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My S/O and I have been together for 2 years. She had 2 children from a previous marriage, the youngest has been medical conditions but nothing along the lines of sped. Her attitude is horrid .. she always gets her way, she always talks like a baby and she always gets to do as she pleases. My s/O takes it mostly seriously and honestly punished her well but some times she just seems to give up or not take it seriously. They are almost EVERYDAY. Over the smallest things instant whining and fit. And it’s becoming more violent. She wakes up in the middle of the night and makes my S/O come to her bed and I have to go get her after. Multiple times a night, and tonight she woke up came to our room, and my S/O didn’t wake up ( mind you she didn’t even say anything) she slammed the door and ran back to her room bawling, so I followed her to her room and tried to talk to her, she kicked me over and over and finally smacked me as hard as she could across the face. And anytime I bring up any sort of help for her, my s/o acts like I’m insane. Or that it’s completely normal when I can promise you this is extreme and is not normal. I just don’t know what to do now.
There isn't enough information to give any advice. I can say that having a child with special needs means that other things tend to slide, not intentionally but just to survive. It is an ongoing process, and it isn't unusual to have rough patches along the way. That said, physical attacks are not ok; and I don't know how/why you allowed her to kick you multiple times and hit you in the face. Seems like your SO isn't the only one enabling this behavior.
If you want a happy life get a new S/O. You'll be fighting this battle forever. Problem solved.
I tend to agree with this, only because it's very hard to give you advice, OP, when 1) this is an ongoing problem of parenting that seems to be the result of bad habits that have been in place since her birth and 2) you aren't the primary parent, and you currently have very little say with this child. Her mom is the one who needs to be asking about this, but since she thinks you're insane for questioning this, it doesn't sound like anything will change, except to get worse.
The reason it's such a huge problem that is not easily corrected is that it will take a massive overhaul of patterns and habits for ALL members of the household. Unfortunately there's no magic fix for this, just lots of painful, hard effort.
Please be sure you are using good birth control because the very last thing y'all need is another baby in the mix. I also would consider VERY honestly how committed you are to this woman. She already has shown you where you rank when it comes to the kids and the family as a whole.
This is not a good situation for you. You need to leave this relationship. The 6 yr old, through no fault of yours, understandably resents you being there, and is demonstrating it very clearly. It's going to get even worse as she gets older. Let someone else live this tragedy.
Find yourself a new woman, with no children, and be happy. Also, until you get out, which should be today, make very sure your SO doesn't get "accidentally" pregnant - meaning if you're going to have relations, use a condom, and flush it down the toilet yourself. But really, just get out of there. Pronto.
My S/O and I have been together for 2 years. She had 2 children from a previous marriage, the youngest has been medical conditions but nothing along the lines of sped. Her attitude is horrid .. she always gets her way, she always talks like a baby and she always gets to do as she pleases. My s/O takes it mostly seriously and honestly punished her well but some times she just seems to give up or not take it seriously. They are almost EVERYDAY. Over the smallest things instant whining and fit. And it’s becoming more violent. She wakes up in the middle of the night and makes my S/O come to her bed and I have to go get her after. Multiple times a night, and tonight she woke up came to our room, and my S/O didn’t wake up ( mind you she didn’t even say anything) she slammed the door and ran back to her room bawling, so I followed her to her room and tried to talk to her, she kicked me over and over and finally smacked me as hard as she could across the face. And anytime I bring up any sort of help for her, my s/o acts like I’m insane. Or that it’s completely normal when I can promise you this is extreme and is not normal. I just don’t know what to do now.
Despite what you say about this not being a special education condition, I will say that if you have not had her evaluated for this, you should.
What does her school say if she is in school?
It may be that mom is letting things slide due to whatever medical issues she has, but that is not a good thing. The incident with the night waking sounds like she is anxious and wants her mom to pay attention to her, but she does not know how to get the attention she wants. Not saying anything to wake mom up is really odd.
My S/O and I have been together for 2 years. She had 2 children from a previous marriage, the youngest has been medical conditions but nothing along the lines of sped. Her attitude is horrid .. she always gets her way, she always talks like a baby and she always gets to do as she pleases. My s/O takes it mostly seriously and honestly punished her well but some times she just seems to give up or not take it seriously. They are almost EVERYDAY. Over the smallest things instant whining and fit. And it’s becoming more violent. She wakes up in the middle of the night and makes my S/O come to her bed and I have to go get her after. Multiple times a night, and tonight she woke up came to our room, and my S/O didn’t wake up ( mind you she didn’t even say anything) she slammed the door and ran back to her room bawling, so I followed her to her room and tried to talk to her, she kicked me over and over and finally smacked me as hard as she could across the face. And anytime I bring up any sort of help for her, my s/o acts like I’m insane. Or that it’s completely normal when I can promise you this is extreme and is not normal. I just don’t know what to do now.
This kind of behavior is common in children who have been medically ill for long periods of time; they are used to having stress and uncomfortable situations addressed by someone coming to their aid nearly immediately. It's not necessarily their fault, it sounds like the daughter had a rocky start to childhood and during the early years her mother spent a lot of attention and time on her individually. Now that the daughter is better, moms priorities have switched since she doesn't need to care for her daughter. But unfortunately all her daughter knows is that when she's stressed, feels scared, or upset her only solution is to go to mom to make it better.
Your S/O needs to take the time to teach her daughter new boundaries, because chances are the poor girl doesn't know how to self sooth or compartmentalize her feelings into things she can solve herself versus what her mother can do to help her.
Personally this is something the mother should address right away as it's something that needs to be fixed now when her daughter can fully adjust with less hassle and get used to self soothing sooner rather than later. It's absolutely not your problem and honestly it sounds like mom has problems juggling a healthy relationship and ensuring her children are getting the proper healthy start in behavioral development.
Anytime you date someone with children you should always ask yourself "would I raise my own children this way?" If the answer is no, then that should tell you how far this relationship will go. Your S/O already has 2 children and if she's struggling to realize her daughters problems now, who knows what else she'll miss or not consider a problem in the future. You deserve just as much respect in your relationship as the daughter and if you can't receive that then it's time to find someone that will provide that.
OP: To me it sounds like the child resents you being there. Good advice from all the others. When I was raising my child and she was 7 or 8 when her father and I divorced, I vowed to raise her on my own and no outside men living in the house. Not a good situation. Adults surely can do a good job of messing up children. We bring them into this world and we need to take care of them #1.
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