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Old 09-04-2019, 09:12 AM
 
9,813 posts, read 13,678,856 times
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When I lived with parents, I would sometimes blowdry my hair in my room and would leave the blowdryer on the floor after using it … but would unplug it. My dad would get angry b/c he thought the rug would set on fire & burn down the house.
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Old 09-04-2019, 01:30 PM
 
Location: Colorado
12,448 posts, read 7,585,762 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MarshaBrady1968 View Post
No, I mean the KIDS.
When I was 3 or 4, I got a spanking and the buckle accidentally hit me as I moved, I had a bruise. I called 18004achild, per the TV commercials, and they investigated. It was 1971.
I don't remember ever seeing any such commercials.

And it never really occurred to me that there was anything I could do besides cope with whatever adults said and did, and try to avoid, or hide from it. And despite how they behaved, I did generally love my parents. Especially my Mom. If anyone had suggested that I be taken to live with strangers, it would have crushed me. I would definitely have chosen to stay with them, no matter how erratic, unpredictable, drunk (in my Dad's case) or violent they were. The alternative...the unknown...would have been unthinkable.

But also, again, I just sort of accepted that adults could do whatever they wanted. I also had several daycare and in-home babysitter experiences growing up, and I could tell stories about every single one doing things I would not want done to my children.

One actual Minnieland daycare center in Virginia, put me in the dark in a wooden box as punishment because during naptime, the seam of my sock was between my toes and I sat up to fix it. Dragged me right out of the room by one arm, into another room, and shut in a box in complete darkness. It was pretty frightening. I think I was about 5 or 6 then.

Another would come up with work for us to do, if you know anything about trees that grow wild in northern VA, you know how prolific the oaks are. She told us she hated squirrels (I loved squirrels, as I loved all animals) and she didn't want to feed them, so she made us all go out into her humongous back yard and she wanted every single acorn collected and bagged up. She also, when my Mom was 10 minutes late to pick me up one day (it was Mom's birthday and she was late because her office gave her a cake shortly before time to leave) took me to a street corner several blocks from her house, on the way into her neighborhood, and left me standing alone there after dark in the rain. I was sobbing because it was my Mom's birthday and I had no idea where I was or if my Mom could find me when she came to pick me up, since I wasn't where she knew to go.

Other in-home sitters, once I was 8-9 years old, made me care for the younger kids. Including changing diapers, for the littlest ones. Several of them hit me when angry. One liked to torment my little brother, sticking him head first into a bucket with his feet sticking out, for crying.

Adults taught me to expect to be punished for inconveniencing them or even getting their attention in the wrong moment. It never occurred to me that I had any rights...to be treated any other way than whatever any adult in my life wanted to do.

But what is wild, are some of the skills that you can pick up from bad childhood experiences, can actually be useful. I'm very situationally aware, and have an extremely keen ability to read nonverbal cues and tones. I can often tell when other people are lying or how they are feeling, not out of any mystical empath woo, but just because I learned to pay close attention to the adults around me, it's a survival skill. I'm also highly avoidant and even intolerant of anger, conflict, violence, and drama. It has taken me a while to get my life the way I want it and work on boundary-keeping skills, but I live a pretty peaceful life now. And I know how to keep it that way.
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Old 09-04-2019, 02:14 PM
 
Location: A safe distance from San Francisco
8,859 posts, read 6,282,525 times
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This topic is too upsetting to me to answer in any great detail. I was physically abused by a father who was, quite simply, a savage. In temperament and (lack of) intelligence. My mother, though not as cruel by nature, enabled him. Sometimes prompted him.

People have wondered and asked, quite understandably, why we didn't go to authorities and report it. This was mostly in the 50s in my case and it just wasn't done. Society looked the other way from abuse and lots of kids were beaten with belts. I look back in disbelief myself, but that's the way it was. Tragically cruel times in that respect. If I wasn't being beaten, I was being threatened with same. The best part of my childhood was that my savage father was on the road a lot and away.

By no means am I happy with all of the profound cultural changes we've seen since those days. But the fact that child abuse is taken seriously and has been for many years, with a zero tolerance approach, is positive change that I celebrate. Sadly, though, kids today are dealing with lots of other problems we never saw. But at least most parents who dare beat a child 'til they bleed are going to see jail time.
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Old 09-04-2019, 04:49 PM
 
497 posts, read 606,008 times
Reputation: 2106
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sonic_Spork View Post
I don't remember ever seeing any such commercials.

And it never really occurred to me that there was anything I could do besides cope with whatever adults said and did, and try to avoid, or hide from it. And despite how they behaved, I did generally love my parents. Especially my Mom. If anyone had suggested that I be taken to live with strangers, it would have crushed me. I would definitely have chosen to stay with them, no matter how erratic, unpredictable, drunk (in my Dad's case) or violent they were. The alternative...the unknown...would have been unthinkable.

But also, again, I just sort of accepted that adults could do whatever they wanted. I also had several daycare and in-home babysitter experiences growing up, and I could tell stories about every single one doing things I would not want done to my children.

One actual Minnieland daycare center in Virginia, put me in the dark in a wooden box as punishment because during naptime, the seam of my sock was between my toes and I sat up to fix it. Dragged me right out of the room by one arm, into another room, and shut in a box in complete darkness. It was pretty frightening. I think I was about 5 or 6 then.

Another would come up with work for us to do, if you know anything about trees that grow wild in northern VA, you know how prolific the oaks are. She told us she hated squirrels (I loved squirrels, as I loved all animals) and she didn't want to feed them, so she made us all go out into her humongous back yard and she wanted every single acorn collected and bagged up. She also, when my Mom was 10 minutes late to pick me up one day (it was Mom's birthday and she was late because her office gave her a cake shortly before time to leave) took me to a street corner several blocks from her house, on the way into her neighborhood, and left me standing alone there after dark in the rain. I was sobbing because it was my Mom's birthday and I had no idea where I was or if my Mom could find me when she came to pick me up, since I wasn't where she knew to go.

Other in-home sitters, once I was 8-9 years old, made me care for the younger kids. Including changing diapers, for the littlest ones. Several of them hit me when angry. One liked to torment my little brother, sticking him head first into a bucket with his feet sticking out, for crying.

Adults taught me to expect to be punished for inconveniencing them or even getting their attention in the wrong moment. It never occurred to me that I had any rights...to be treated any other way than whatever any adult in my life wanted to do.

But what is wild, are some of the skills that you can pick up from bad childhood experiences, can actually be useful. I'm very situationally aware, and have an extremely keen ability to read nonverbal cues and tones. I can often tell when other people are lying or how they are feeling, not out of any mystical empath woo, but just because I learned to pay close attention to the adults around me, it's a survival skill. I'm also highly avoidant and even intolerant of anger, conflict, violence, and drama. It has taken me a while to get my life the way I want it and work on boundary-keeping skills, but I live a pretty peaceful life now. And I know how to keep it that way.
It wouldn’t let me rep you again but I agree. I would have graduated high school in 1971 and I remember no such advertising on tv. I think children were seen more as property then rather than someone with rights. I thought of running away a few times but thought I’d just get returned home and there would be seven bigger price to pay.
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Old 09-04-2019, 05:15 PM
 
Location: A safe distance from San Francisco
8,859 posts, read 6,282,525 times
Reputation: 8959
Do any of you remember this song? This is how it was for many of us.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8huO5Dqeki4

I consider it one of the most beautiful songs ever written and performed. The subject matter is dark and ugly, of course, but I say beautiful because of it's extraordinary mystical sound and it's empathy for the helpless children victimized as described.

It is one of my favorite songs of all time and always leaves me feeling better than it found me. Incredible talent.
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Old 09-04-2019, 06:36 PM
 
Location: Wilmington NC
5,681 posts, read 5,247,285 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Triniss View Post
I'll never forget when I was 13, my mother and I took a trip to a funeral of one of her friends husband, we stayed in a motel and were about to leave the next day when I had a seizure and had to be taken to the hospital. Fortunately I was fine but because of it she had to stay another night in the motel and she chastised me and was very angry and yelled at me...for having a seizure and ruining her plans.
What you really mean is, were we ever emotionally abused by a jerk?

The answer is yes.

On several occasions I was yelled at or hit for 'embarrassing' my narcissistic mother with my behavior.
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Old 09-04-2019, 10:41 PM
 
18,019 posts, read 4,294,456 times
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parents demanded money from me if i said a dirty word.
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Old 09-06-2019, 07:49 AM
 
Location: Brooklyn New York
15,692 posts, read 25,319,699 times
Reputation: 21063
I remember my father would always be yelling at me for opening a window, and both parents were smokers, and i could not for the life of me understand why it seemed like a mortal sin for a kid (teen) to want to open a window.
the heat is on, your letting the heat out. wah wah wah.


in my head id be thinking our smoking is killing me and my sister, open the dam window....so what i would do in the winter is hang the clothes out on the line that way the kitchen window would have to be open, thus getting some fresh air into the kitchen where they would all be....and here they all thought i was being helpful to my mom by doing laundry.......
nope, i just wanted that cold winter air to come in the house.
sick, isnt it. that i had to think of that.


or putting a light on and then walking out of the room, but dad, im goingback in, i jut forot something.


the stupid nonsense rules and backwards behavior really were terrible back then.
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Old Yesterday, 05:00 PM
 
Location: SW Florida
9,962 posts, read 7,227,984 times
Reputation: 14819
Quote:
Originally Posted by MarshaBrady1968 View Post
Some of you guys have not just bad, but actually psychotic parents who should have been in prison, honestly. Why did you never call and report them? I can say with 100% certainty I would have.
We didn't know such treatment was not the norm. We were taught that parents, as well as other adults were always right, that as young children we were always wrong. It was a completely different mindset in those days than it is these days.

We didn't know such behavior was abuse, and in the 50's and 60's, when I was a child, one did NOT call and report parents for anything. The authorities would not have taken any action against the parents, they wouldn't have taken the kids seriously, and there would have been hell to pay for the kids to even have thought of such a "stunt".
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Old Today, 12:00 AM
 
162 posts, read 116,527 times
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"Only once and even though I was little I totally understood it and was not upset about it".

I was a little kid (maybe six) and my brother (four) asked me to throw him a glass for him to play with in the bath tub. I threw him an glass, glass that broke and cut him and my parents had to rush him to the hospital to have stiches. They were very upset about the whole situation. I was one of those kids who was pretty darn responsible from a young age and who wanted to do the right thing and had never been punished prior to this or after this. In this situation, though, my dad spanked me with a belt. It didn't hurt though and I didn't ever cry. I don't know if it was that he didn't hit me very hard or because I was just concerned about my brother and really didn't think about something else. I thought this punishment was unjustified as it was an innocent mistake with unintended consequences. I also knew though that my dad who is a gentle and caring person was just really upset and wouldn't have done this if his emotions had not gotten the best of him. I was even as that six year old sympathetic that my dad was just really concerned about my brother and without him even asking forgave him and gave him the benefit of the doubt for what I thought was an inappropriate overreaction.

Last edited by Kathy884; Today at 12:12 AM..
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