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Old 06-27-2019, 11:46 AM
 
Location: Las Vegas, NV
352 posts, read 249,076 times
Reputation: 815

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I am not the parent of this boy, but I am his teacher and coach. J is a special kid, going into his sophomore year, he's already 6'5" (only 140 pounds soaking wet though!) and has a personality that draws you to him. He's got potential as an athlete due to his physical gifts, but his anger issues are very serious to the point where even he is fully aware that he cannot control it.

Example: He was sitting the bench for a Varsity baseball game this year, just for the experience of seeing what a Varsity game looks like, and his teammates literally had to physically restrain him because he was trying to physically fight the umpire for a questionable call.

In Summer School, he was kicked out of his math class yesterday for an outburst. Today before that class he told me "I don't want to go because I'm just going to get angry and they'll kick me out" and sure enough, I saw him in the hallway within five minutes of getting to that class.

Context: I have never met his mother because she does not seem involved. His father died during the baseball season, this is how I learned of it: I arrive to practice a few minutes late due to a meeting and I find J standing in the dugout looking a bit distraught. I ask him what's up, and he says "I'm angry" so I ask why and he says to me "I just got a phone call telling me my dad died". He never mentioned losing his father again during the season.

J has unlimited potential, but I can't even put him on the basketball court or baseball field because I know he cannot control his angry outbursts, and even then it's not a given because his anger also gets in the way of his ability to maintain passing grades despite being fully capable academically.

Any ideas on ways to approach such a volatile teenager? At this point, I am likely the closest to a father figure he has and I feel like I am the only thing potentially keeping him from going to prison in the next few years. He is a young black man from a rough neighborhood with a high rate of incarceration, and his anger is well known by everyone, so it's clearly the path he is on unless I can find a way to settle that part of him down. Take away the anger and you have this hilarious boy with a winning personality, who draws everyone near with his magnetic personality.
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Old 06-27-2019, 02:21 PM
 
4,025 posts, read 2,609,521 times
Reputation: 8715
I would talk to the school counselor and see if he/she could give you some tips. He may need professional help to deal with his anger. It's great that you are taking an interest in him and trying to help.
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Old 06-27-2019, 03:33 PM
 
Location: planet earth
4,817 posts, read 1,835,435 times
Reputation: 10704
The anger is caused by pain, and he needs a safe place to release it. CBT therapy would probably be helpful. If you can meet with his mother and brainstorm, maybe you could figure out a plan.

There is a psychological condition called "Explosive Personality disorder - there are books - check out the topic on Amazon.

He needs some self-awareness, and a way to process painful and uncomfortable feelings.

Focus on his strengths and let him know you are in his corner!
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Old 06-27-2019, 09:08 PM
 
4,126 posts, read 3,781,104 times
Reputation: 11323
Involve the school counselor/psychologist, if she's not already involved. Ask the mother to come in and tell her how much potential you see in him, ask how things are at home, try to find out if she is someone who can be brought around to helping him.
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Old 06-27-2019, 09:49 PM
 
Location: North Dakota
7,725 posts, read 9,024,418 times
Reputation: 11089
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rowan123 View Post
I would talk to the school counselor and see if he/she could give you some tips. He may need professional help to deal with his anger. It's great that you are taking an interest in him and trying to help.
Yes, talk to the counselor. He is lucky to have you as a teacher and coach.
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Old 06-28-2019, 04:13 AM
 
676 posts, read 586,549 times
Reputation: 1487
Hard to change genes. I have known a lot of people like this and they are not wired to control themselves. No matter what anyone does or how many counselors try they will always revert to their pattern of behavior. They can be fine one minute and the next will escalate a slight or something trivial 10 fold including physical violence.

Last edited by john620; 06-28-2019 at 04:29 AM..
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Old 06-28-2019, 05:26 AM
 
12,136 posts, read 9,878,373 times
Reputation: 15782
Quote:
Originally Posted by john620 View Post
Hard to change genes. I have known a lot of people like this and they are not wired to control themselves. No matter what anyone does or how many counselors try they will always revert to their pattern of behavior. They can be fine one minute and the next will escalate a slight or something trivial 10 fold including physical violence.
This is not true. Not in the slightest. Many people show up to therapy. But they don't DO therapy. Coach, I am so happy you are trying to help. It may not work. This kid has to grow up too soon. But someone being there can be the difference for a young person.
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Old 07-01-2019, 11:25 AM
 
3,965 posts, read 1,695,274 times
Reputation: 8079
Quote:
Originally Posted by john620 View Post
Hard to change genes. I have known a lot of people like this and they are not wired to control themselves. No matter what anyone does or how many counselors try they will always revert to their pattern of behavior. They can be fine one minute and the next will escalate a slight or something trivial 10 fold including physical violence.
Genes? This kidís father died earlier in the school year. Perhaps he was sick for some time and this poor boy was dealing with with a sick dad for a good portion of the time the OP has known him. That has nothing to do with ďgenesĒ but a lot to do with a really rough situation. It would be unreasonable to expect any child to just breeze through a parentís death, especially if it appears that the other parent is uninvolved and hasnít gotten the child into therapy or treatment to deal with his grief.
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Old 07-01-2019, 01:15 PM
 
53 posts, read 15,191 times
Reputation: 140
Quote:
Originally Posted by HedgeYourInvestments View Post
I am not the parent of this boy, but I am his teacher and coach. J is a special kid, going into his sophomore year, he's already 6'5" (only 140 pounds soaking wet though!) and has a personality that draws you to him. He's got potential as an athlete due to his physical gifts, but his anger issues are very serious to the point where even he is fully aware that he cannot control it.

Example: He was sitting the bench for a Varsity baseball game this year, just for the experience of seeing what a Varsity game looks like, and his teammates literally had to physically restrain him because he was trying to physically fight the umpire for a questionable call.

In Summer School, he was kicked out of his math class yesterday for an outburst. Today before that class he told me "I don't want to go because I'm just going to get angry and they'll kick me out" and sure enough, I saw him in the hallway within five minutes of getting to that class.

Context: I have never met his mother because she does not seem involved. His father died during the baseball season, this is how I learned of it: I arrive to practice a few minutes late due to a meeting and I find J standing in the dugout looking a bit distraught. I ask him what's up, and he says "I'm angry" so I ask why and he says to me "I just got a phone call telling me my dad died". He never mentioned losing his father again during the season.

J has unlimited potential, but I can't even put him on the basketball court or baseball field because I know he cannot control his angry outbursts, and even then it's not a given because his anger also gets in the way of his ability to maintain passing grades despite being fully capable academically.

Any ideas on ways to approach such a volatile teenager? At this point, I am likely the closest to a father figure he has and I feel like I am the only thing potentially keeping him from going to prison in the next few years. He is a young black man from a rough neighborhood with a high rate of incarceration, and his anger is well known by everyone, so it's clearly the path he is on unless I can find a way to settle that part of him down. Take away the anger and you have this hilarious boy with a winning personality, who draws everyone near with his magnetic personality.
If you are a teacher and coach, you should know the steps and resources for seeking help for this student without having to ask for advice on what to do on a city data forum. You should be taking it through the correct channels. I can't imagine if a teacher or coach did this from one of my kids' schools.
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Old 07-05-2019, 01:10 PM
 
Location: Dark Side of the Moon
153 posts, read 31,999 times
Reputation: 420
Terrible situation, but he sounds like a ticking time bomb.

First, his behavior must be documented in the school's file, for his safety and likely for someone else's--and for your liability if a parent later sues over an incident for which he is responsible. This documentation may be the responsibility of the counselor, but what I've seen with most high school counselors is more course placement, no counseling of psych issues, so make it known to the principal, teachers, nurse, counselor, whoever, but document, also that you spoke with all of them, and place that in your school files with dates. Trust me; I've seen good teachers lose everything due to lack of documentation.

Next, get in touch with the mother, if your principal thinks that's appropriate. Mom may seem uninvolved, but you don't know what's happened between them. Perhaps he's hurt her, or she could be dealing with the death of his father in a different way.

Now, find anger management groups, possibly via his mom's insurance. Many churches also act as facilities for counseling groups that often do not charge but take donations.

Finally, go back and send your documentation via email to your principal, his teachers, nurse, etc., so you have a paper trail.
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