U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 08-15-2019, 01:41 PM
 
10 posts, read 1,661 times
Reputation: 49

Advertisements

"I also am in a relationship with a guy who doesn't want to have kids and I am happy.
The only problem is that I may want to have kids some day.."

Whatever you decide, please make your decision based upon what you want and not on what he doesn't want.

I fully understand your concerns re: being Bipolar, pregnancy and motherhood. I'm glad you are taking that into consideration. Should you decide to have children, your Psychiatrist and therapists can definitely give you some good information that will help you make a decision when the time comes.

I wish you the best!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 08-15-2019, 02:34 PM
 
Location: Southwest Washington State
22,527 posts, read 14,785,337 times
Reputation: 32096
Yes! I am proud of the adults they have become. I invested a lot of mental energy in parenting. I took it seriously. I would have done some things differently, sure. But I believe in parenthood. I believe having children is an exercise in love and optimism.

But, people who do not want to, or fear parenting, should make sure they donít have children.

You might benefit from genetic counseling.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-15-2019, 03:55 PM
 
Location: Majestic Wyoming
834 posts, read 398,042 times
Reputation: 2169
With zero hesitation I would have kids again, exactly like we had them. Sometimes I wish we'd gone for one more, we have two, but other days I am so happy we stopped with two. I've always wanted children, so there was never any doubt that I'd be a mom, the hard part was deciding when to be done having children.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-18-2019, 02:42 PM
 
16,835 posts, read 14,262,654 times
Reputation: 20740
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tina66 View Post
I have bipolar. I am in a relationship with a guy who doesn't want to have kids.
Now I am questioning having kids myself.
I like to be a mom. But I don't want to have bipolar kids.
I also don't want to be depressed or mean c in my pregnancy and get crazy with child hyper or tantrum.
But worst, I don't want to break up with my current boyfriend, find another guy, decide to go through pregnancy, have th kids and then regret having the kids.
I want to be honest with me. Have you ever regret being parent and would change your mind if you had a chance to?
I had a parent with bipolar disorder, he did not always manage it well, and at times was a horrific parent. He should not have had children. His sister, my aunt has similar issues and has managed it much better. You should likely speak to your doctor about whether or not they think you have the management skills, support system, etc. to manage your disease and children in a way that is healthy for everyone. The guy you are with would be secondary to all of that in your decision making process.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-18-2019, 04:08 PM
 
8 posts, read 2,183 times
Reputation: 22
Quote:
Originally Posted by lkb0714 View Post
I had a parent with bipolar disorder, he did not always manage it well, and at times was a horrific parent. He should not have had children. His sister, my aunt has similar issues and has managed it much better. You should likely speak to your doctor about whether or not they think you have the management skills, support system, etc. to manage your disease and children in a way that is healthy for everyone. The guy you are with would be secondary to all of that in your decision making process.
Wqs your parents on medication or untreated?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-18-2019, 06:04 PM
 
466 posts, read 177,856 times
Reputation: 1590
sunshine said "I also am in a relationship with a guy who doesn't want to have kids and I am happy.
The only problem is that I may want to have kids some day..".
Whatever you decide, please make your decision based upon what you want and not on what he doesn't want.


OP sounds 50/50 about having kids.
No her bf doesn't get to decide for her whether to have kids but...I was 50/50 and my guy was "no kids" and I was fine with that, 75% in the "no" column. If he had been "yes kids" maybe I woulda, I'll never know. But I also think we pick our mates based on the sum of who they are and who we are, so I probably would not have stayed with someone who wanted kids. That's me, though not the OP.

Wouldn't it be great if kids could choose their parents? I would have chosen different ones and neither of mine had mental challenges, just wrong parents for me.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-18-2019, 06:13 PM
 
8 posts, read 2,183 times
Reputation: 22
Quote:
Originally Posted by twinkletwinkle22 View Post
sunshine said "I also am in a relationship with a guy who doesn't want to have kids and I am happy.
The only problem is that I may want to have kids some day..".
Whatever you decide, please make your decision based upon what you want and not on what he doesn't want.


OP sounds 50/50 about having kids.
No her bf doesn't get to decide for her whether to have kids but...I was 50/50 and my guy was "no kids" and I was fine with that, 75% in the "no" column. If he had been "yes kids" maybe I woulda, I'll never know. But I also think we pick our mates based on the sum of who they are and who we are, so I probably would not have stayed with someone who wanted kids. That's me, though not the OP.

Wouldn't it be great if kids could choose their parents? I would have chosen different ones and neither of mine had mental challenges, just wrong parents for me.
So you say I should put my balls more in the basket of not having kids and be happy with the boyfriend I have?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-18-2019, 06:32 PM
 
466 posts, read 177,856 times
Reputation: 1590
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tina66 View Post
So you say I should put my balls more in the basket of not having kids and be happy with the boyfriend I have?
Not really what I meant. You still get to choose kids or no kids, maybe this bf is not your "one and only, rest of my life" guy. What I'm saying is you chose this guy and you're happy with him. You chose him with his "no kids" decision.

Your dilemma is (I think) you think you might want to have kids which means you have to give up your current happiness with this bf in hopes you find equal happiness with future bf that wants kids too. You need to talk with a trusted person (therapist?) to find out what your true feelings are.

A boyfriend is not a fiancee, someone who doesn't want kids may not be thinking of marriage either.
So you may need to talk about that too, with a therapist and possibly with your bf at the time you need to be clear about your future together.

Life is a process. There are no guarantees about anything.
If you knew you couldn't have children, infertility problems perhaps, would you be sad? That would tell you a lot about whether you really want a child.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-18-2019, 06:35 PM
 
8 posts, read 2,183 times
Reputation: 22
Quote:
Originally Posted by twinkletwinkle22 View Post
Not really what I meant. You still get to choose kids or no kids, maybe this bf is not your "one and only, rest of my life" guy. What I'm saying is you chose this guy and you're happy with him. You chose him with his "no kids" decision.

Your dilemma is (I think) you think you might want to have kids which means you have to give up your current happiness with this bf in hopes you find equal happiness with future bf that wants kids too. You need to talk with a trusted person (therapist?) to find out what your true feelings are.

A boyfriend is not a fiancee, someone who doesn't want kids may not be thinking of marriage either.
So you may need to talk about that too, with a therapist and possibly with your bf at the time you need to be clear about your future together.

Life is a process. There are no guarantees about anything.
If you knew you couldn't have children, infertility problems perhaps, would you be sad? That would tell you a lot about whether you really want a child.
I can have kids and me and my boyfriend has been talking about marriage.
I am worried if I break up and find someone else
A. I may not be this happy with new person
B. I have kids and they suffer from my bipolar
C. They get bipolar from me

I don't want to regret having kids in future. I prefer to not have kids rather having them and regret it .

I am also going to therapy and talking to my psychiatrist.

Both believe if I want to have kids I should have them and don't help me so much to figuring out my fears about the consequences of having kids.

Last edited by Tina66; 08-18-2019 at 06:45 PM..
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-20-2019, 10:52 PM
 
Location: Miami
1,224 posts, read 2,963,906 times
Reputation: 1232
Absolutely not
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top