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Old 08-26-2019, 03:53 PM
931 posts, read 546,554 times
Reputation: 3880


Even with adults so many friendships are what I would call "situational". We might have friends at work but then we move or get a different job. We might have friends in our neighborhood with kids similar ages but then someone has a job transfer and you lose touch. With kids it's the same way. The fact that your DD had the same friend since kindergarten is highly unusual. But now that they are 13 it's only natural that the friendship might fade. Honestly, this could have happened whether you moved or not. And in a way if your daughter's BF would have drifted away while they attended the same school that might have almost been more painful.

I understand how hard it can be when you see people post on FB or other social media snapshots of their super-active kids and all their friends while your DD seems alone. It can bring great sadness when the hopes for your child's social life don't happen. But it's ok to let your DD navigate this. She might be fine except when she senses your disappointment. Work hard to encourage her in new social situations but avoid placing your own expectations on her.
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Old 08-26-2019, 05:31 PM
Location: 500 miles from home
30,409 posts, read 16,867,486 times
Reputation: 22850
Calm down OP or you are going to transfer your angst right over to your daughter. I get the feeling that you would pick up and move if you could - right back to your old neighborhood - in order to not have your daughter feel lonely. Sometimes we need to sit with our aloneness a while ~ to figure out who we are

My son and I moved his sophomore year of high school and he was very much excited to move out of our small town to a bigger city. BUT, it still took almost a year for him to make good friends, and start having activities on the weekend.

Yes, it was a hard year but he had no regrets looking back. He now has opportunities he would not have had in our old hometown.

It is SO hard not to impose our own fears and anxieties (of our schoolyears) onto our children. But we have to try hard not to. Moving helped him to foster resiliency.

What you daughter needs now is normalcy; to see her parents making dinner; doing chores around the house and NOT anxiously pushing her to have a fabulous social life or frantically rearranging things so she will have more friends.
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Old 08-26-2019, 05:55 PM
Location: In the Pearl of the Purchase, Ky
7,572 posts, read 13,064,402 times
Reputation: 31493
It's called growing up. I'll bet anything it's bothering you a lot more than daughter.
The first part of your last sentence says it all.
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Old 08-26-2019, 07:58 PM
Location: Albany, NY
35 posts, read 9,043 times
Reputation: 36
Ah, Those junior high/ high school years !
We moved 2 hours north when my daughter was in 7th grade . She left behind her closest gf since the 4th grade, and also a bestie from the first grade on from whom she was already growing apart due to differing interests. It took her a little while to acclimate , naturally, to a new school :and she made a couple of good friendships. Her high school years were not socially high-test, my daughter is by nature an introvert ,and they would not have been regardless of our location

Fast forward 8 years later and my daughter will tell you she's glad we did this. The experience contributed to the independent thinker self-sufficient (non-follower) she is today !

P>S> A couple of years ago she reconnected with the grade school bestie & they realized how similar they are personality-wise & get together as their schedules permit.
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Old 08-26-2019, 08:24 PM
Location: planet earth
5,282 posts, read 2,014,819 times
Reputation: 11611
OP: Why wouldn't you use paragraphs?
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Old 08-26-2019, 08:57 PM
7,051 posts, read 3,987,836 times
Reputation: 16094
You've gotten much good advice. Your daughter will be fine as she makes new friends, but a similar change may occur when she starts high school. I suggest that from now on you not try to socialize with the parents of your daughter's friends. It only complicates the natural flux of friendships that teens go through, and her friendships should not depend on whether or not their parents want to socialize with you at this age.
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Old 08-28-2019, 01:53 PM
5,489 posts, read 6,751,732 times
Reputation: 8826
There is no way you can expect their friendship to stay the same after you've moved away. Her friend sees these other people every day of her life. They have common experiences - the same things happening because it's the same school, same teachers, etc. It's pretty impossible to maintain that friendship.

I would encourage your daughter to make new friends.

just out of curiosity, why did you move? I get it if you had to move across the country for work or something, but a 25 mile move seems like it was just out of convenience. That is terribly hard on a middle schooler.
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Old Today, 10:51 AM
Location: Dallas TX
15,114 posts, read 21,959,852 times
Reputation: 22575
The girls are 30 minutes away and now the girls go to different schools. It is very challenging at that age to keep those friendships.

You are probably more upset about it than your daughter is. Try and help her cultivate new friendships in her new school and neighborhood.
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