originally Posted by Coldjensens View Post
Just curious, what age range are you kids?
My son is 9 and I have twin 7 YO daughters
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Old 06-06-2019, 02:07 PM
 
264 posts, read 128,562 times
Reputation: 603
Quote:
Where are you in life and what do you want for your children? Do you find it has changed over the years? Of course people probably want all of these things for their kids all the way along, but I think your priority focus changes.


I am discounting the early years where you just hope one day in the future, they will learn to use a potty, get out of diapers, and stop smearing poop on the walls for fun.
Well, I am still in the early years. I just hope they don't turn into serial killers. The above mentioned would be nice, too.
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Old 06-06-2019, 02:13 PM
 
Location: Denver CO
20,950 posts, read 11,615,689 times
Reputation: 31798
My son is a rising HS sophomore. I want him to be happy of course, but I also want him to have a career that is intellectually stimulating for him, and which hopefully is remunerative enough to provide a comfortable life - it's not all about the money but enough so that it's also not all about worrying about having enough money. I don't think these ideas are mutually exclusive, it's not be happy OR have an intellectually stimulating career.

Every child should be allowed to follow their own path, and not all paths have to lead to college (and beyond) and that's as it should be. But I am confident that is the correct path for my son. He's highly gifted in science, and esp. math and using his talents will involve higher education. And no, this isn't just my opinion, he got A+ in honors math and science, and won class awards for those subjects at a STEM-focused school. Just like I'd want someone with natural athletic or artistic abilities to pursue those, I am guiding my son to pursue his own natural strengths.

And of course, the older he's gotten, he has his own ideas about his own goals and dreams. At least as of now, they are not in conflict with the ones I have for him and while I know that could change, it may also stay consistent.

ETA: Yes, my dreams for him have changed a little over time, as he's confirmed his own interest in and ability to pursue the path that I've described. His intelligence was always clear, but I wasn't always sure if he would apply himself to this extent. I was always a hardworking student who worked hard to get all As, I always knew he had the ability but wasn't he would put in the work. But this year, he decided he was motivated enough to do it, and I think actually enjoyed challenging himself.

Last edited by emm74; 06-06-2019 at 03:21 PM..
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Old 06-06-2019, 04:01 PM
 
Location: The point of no return, er, NorCal
7,204 posts, read 4,610,047 times
Reputation: 9251
Quote:
Originally Posted by Coldjensens View Post
I am finding that what we want for our kids changes with age.

When they were in early years of school, we wanted them to go to college and grad school and have successful, prestigious, exciting careers. Jr. high we wanted them to be involved in things and have enough solid friends to have fun and positive memories of their school years. By high school, we realized it was more important for them to just be happy in whatever they did whether they wanted to be alone or have lots of friends, or play sports, or sing or watch Japnese cartoons all day. After college we were more hoping they would just find something where they would not be miserable, depressed, whatever and could be self supporting (most of them are on track for that, but often only after first chasing something that they thought would make them happy or successful but made them miserable instead). Finally, as we get older and face mortality more, we find we want them to be in a strong relationship with God. Otherwise, when they die, they will just be gone and what was it all for?

Where are you in life and what do you want for your children? Do you find it has changed over the years? Of course people probably want all of these things for their kids all the way along, but I think your priority focus changes.


I am discounting the early years where you just hope one day in the future, they will learn to use a potty, get out of diapers, and stop smearing poop on the walls for fun.
I can't say the goals above, as a whole, represent my overall goals for my kids. I can most relate to the bolded text and that has been our philosophy/thinking from their early stages of development. We have a general idea of what we "envision" for our kids based on their life trajectory, personality type, temperament, interests, goals, passions, aptitude, etc. But there's a foundation to these "goals" or what we envision for them. Our value system and life philosophy inform our parenting dynamic, approach and practices.
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Old 06-06-2019, 04:31 PM
 
Location: The point of no return, er, NorCal
7,204 posts, read 4,610,047 times
Reputation: 9251
Quote:
Originally Posted by emm74 View Post
My son is a rising HS sophomore. I want him to be happy of course, but I also want him to have a career that is intellectually stimulating for him, and which hopefully is remunerative enough to provide a comfortable life - it's not all about the money but enough so that it's also not all about worrying about having enough money. I don't think these ideas are mutually exclusive, it's not be happy OR have an intellectually stimulating career.

Every child should be allowed to follow their own path, and not all paths have to lead to college (and beyond) and that's as it should be. But I am confident that is the correct path for my son. He's highly gifted in science, and esp. math and using his talents will involve higher education. And no, this isn't just my opinion, he got A+ in honors math and science, and won class awards for those subjects at a STEM-focused school. Just like I'd want someone with natural athletic or artistic abilities to pursue those, I am guiding my son to pursue his own natural strengths.

And of course, the older he's gotten, he has his own ideas about his own goals and dreams. At least as of now, they are not in conflict with the ones I have for him and while I know that could change, it may also stay consistent.

ETA: Yes, my dreams for him have changed a little over time, as he's confirmed his own interest in and ability to pursue the path that I've described. His intelligence was always clear, but I wasn't always sure if he would apply himself to this extent. I was always a hardworking student who worked hard to get all As, I always knew he had the ability but wasn't he would put in the work. But this year, he decided he was motivated enough to do it, and I think actually enjoyed challenging himself.
This is our thinking, too. We encourage them to explore the things they find intellectually stimulating and rewarding. I can't ever say a "lucrative" or prestigious career has ever been our goal or aspiration for them. My oldest (incoming freshman) used to be STEAM-oriented. She was leaning toward computer science with a minor in game design. She attended STEM conferences in her IB program when she was more interested in tech. Then her interest started to shift when she started taking Mandarin and getting more involved in writing and drawing. She excels in math, but humanities are what she's naturally drawn to. She's since developed an interest in majoring in linguistics and minoring in Mandarin. She'll continue to write and draw on the side. She still has the goal to publish her first book by 16.

My middle daughter has fixated on animals and all things nature since her preschool years. She's spent a considerable amount of time studying her chosen fields of interest. She's been interested in wildlife biology and geology since 4th grade. She 's the type that would devote her life to her passion and intellectual pursuits. We've already started researching colleges with her desired majors. She, too, will continue her passion for writing and drawing as a side thing that has the potential to become more. Our overall goals are tailored to suit them.
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