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Old 07-07-2019, 05:14 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KimNChicago View Post
Who's in school in July, especially July 5th?
Summer school baby!
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Old Today, 01:03 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by turkeydance View Post
Some children have year-round school in our district.
Anyway, the following is your quote:
"What would you advise him to take action that they stop teasing him?"
Reword your question to comply with common English syntax.

Sorry if this sentence is opaque. I wanted to know if you have some advice how to cope with a situation if your son had a brawl with a schoolmate that was broken up by a teacher and your son gets teased now for getting more wounds that his opponent and is called a loser.


I hope this question complies with common English syntax now.
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Old Today, 01:37 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Pughnose View Post
As a person who was a weak, scared kid, I can say that while getting the school involved is fine and may be necessary, the kid needs to learn the mental and physical skills to cope. I can also say that when teasers or bullies get a kid wound up, that's positive reinforcement for them to keep targeting the individual, and bullies are everywhere, so separating him from this particular situation is not enough. Finally, while you do and should want to help, the kid ABSOLUTELY needs to learn to cope without your help and to have the confidence that he can, this is vital for his happiness and success going forward. (See proverb about giving fish vs teaching fishing.)

I would advise martial arts training, something that emphasized both actual contact fighting for adequately trained students, and also the mental/spiritual aspects. Maybe go with him to visit and watch a class at several different schools and let him choose? E.g. Jiu Jitsu, Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, an Aikido school which doesn't completely de-emphasize combat.

Please remember that if he is rescued from bullies, he will carry that memory throughout his life. When he gets to the point where he can face down a bully, hopefully without violence but with the confidence that he can hold his own if necessary, that will be part of his framework for facing future challenges and fears. Which do you want for you son?

Thanks for your comment. I'd like to make him more confident but he isn't a guy who is extremely extroverted and so he doesn't radiate self-confidence apparently. He has a few close friends in his grade and one of them got insulted by the "class leader" among the class. So my son stood in his way saying "Leave him in peace" and the guy taller by a head replied "Or you'll do what?" and shoved him away. That's why a fight occured.


Certainly it'd have been better for him to ignore the provocations precisely because the other guy is outmuscled but he cannot endure humiliation, maybe that's what he has to learn, how to rise about it.


To learn self-defence as you recommended could be one way to reach it but I'm not sure if he is the type of guy for it. I will talk to him about this opportunity.
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Old Today, 01:56 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ocnjgirl View Post
OP to me the problem bigger than fights is they are separating your son as a social outcast. I would try to examine how he is doing socially, is he behind his peers maturity wise, is he very shy or have poor social or self confidence? Does he have a decent amount of friends that are close to him? I had a hard time socially in school, was insecure and needy and really just a little weird, and the kids smelled weakness in me because I projected no confidence at all. When I was about 15, I was accepted by a group, but it was the pot smokers/slackers, but they accepted me so they became my friends. Just saying don’t wait to see if he grows out of low confidence if that’s an issue. Is he seeing a guidance counselor at school? At the school I worked in they had a “friendship group” run by guidance that worked on social skills and gave them a safe place to practice them. Is he in any groups outside school like a sport or scouts?

While I disagree with the “toughen him up” approach of that poster, learning and becoming good at a sport or martial art will boost his confidence in all areas.

Thanks for your friendly words. As I already wrote to another post he has got a few friends which are behind him in his grade. But all of this guys aren't the one that are the most self-confident students in their grade. They aren't victims or get bullied daily but not even the most popular guys of all.



There is a mentor for counselling at his school but I think he wouldn't ask for his advice for fear of the possibility that schoolfellows notice it and he will be socially outcast.


Outside school he's played tennis in a club for three years and I think that is his best balance between stress at school and leisure time.
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