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Old 06-09-2019, 01:24 PM
 
Location: Northern Virginia
1,232 posts, read 454,796 times
Reputation: 2967

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Quote:
Originally Posted by YorktownGal View Post
I disagree. I can't imagine anyone willing spending their lives without friends or spouse living in their parents house. There has to be a serious problem.

It sounds like there's food on the table and there's little to do for this woman other than to chill and engage in activities she enjoys i.e. being online and playing video games. None of the things described in the OP amount to symptoms of mental illness. I see a slacker here.


21st century slackers don't hang out at the local park or outside 7-11, they hang out online. They may have dozens of friends and romantic interests, they may have status and prestige, all completely invisible if you didn't know them online. If you're in your 20s or 30s, you've probably known people like that.


The only thing that makes people like that change their lives is necessity because otherwise it's a far too comfortable existence. It's by no means a fulfilling or healthy existence, but people don't always see it that way. There's people who'd hate the idea of a regular lifestyle of a 9-5 job with adult responsibilities etc. so much, they'd find living in their mom's basement with access to video games and Youtube a lot more preferable.
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Old 06-09-2019, 03:50 PM
 
Location: Southwest Washington State
24,463 posts, read 15,775,220 times
Reputation: 35968
Quote:
Originally Posted by YorktownGal View Post
I disagree. I can't imagine anyone willing spending their lives without friends or spouse living in their parents house. There has to be a serious problem.

My younger cousin used to face the wall and bang his head repeatedly - for fun. This was the 1960's and his mother brought him to the doctor and the doctor said "don't worry, he'll grow out of it."

My sister-in-law could never keep friends because she is bipolar.

They just didn't have the language or foresight to deal with disabilities in the 1960. However, your daughter was born in the mid-1980. I would have thought, right or wrong, that it would have been different by then.

Obviously your daughter need a full evaluation.
I know of a case where a man simply never moved away from his parents’ home. He was bright. Probably he was insecure and maybe lazy. I don’t know, but I don’t think he had mental illness. You know you would never choose to live like that, nor would I. But for some people it is the easy way, and the longer they live like that, the harder it is to seek employment out in the world.

I do agree that daughter needs evaluation, but this mother has never been able to get her daughter to do anything. At this point, she can only control what she, herself, does.
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Old 06-09-2019, 05:42 PM
 
59 posts, read 17,856 times
Reputation: 196
What outcomes would you be satisfied with -

Daughter enrolls in 12 credits of college courses and works 10 hours a week?
Daughter enrolls in full-time school?
Daughter finds a full-time job and pays $800/month in rent?
Daughter seeks a neuropsychological exam and follows through on recommended services?
Daughter sets up ongoing services with a counselor and talks to her PCP about antidepressants?
Daughter moves out?

You may have other ideas or want to play around with the numbers, of course. Figure out what you are willing to accept and present her with those options. She must follow through with one of them by September 1st (or another date of your choosing) or you will begin eviction proceedings. But you have to be truly willing to kick her out or nothing will be accomplished.

Whatever the reason your daughter is experiencing "failure to launch", you are enabling her and allowing it to continue.
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Old 06-09-2019, 05:46 PM
 
Location: Santa Monica, Ca
8,015 posts, read 4,389,939 times
Reputation: 19668
She’s 35 and this is now an issue? Where are you been up until now?
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Old 06-09-2019, 06:11 PM
 
Location: 500 miles from home
31,977 posts, read 17,642,445 times
Reputation: 24074
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sydney123 View Post
She’s 35 and this is now an issue? Where are you been up until now?
I agree. Never went to a doctor? Is this even real is my question.
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Old 06-09-2019, 07:45 PM
 
1,217 posts, read 353,407 times
Reputation: 3151
Quote:
Originally Posted by YorktownGal View Post
I disagree. I can't imagine anyone willing spending their lives without friends or spouse living in their parents house. There has to be a serious problem.
.
Not necessarily
I know several young people in a very similar situations and absolutely nothing medically wrong with them.
Example
One- who was an excellent student in high school, got accepted to a famous prestigious university- dropped out twice.Returned home, lived with parents for a number of years and worked manual jobs- grocery store, coffee shop. During a spare time - was reading and playing video games late night into the mornings every day.
Luckily, by chance - was recommended to a company and was hired in a different locale - more professional position and moved out, got an apartment.
Doing exactly the same- no intimate friends, reading and playing video games. Very content doing that.
No any other interests, very pleasantly communicates with others when the chance present itself, but no personal friends, no dating
Similar age to OP’s daughter
Instead of virtual reality is it a”real” virtuality?
They say videgaming addiction will become a mental disorder in 2020.
Not saying that it is due to video games though...

Last edited by Nik4me; 06-09-2019 at 07:59 PM..
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Old 06-09-2019, 09:59 PM
 
842 posts, read 540,062 times
Reputation: 501
Parenting sounds a little suspect here. Mother doesn't write a post on how she treated her for last 35 years. Daughter could be abused when young. ADHD is a possibility, not just autism.
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Old 06-09-2019, 10:09 PM
 
Location: Southwest Washington State
24,463 posts, read 15,775,220 times
Reputation: 35968
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ringo1 View Post
I agree. Never went to a doctor? Is this even real is my question.
OP has not posted that she never saw a doctor. She has admitted she never sought psychological help for her.
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Old 06-10-2019, 12:03 AM
 
Location: NYC
4,091 posts, read 1,786,366 times
Reputation: 2027
Quote:
Originally Posted by Veritas Vincit View Post
I hate to say it but a kid turning out to be a loser does not mean they have a medical or psychiatric condition of any sort. There's many far more obvious and likely causes.

A highly questionable (and probably false) opinion.
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Old 06-10-2019, 07:33 AM
 
68 posts, read 26,839 times
Reputation: 187
Thanks for all of the replies. She either spends all of her time on the phone, playing video games (She is REALLY into world of warcraft) or messing around on social media. I get that I should have seeked help much earlier but that is neither here nor there. I strongly suspect she has some autism.
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