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Old 07-06-2019, 01:58 PM
 
3,610 posts, read 3,169,453 times
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Personally, I would consider the child's parents neglectful. Nothing ever changes unless you make it change. If your parents won't make brother take responsibility, it won't happen.

I like little kids. I hate to see them neglected. I think if I were in your shoes, I would step in and be a loving role model. Talk to him, play with him, pull him away from the tv and have some adventures. Let him run errands with you and be your big helper. He needs you and I think if you get involved, you will probably enjoy having him around.
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Old 07-06-2019, 05:32 PM
 
4,750 posts, read 4,032,774 times
Reputation: 9952
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sarahsez View Post
Personally, I would consider the child's parents neglectful. Nothing ever changes unless you make it change. If your parents won't make brother take responsibility, it won't happen.

I like little kids. I hate to see them neglected. I think if I were in your shoes, I would step in and be a loving role model. Talk to him, play with him, pull him away from the tv and have some adventures. Let him run errands with you and be your big helper. He needs you and I think if you get involved, you will probably enjoy having him around.
This!
This toddler is your nephew. Step up and help make sure he knows he's wanted.
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Old 07-10-2019, 03:12 PM
 
2 posts, read 696 times
Reputation: 15
Thank you very much for your replies. Very different points of view. That's nice.

I gotta make a little disclaimer here, I'm from México, so, I'm sorry for my broken English.

Ok about the kindergarten situation. He goes to a day care center and he is just about entering kindergarten. My father has taken that responsibility every morning for the last two years, because that's what they all agree with.

My brother and his wife work in the mornings and come back around 3/4pm, they can totally take care of their child for the rest of the day, but they rather go home and rest, leaving their kid here, because he wants to watch TV and play with the cellphone. They don't have cable tv nor internet, so their kid gets bored, my brother doesn't want to spend extra money on those services and they clearly don't know how to deal with that, so it's easier to bring him and leave.

I think it's ok one day or two, but not everyday. Also weekends would be a more appropriate time for him to spend the day here with my parents. There have been occasions when I've seen my Mother falling asleep on the couch, when I come back from work. She is trying to stay awake because my nephew is here while my brother is in his house, presumably, watching tv or sleeping, he tends to take naps after work, I know that for sure. That bothers me a lot.

I spoke to my brother a year ago and told him that it's ok if he want to leave my nephew here to watch tv but that he should definitely come and pick him up. I don't like seeing my Father go out at night and walk all the way to his house, sometimes raining, while him and his wife are on bed. For me that's unacceptable.

That's how I see things, maybe I'm wrong, I don't know, that's why I created this post. Thank you.




PS: I pay all the bills, repairs, maintenance, etc. My parents and grandparents want me to legally own this house.
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Old 07-10-2019, 04:13 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
17,056 posts, read 17,369,523 times
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Does your brother and SIL realize that a three old child does not need cable TV and the internet? Playing with toys, listening to songs and stories, looking at books, are great learning experiences for preschoolers.

I know that I would be pretty upset if my older/elderly father was walking in the rain to take his grandchild home while the parents were just lounging around relaxing at their house. It is really up to your parents to set boundaries. Your father needs to tell his son and DIL, one of you need to pick up you child before XX o'clock. I will not walk him home. However, I wonder if your father realizes that they may never pick up their child and just let him stay overnight with your parents watching him or actually move in with his grandparents.

If your mom is so tired that she falls asleep when she is supposed to be watching her grandchild is that even safe? I agree that the child's parents need to do more.

I know a young couple who have his elderly parents/her in-laws babysit far too often and it is causing health problems for the grandparents (BTW, it is far, far less often than your nephew is at your house). The siblings definitely talked to the young couple saying that it was unfair to their parents. The couple has cut down on dropping their child off at the grandparents house.
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Old 07-10-2019, 05:21 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
78,781 posts, read 70,607,687 times
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Was your brother raised as a spoiled child? Was he the favored one, while you were the responsible one? That's what it looks like at this point in time. Your parents seem helpless to stand up to your brother, even as they fail at their baby-sitting, due to fatigue, sleepiness, whatever.

Quote:
Originally Posted by germaine2626;
Does your brother and SIL realize that a three old child does not need cable TV and the internet? Playing with toys, listening to songs and stories, looking at books, are great learning experiences for preschoolers.
This is bringing back memories. I was into little bright-colored kiddie records, like Disney themes and such, when I was pre-school/kindergarten age. And picture books. Walking to the park with one of the adults, and playing in the sandbox, lol. Collecting interesting rocks at the park. It doesn't take much to entertain a 3-yr-old. Why has no one bought this child some age-appropriate learning toys? Does anyone read to him?

This is sad, very sad. This child isn't bonding with his parents. That will be a problem as he gets older, and it won't be pretty. Right now, his parents don't seem to have much, if any, authority in his life. This doesn't bode well for the future, and his parents don't care. They're oblivious.
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Old 07-10-2019, 06:19 PM
 
147 posts, read 26,756 times
Reputation: 123
It sounds like the kid is taken care of and not in harms way but overall it just seems sad. I am working mother myself, my kids are 3 and 5, I know it gets tiring and kids at these age need constant attention but these years will be over soon. Not sure why this isn’t occurring to the boys parents, sounds like they just don’t care. I sometimes feel lazy and that I need to engage more but at least I can say I’m not leaving my kids with someone else when I could be spending time with them. It just seems like these parents don’t want to spend time with their kid. They chose to have him. They should be with him.
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Old Today, 05:16 PM
 
38,228 posts, read 14,933,179 times
Reputation: 24636
Quote:
Originally Posted by michaelq16 View Post
Thank you very much for your replies. Very different points of view. That's nice.

I gotta make a little disclaimer here, I'm from México, so, I'm sorry for my broken English.

Ok about the kindergarten situation. He goes to a day care center and he is just about entering kindergarten. My father has taken that responsibility every morning for the last two years, because that's what they all agree with.

My brother and his wife work in the mornings and come back around 3/4pm, they can totally take care of their child for the rest of the day, but they rather go home and rest, leaving their kid here, because he wants to watch TV and play with the cellphone. They don't have cable tv nor internet, so their kid gets bored, my brother doesn't want to spend extra money on those services and they clearly don't know how to deal with that, so it's easier to bring him and leave.

I think it's ok one day or two, but not everyday. Also weekends would be a more appropriate time for him to spend the day here with my parents. There have been occasions when I've seen my Mother falling asleep on the couch, when I come back from work. She is trying to stay awake because my nephew is here while my brother is in his house, presumably, watching tv or sleeping, he tends to take naps after work, I know that for sure. That bothers me a lot.

I spoke to my brother a year ago and told him that it's ok if he want to leave my nephew here to watch tv but that he should definitely come and pick him up. I don't like seeing my Father go out at night and walk all the way to his house, sometimes raining, while him and his wife are on bed. For me that's unacceptable.

That's how I see things, maybe I'm wrong, I don't know, that's why I created this post. Thank you.




PS: I pay all the bills, repairs, maintenance, etc. My parents and grandparents want me to legally own this house.
So you pay all the bills, but do not own the house?

While I think it is admirable for you to care for your parents, caring for your brother's children as well seems a stretch.

A better solution would be for your brother and his wife to move back in and for you to move out.

That way your Dad and nephew wouldn't be out at night, in the rain. If your Mom falls asleep on the sofa, his parents are there as backup.

Not to mention that you could get on with your life. Perhaps find someone who wants to build a family and life with you.

Good luck!
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Old Today, 06:11 PM
 
8 posts, read 1,539 times
Reputation: 17
Whose problem is this, yours? your parents? your brother's?

It seems like everyone else is fine with the situation but you.

It also seems like you have a lot of responsibility but very little power to control what happens in your own home.

While I agree that the child is not being treated responsibly by his parents I really don't see what you can do if your parents and your brother are willing and wanting to carry on as usual.

You certainly can't throw your parents out and banning your brother and his wife would never even happen as your parents would simply let them in. Not to mention the fights and hard feelings it would cause.

Also if you leave who will support your parents?

Maybe you could just step back a little, detach.
And just accept that this is your family dynamic and it must be accepted if relationships are to last.

They probably all know you're unhappy with it but it works for all of them so you're the odd man out.

Just keep in mind that it's not the child's fault, he's powerless in this situation so try not to be mad at him.

Good luck
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