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Old 06-23-2019, 02:58 PM
 
2,032 posts, read 859,539 times
Reputation: 5027

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Ask for a nominal rent that will compensate you for what he eats and uses in utilities, and require him to not eat in his room because of the ants. The rest (bathing, his tires if it's his car, if not sell the car) is his business whether you like it or not. If he refuses to pay rent or you really can't stand living with him ask him to get out. If he doesn't, get a landlord/tenant lawyer and have him legally evicted from the premises, which will be done by marshals.
He's of age and will have to step up when he is on his own. But he will probably decide to move out rather than pay rent to live at home, as we found out when we asked our son to pay rent. There was an item in the news a couple of months ago where a couple in a well to do middle class area went to court to have their 42 year old son evicted from their house. He made a good salary and had a nice truck, and lots of toys, but wasn't willing to give up his free ride at his parents' house.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Tf12345 View Post
My 19 yr old son will not bathe or brush his teeth without constant nagging. He keeps old food and half empty pop cans in his room. Last year we got ants because of it. He has been driving around on tires that are almost flat for weeks because he wont go get air in them. I originally thought he might be depressed but he goes out with friends regularly and has many future events he is excited about. Additionally he states he is not depressed but says my nagging is depressing him. Finally in the 13 months since he graduated high school he has only worked 6 months. My husband (his dad) got him a good job with his company, but within 2 months he was intentionally doing a bad job to get fired. Well now he is fired and is making no effort to look for a job. He was able to save a couple thousand in the 3 months he worked and it looks like he plans to live off his savings before worrying about work. This is creating huge problems in our family. Any advice?
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Old 06-23-2019, 04:19 PM
 
3,542 posts, read 1,355,757 times
Reputation: 6942
Advice?

ok.
first, i typed a long "advice column", but deleted it....
because six paragraphs could be distilled down into one concept:
let him fail.
let the tires blow out.
let the money run out.

we did this with my wife's alcoholic father.
after two tries, he has been sober for 33 years.
it is a hard row to hoe.
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Old 06-23-2019, 04:31 PM
 
10 posts, read 4,898 times
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The personal hygiene issue is huge for my husband. He is mainly staying in our bedroom now. Tonight we were going out to dinner, so we told both our boys if they want to go out to dinner they needed to shower and be ready by 4:30. My 19 old said he was not going although it is one of his favorite restaurants and ordered doordash and went to play basketball. So frustrating.
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Old 06-23-2019, 04:33 PM
 
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"The personal hygiene issue is huge for my husband. He is mainly staying in our bedroom now."
is husband or son staying in "our" bedroom?
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Old 06-23-2019, 04:37 PM
 
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Sorry my husband (dad) is staying in the bedroom to avoid him and the smell. We got new furniture not too long ago and my husband is convinced it stinks. To be quite honest it does not seem as bad as my husband is making it.
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Old 06-23-2019, 04:41 PM
 
Location: planet earth
4,813 posts, read 1,832,844 times
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Who is paying for Doordash?
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Old 06-23-2019, 04:44 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
43,192 posts, read 41,793,678 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tf12345 View Post
Sorry my husband (dad) is staying in the bedroom to avoid him and the smell. We got new furniture not too long ago and my husband is convinced it stinks. To be quite honest it does not seem as bad as my husband is making it.
That's ridiculous.

Bathing is non-negotiable.
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Old 06-23-2019, 04:57 PM
 
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My son is paying for doordash as he saved a couple of thousand from his previous job.
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Old 06-23-2019, 04:58 PM
 
3,542 posts, read 1,355,757 times
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"To be quite honest it does not seem as bad as my husband is making it."
regardless....does it actually stink, however bad or not as bad?
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Old 06-23-2019, 05:01 PM
 
10 posts, read 4,898 times
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I have not noticed the furniture smelling. My son sometimes smells, his hair looks greasy and because he wont shave, his facial hair looks pretty bad. l literally nag him nonstop to make sure he takes a shower every few days, but since he plays basketball and previously did manual labor bathing twice a week is not enough.

Last edited by Tf12345; 06-23-2019 at 05:14 PM..
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