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Old 10-08-2019, 05:49 PM
34 posts, read 15,005 times
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Just wanted to post an update: Last week daughter got a job at a local convenience store, she ended up quitting after just three days. She came home complaining that her manager was having her wash all the dishes and saying that the morning crew didn't do the dishes so she had to do them and told her manager about it saying why should she have to do the dishes of the morning crew to which her manager responded "Well, just do them" at which point she got upset and just left.

Then saying things like "She's a *****" and "She made me do all the dishes when I shouldn't have to, she's horrible". I know she has always had lots of trouble with criticism and being told what to do and will always quickly drop anything she feels is the slightest bit unfair.
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Old Yesterday, 07:12 PM
2,379 posts, read 1,526,239 times
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Admittedly, I did not read this entire thread (I read about half of it). However, I do think you should take her to a psychologist to see if there are any identifiable barriers in her way (i.e., a diagnosis of some sort). For whatever reason, she's not functioning as an adult. It could be a number of factors, but it's all just guessing until someone who does this for a living can gather information and help you both work through it.
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Old Today, 08:54 AM
36 posts, read 8,774 times
Reputation: 88
No matter what "diagnosis" may be given to OP's daughter by medical professionals, it wouldn't change the dynamics of this domestic dilemma.

Daughter is not capable of functioning in her life in a normal way, based on the information given by OP.

An adult can't be forced into treatment they're not interested in pursuing.

If OP makes her leave the house daughter will end up on the streets homeless.

When we decide to have children we don't know what the future holds, what they will become. Luck of the draw.

OP, I feel for you it must be incredibly frustrating. But pared to the bare-bones the choices are two: accept or reject. Each choice will have consequences, not many of them happy.

This situation is probably actually not that uncommon. A friend's sister never left her mother's home.

My grandmother's brother lived all his life in his parent's house and never held a job.

Not telling you what to do but I could not put my child even a grown child out to fend as best she could.

Last edited by RubyandPearl; Today at 09:27 AM..
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Old Today, 09:23 AM
4,258 posts, read 2,822,208 times
Reputation: 9352
Nothing is going to change OP unless you put your foot down and force her to move out and be independent. If you don't, it's virtually certain she will be living with you the rest of her life.

She will eventually have to support herself and be independent when you are gone. It would be much easier for that to happen when she's 30 rather than 50.

Sadly, you don't have great choices at this point. Either you accept this is the rest of your life or make her move and accept the consequences. Although at this point, you would probably have to evict her if she wouldn't go willingly.
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Old Today, 10:16 AM
Location: Southwest Washington State
23,119 posts, read 15,094,258 times
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I stand by what I posted in post #32.
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Old Today, 10:43 AM
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Originally Posted by silibran View Post
This. 35 years ago we thought of autism as non verbal kids banging their heads into walls. It was rarer and generally appeared in boys. So, if daughter had issues, no one might have considered autism. But, surely there were signs of trouble? Has she had therapy? Is she able to take direction?

I do think that unless she is unable to work because of disability, in which case she needs to be on disability, she needs some tough love. Yeah, she need counseling or some type of therapy, but so does the OP. I sense that OP needs to set rules and enforce them.

But we donít know why daughter refuses to engage with the world as an adult. So, there is a big question mark there. We donít know if she has been spoiled, catered to, had a strict upbringing, is mentally deficient, etc.

My son with Asperger's is 33. Just 2 years younger.

Surely your daughter had issues at school, right? And you never raised concerns with your daughter's pediatrician? Never considered ADHD or anything?

I will freely admit that back then, I didn't understand or had even HEARD of Asperger's...but I knew SOMETHING was up, and sought treatment for my son, and finally, a teacher pointed us in the direction of Asperger's.

Did you daughter ever have an IEP?
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Old Today, 12:40 PM
472 posts, read 121,966 times
Reputation: 939
Originally Posted by Msgenerse View Post
My daughter is 35, and while I always knew she was different, I tried to help her, yet she refuses to go to school or do anything with her life. I strongly suspect she has some autism. She has gotten jobs before but either gets fired or quits saying she just can't deal with working there. She has attended community College that I paid for, but quit that as well, twice.

She barely graduated high school as it is. I have tried to get her some therapy but she refuses to attend. She has had boyfriends but only for a short while, never any girlfriends. I just don't know what to do, I have tried everything, but it has been a very long and difficult time dealing with this. She spends most of her time browsing online, playing video games or just messing around in her room.

I think she might be good working on computers, maybe even as a programmer. She can take classes online. To get her started I would bring a tutor to work with her at home and see if she takes to it.
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