U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
 
 
Old 07-04-2019, 02:15 PM
 
2 posts, read 696 times
Reputation: 15

Advertisements

Hi everyone.


I have a little problem with my nephew. He is almost 4 years old, my brother (40 years old) and his (second) wife (24 years old), developed this habit of leaving their child in my house every day after kindergarten. They come to my house, eat something and they leave, just like that, without their son, and with no intention to return, they just go.

This behavior is heavily supported by my parents, actually they started it. My brother lives a couple of streets away from here, so my Parents always say: "Oh don't worry let him stay, I'll take him to your place later". So my nephew spends a lot of time watching TV, watching Youtube, and playing with my Mother's cellphone rather than spending time with his parents.

My brother and his wife are lazy too, they don't even try, they passively accept it, and this situation has got to a point where the kid has expressed rejection, saying things like; "I don't want to be in this house, I want to go with my Grandpa". And they don't seem to take any issue with this, they keep bringing him home and leaving, lately they don't even come anymore, they just call my father on the phone and say that the kid wants to go with him, so my Father has to go pick him up and take him back later at night.

My parents don't see any issue either, they think my nephew doesn't want to be with his parents because they don't know how to deal with him, they don't know how to educate him. So they try to always bring him home so he can be comfortable watching TV.

When my brother left this house I decided to assume all the expenses to support my parents, they are retired. But I think at this rate I will be supporting a child too.

Do you have any advice on how to deal with this, should I speak to my parents or with my brother who will probably take it as an offense, he always does. I've expressed my total disagreement during the past 2 years but they won't listen. I want to try once more, if it fails I will have to leave this house, I can support myself.

Thanks!.
Quick reply to this message

 
Old 07-04-2019, 02:26 PM
 
Location: Southern California
23,785 posts, read 8,278,461 times
Reputation: 15501
Speak to your brother, the child's father. Don't worry about the offense or it will continue forever.
I think it's a plus to have extended family for the children but then there are limits too. Some children have no extended family.
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-04-2019, 02:28 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
78,781 posts, read 70,607,687 times
Reputation: 76750
Why have the child's parents abandoned him? And why are the grandparents enabling the abandonment, making excuses? How can a 40-year-old parent "not know how to educate" a 3-4 year-old?

It sounds like the child's parents would prefer to be childless, to enjoy a more free-wheeling lifestyle. Someone needs to draw a line, here (via speaking directly with the dad), but you'd need your parents' support in that, and it sounds like you won't get it.

TV and youtube are no way to "educate" a preschooler.

There's a lot about this scenario that's very concerning. And btw, doesn't your brother work? Why has he available daily in the afternoon, to drop the kid off? Does he work from home?
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-04-2019, 02:36 PM
 
Location: Middle of the ocean
31,684 posts, read 19,984,454 times
Reputation: 45745
Who's house do you and your parents live in?

Your parents are free to watch the kid as often as they want to, and it sounds like they want to. I know lots of grandparents like this.

What bills do you pay?
__________________
____________________________________________
My posts as a Mod will always be in red.
Be sure to review Terms of Service: TOS
And check this out: FAQ
Moderator: Relationships Forum / Hawaii Forum / Dogs
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-04-2019, 03:08 PM
 
10,206 posts, read 4,069,481 times
Reputation: 25827
I'll wait until you return and make a second post before composing a thoughtful answer.
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-04-2019, 07:07 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
17,056 posts, read 17,369,523 times
Reputation: 41499
Quote:
Originally Posted by ClaraC View Post
I'll wait until you return and make a second post before composing a thoughtful answer.
Me, too.
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-04-2019, 09:42 PM
 
Location: planet earth
4,827 posts, read 1,845,165 times
Reputation: 10742
I have read that in some native cultures, the grandparents raise the children because the parents are considered too immature (and it is just a fact, not viewed as a deficiency).

There are other practical reasons, as well - the parents are busy and the grandparents have time on their hands.
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-04-2019, 10:19 PM
 
Location: Southern California
23,785 posts, read 8,278,461 times
Reputation: 15501
Quote:
Originally Posted by nobodysbusiness View Post
I have read that in some native cultures, the grandparents raise the children because the parents are considered too immature (and it is just a fact, not viewed as a deficiency).

There are other practical reasons, as well - the parents are busy and the grandparents have time on their hands.
My sister's child spent a lot of time at my parents house and my daughter didn't get that opportunity as we lived a long distance away, I believe my daughter missed a lot.
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-04-2019, 11:33 PM
 
11,269 posts, read 8,436,427 times
Reputation: 20467
Quote:
Originally Posted by ClaraC View Post
I'll wait until you return and make a second post before composing a thoughtful answer.
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-05-2019, 05:17 AM
 
Location: interior Alaska
4,489 posts, read 3,320,728 times
Reputation: 13806
Sounds like this is between your parents and your brother. But in the meantime, why not get the kid some books or creative toys or art supplies or something so he has something to do other than stare at a screen?
Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


 

Quick Reply
Message:
Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top