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Old 08-11-2019, 12:03 PM
793 posts, read 565,493 times
Reputation: 943


Originally Posted by CentralUSHomeowner View Post
Tough issue to have to deal with as a parent, but NO this is not an issue to ignore and let the chips fall where they may.

There is a reason your daughter is struggling with staying dry through the night and those reasons generally fall into two categories......medical or psychological. Both require attention and help from trained providers to get to the root of the problem.

People who suffer from incontinence due to a medical condition, physical injury...etc. would never wish the problem of having to wear diapers on anyone. A person CAN BECOME functionally incontinent over a period of time due to being dependant on wearing absorbent products and I don't think you want your daughter to fall into that category. Those folks then have to go through the process of re-training their brain so they respond to the signals the body sends to the brain so they can go to the bathroom appropriately.

As a parent I would not quietly sit by and hope this issue resolves itself on its own.
It is unclear from your op if she still urinates in the diaper in the morning if she wakes up dry? If so, this would worry me and indicate a physiological issue. Does she often unknowingly urinate while she’s sleeping? That would point to a a physical or medical issue. You are her mother, it is your job to help her with her struggles.
I know it’s embarrassing but if she can’t discuss it with her mother, who else best to discuss it with. I suggested her gynecologist because that’s a safe and common place to discuss intimate and sexual concerns with an expert. The gyno would be the best to do an exam and make a follow up recommendation. If she has not had her first visit, she needs to go. If she refuses to see a gyno at 16 that’s further indication of a problem.
Do not let this go because you or she is embarrassed. This could future affect life choices. Things like rooming in a dorm at college with common bathrooms and roommates, being sexually active, keeping secrets from intimate partners, choosing not to take vacations or overnight trips, avoiding discussing and not taking care of medical issues. Feeling ashamed is no way to go through life.

Last edited by foodyum; 08-11-2019 at 12:16 PM..

Old 08-13-2019, 08:38 AM
31 posts, read 7,123 times
Reputation: 79
I'm would urge extreme caution about making too much of this, bringing in doctors and therapists and the like.

At some point we as parents can only do so much for our children. Your daughter is on the cusp of adulthood. At her age my great-grandmother was married and expecting her first child.

She's 16 not 6, if she comes to you for guidance or just to talk, by all means support her.

But this is something you can't" do" for her. She must sort this out for herself.

And as a human being deserves the dignity and respect of privacy while she does.
Old 08-14-2019, 04:00 PM
4,171 posts, read 3,859,152 times
Reputation: 11486
I think I would leave it alone. I have reason in my professional life to have heard of everything, and this, I have NEVER heard of. I think that it is possible that she is still wetting in her sleep, and ashamed to admit it, but admitting that she finds comfort in using a diaper to pee in when she wakes up in the morning is even more embarrassing, so I suspect she has told you the truth. In any event, I would suggest that you just stay out of it. She is 16. I suggest that she get a part time after school job, and shop and pay for the diapers herself, and that you just stay completely out of it. I would find it difficult to understand that a young woman would prefer to spend her discretionary money on diapers rather than all the usual things, but so be it.

And yes, you DO sound like the best mother possible.
Old 08-15-2019, 09:59 AM
5,489 posts, read 6,751,732 times
Reputation: 8826
I'm inclined to believe it is a medical problem. Have you ever talked to her doctor about this? Anatomical or structural abnormalities are a common cause of bedwetting at later ages.
Old 08-15-2019, 12:27 PM
Location: Minnesota
2,123 posts, read 906,268 times
Reputation: 3748
Bringing her to a medical doctor may not be a bad idea. My younger sister had a leaky bladder, not a bed wetting problem. When she was in second grade she had some sort of surgery to correct it. Doctor said she would have had a lifetime problem if it was not corrected. She may feel more comfortable talking to doctor by herself.
Old 08-15-2019, 01:23 PM
10 posts, read 1,496 times
Reputation: 49
Originally Posted by KaylaS80 View Post
First, sorry for the long story but Iím second guessing myself with how I handled an issue with my 16 year old daughter.

She unfortunately inherited one of my less desirable genes, in that she was a bed wetter until 13. From when she was 6, we tried the moisture alarm, medications, drinking less, going before bed, scheduling etc. None of it worked and by about 8, we had decided she would continue to wear protection to bed. She wore youth size diapers to manage up until her first year in high school, three years ago, when it abruptly stopped. Sheís been okay since.

A few months ago, I went to her room in the morning to wake her up as she had been out with her friends late the night before and I didnít hear her come home. I always knock of course, just in case, but she didnít respond so I entered. She was there sleeping, and decent thankfully, but her covers were off to the side. Her panties looked pretty different, and my heart sank a little bit as I got closer and realized she was wearing a diaper, and it was visible that she hadnít made it through the night.

I felt terrible for her, being 16 and still having these issues and whatís worse is she didnít tell me. I didnít know how she got the diapers, and she obviously was using her own money and worrying about hiding them from me or her siblings. I gave it the day and approached her about it that night. She was very embarrassed, but it really was nothing new so I reassured her and told her it was fine. If thatís what she needed we will deal with it, and Iíd get her what she needed and weíd figure it out. A week went by and I made an appointment with our family doctor. When I told her that, I wasnít ready for her response.

She began crying and told me there was nothing wrong with her, and that she had lied to me. She told me she stopped wetting her bed before her 12th birthday, but was scared I would stop getting her diapers when I found out, so she would pee in them in the morning after she woke up instead of going in the toilet. She was of course changing herself at the time, so I was none the wiser, only taking out the garbage. She kept that up for over a year until she stopped because she said she was afraid her new friend group would find out.

I asked her what it all meant now. Why she wore them, if she always used them. She was beet red and didnít really have an answer, so I laid off the pressure. She just kept saying she doesnít know, and she just wanted to wear them. She said she felt stupid and she was sorry. Sheís a darling, and I support her as much as I can, so I just told her it was perfectly fine, I thanked her for being honest with me, cancelled the doctors apt, and told her that I would help in whatever way she wanted. She knows Iím not judgmental and will support her, and that she can approach me with anything. She finally opened up to me a bit, and told me she just liked the way they felt.

We came to a deal. She keeps a small supply in one of her drawers, just like underwear. When it gets low, I get her a pack and top it up. She uses her allowance to pay for them, and she gets rid of them herself. The problem is, sure enough, one of her friends did find out. Luckily, theyíve been friends since elementary school and I donít think there will be any issue. However, I feel like something might happen in the future which could affect her socially, and I blame myself for allowing it.

I donít get it. Sheís very fit and plays competitive soccer, sheís attractive, has lots of friends, is social, gets good grades, all that. Am I being too nice? Should I step in and stop it? I feel if I do, I will just lose her trust and she will find a way to do it anyways.

Sorry for the long story, and thank you for any help.


You're an awesome mom! I think you handled it wonderfully. Like other poster/s have mentioned maybe consider speaking with a therapist. You can go alone or you guys can go together if both of you are comfortable with doing so.
Old 08-21-2019, 07:59 PM
38 posts, read 10,176 times
Reputation: 125
Does she tend toward anxiety? Could she still be afraid that she will wet the bed (and be even more embarrassed by that) if she doesn't wear the diaper?
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