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Old 08-08-2019, 03:59 PM
 
Location: planet earth
5,284 posts, read 2,014,819 times
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It does sound like a sexual fetish of some kind. Since she is almost an adult, I don't know if I would want to enable that by paying for the diapers. What would happen if you did not pay for the diapers? Would she stop wetting or would she get a job to keep herself in diapers?

If this bothers you maybe have a couple of joint therapy sessions so you can figure this out together.

 
Old 08-08-2019, 05:04 PM
 
4,069 posts, read 1,613,915 times
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from experience:
1. my nephew slept with his baby blanket until college. it was nothing but a tiny, thin square by then, but he had to have it.
2. bed-wetting comes and goes. i did it off/on until about 7. then, at 12, i started again. finally, by 14, it was over.
3. you win the internet Mom first-place prize of the week.
 
Old 08-08-2019, 07:20 PM
 
528 posts, read 351,577 times
Reputation: 470
have her use a chamber pot at night
 
Old 08-09-2019, 02:15 AM
 
795 posts, read 565,493 times
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Does she have a gynecologist?
 
Old 08-09-2019, 05:39 AM
 
Location: Canada
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You have definitely done the right thing by supporting her. Like the others say, you are a great mom.

I think you should just let her continue on as things are and in all likeliness, once she is in college or with a boyfriend for the night, she will stop wearing them on her own.

I think it's just a security thing and a habit, and that she will eliminate this need to wear them on her own. If not, once she's old enough to be disgusted or ashamed of this on her own, she will seek help with a doctor.

I totally disagree with anyone who thinks this is a sexual fetish and a gynecologist isn't going to be able do a thing for her... I don't think it's even a bladder/urinary issue, but more a comfortable habit than anything.
 
Old 08-09-2019, 07:08 AM
 
Location: Minnesota
2,123 posts, read 906,268 times
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Since she had the bed wetting problem when she was older and was ashamed of it and got used to using the night time diapers it is probably got to be a comfort that it kept her bed dry. Then it turned into more of a assurance that her bed wouldn't be wet even after there was no longer a problem. Then just turned into a thing she didn't have to worry about and more of a comfort to not worry. Like some who need/want a highlight even into adulthood. Hopefully she becomes more shelf assured and it will pass. I would imagine just the thought of waking up finding your bed wet when sleeping over at a friend's is enough to bother her even if she has outgrown it, so gives comfort it won't happen.
 
Old 08-09-2019, 07:38 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KaylaS80 View Post
First, sorry for the long story but Iím second guessing myself with how I handled an issue with my 16 year old daughter.

She unfortunately inherited one of my less desirable genes, in that she was a bed wetter until 13. From when she was 6, we tried the moisture alarm, medications, drinking less, going before bed, scheduling etc. None of it worked and by about 8, we had decided she would continue to wear protection to bed. She wore youth size diapers to manage up until her first year in high school, three years ago, when it abruptly stopped. Sheís been okay since.

A few months ago, I went to her room in the morning to wake her up as she had been out with her friends late the night before and I didnít hear her come home. I always knock of course, just in case, but she didnít respond so I entered. She was there sleeping, and decent thankfully, but her covers were off to the side. Her panties looked pretty different, and my heart sank a little bit as I got closer and realized she was wearing a diaper, and it was visible that she hadnít made it through the night.

I felt terrible for her, being 16 and still having these issues and whatís worse is she didnít tell me. I didnít know how she got the diapers, and she obviously was using her own money and worrying about hiding them from me or her siblings. I gave it the day and approached her about it that night. She was very embarrassed, but it really was nothing new so I reassured her and told her it was fine. If thatís what she needed we will deal with it, and Iíd get her what she needed and weíd figure it out. A week went by and I made an appointment with our family doctor. When I told her that, I wasnít ready for her response.

She began crying and told me there was nothing wrong with her, and that she had lied to me. She told me she stopped wetting her bed before her 12th birthday, but was scared I would stop getting her diapers when I found out, so she would pee in them in the morning after she woke up instead of going in the toilet. She was of course changing herself at the time, so I was none the wiser, only taking out the garbage. She kept that up for over a year until she stopped because she said she was afraid her new friend group would find out.

I asked her what it all meant now. Why she wore them, if she always used them. She was beet red and didnít really have an answer, so I laid off the pressure. She just kept saying she doesnít know, and she just wanted to wear them. She said she felt stupid and she was sorry. Sheís a darling, and I support her as much as I can, so I just told her it was perfectly fine, I thanked her for being honest with me, cancelled the doctors apt, and told her that I would help in whatever way she wanted. She knows Iím not judgmental and will support her, and that she can approach me with anything. She finally opened up to me a bit, and told me she just liked the way they felt.

We came to a deal. She keeps a small supply in one of her drawers, just like underwear. When it gets low, I get her a pack and top it up. She uses her allowance to pay for them, and she gets rid of them herself. The problem is, sure enough, one of her friends did find out. Luckily, theyíve been friends since elementary school and I donít think there will be any issue. However, I feel like something might happen in the future which could affect her socially, and I blame myself for allowing it.

I donít get it. Sheís very fit and plays competitive soccer, sheís attractive, has lots of friends, is social, gets good grades, all that. Am I being too nice? Should I step in and stop it? I feel if I do, I will just lose her trust and she will find a way to do it anyways.

Sorry for the long story, and thank you for any help.

Kayla.
It sounds to me like your daughter really wants some privacy on the issue, which is normal for teenagers. At this point your best course of action is to be available when she wants to talk or go to the doctor, but not to make her feel like you are "intruding" into her privacy. If she thinks you are not respecting her privacy, she is going to lie more and more to try to hold onto her remaining privacy. Is this really the kind of relationship you want? Do you want her to feel like she can come to you for advice when she goes off to college, or do you want her to feel like she has to make up whatever story she can just to be left alone?
 
Old 08-09-2019, 09:45 AM
 
1,095 posts, read 288,055 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ncole1 View Post
It sounds to me like your daughter really wants some privacy on the issue, which is normal for teenagers. At this point your best course of action is to be available when she wants to talk or go to the doctor, but not to make her feel like you are "intruding" into her privacy. If she thinks you are not respecting her privacy, she is going to lie more and more to try to hold onto her remaining privacy. Is this really the kind of relationship you want? Do you want her to feel like she can come to you for advice when she goes off to college, or do you want her to feel like she has to make up whatever story she can just to be left alone?
This is a really good point.
 
Old 08-10-2019, 12:19 PM
 
32 posts, read 7,123 times
Reputation: 79
At this point I suggest just dropping it.

You've talked about it, she was embarrassed, she knows how you feel.

Ball's in her court to deal with it as she will. If there are social consequences she'll have to respond to them as anyone would.
 
Old 08-11-2019, 10:23 AM
 
181 posts, read 57,938 times
Reputation: 588
Tough issue to have to deal with as a parent, but NO this is not an issue to ignore and let the chips fall where they may.

There is a reason your daughter is struggling with staying dry through the night and those reasons generally fall into two categories......medical or psychological. Both require attention and help from trained providers to get to the root of the problem.

People who suffer from incontinence due to a medical condition, physical injury...etc. would never wish the problem of having to wear diapers on anyone. A person CAN BECOME functionally incontinent over a period of time due to being dependant on wearing absorbent products and I don't think you want your daughter to fall into that category. Those folks then have to go through the process of re-training their brain so they respond to the signals the body sends to the brain so they can go to the bathroom appropriately.

As a parent I would not quietly sit by and hope this issue resolves itself on its own.

Last edited by CentralUSHomeowner; 08-11-2019 at 10:36 AM..
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