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Old 09-02-2019, 06:32 PM
 
157 posts, read 80,566 times
Reputation: 225

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jakealope View Post
My son lives near the west coast and I live on the east coast. He lives by himself, lives a pretty frugal lifestyle and he makes a lot more money than I do. He recently needed me to stay with him for a few days since he had some minor surgery. He offered to pay for my plane ticket, and I didn't take him up on the offer initially. It somehow seems wrong for the child to pay for the parent. But he does make a lot more money than I do and traveling out there has impacted my finances to a degree. I bought a lot of groceries while out there, and had to buy quite a few practical things since my son lives so "frugally" shall we say.

So, would you ask your son to reimburse for the plane ticket?
This isn't so much about the plane ticket, but in general going forward:

If you keep refusing his help, then at some point, he's going to stop offering to help you.
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Old 09-02-2019, 07:47 PM
 
26,398 posts, read 33,424,886 times
Reputation: 33078
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jakealope View Post
My son lives near the west coast and I live on the east coast. He lives by himself, lives a pretty frugal lifestyle and he makes a lot more money than I do. He recently needed me to stay with him for a few days since he had some minor surgery. He offered to pay for my plane ticket, and I didn't take him up on the offer initially. It somehow seems wrong for the child to pay for the parent. But he does make a lot more money than I do and traveling out there has impacted my finances to a degree. I bought a lot of groceries while out there, and had to buy quite a few practical things since my son lives so "frugally" shall we say.

So, would you ask your son to reimburse for the plane ticket?
After you already declined?? No.
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Old 09-02-2019, 08:08 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
17,462 posts, read 17,750,921 times
Reputation: 42776
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jakealope View Post
My son makes a lot more money than I do. He offered to pay for my plane ticket, and I didn't take him up on the offer initially. It somehow seems wrong for the child to pay for the parent.
(various snips)
Quote:
Originally Posted by steelstress View Post
You need to let go of this "wrong for the child to pay for the parent" nonsense. He's a full-fledged adult, and behaved like it. Treat him like it. Why do you want to supress that?
I have read many threads in this forum where the adult children are 30 or 40 or 50 and they still expect their parents to pick up the tab at restaurants, pay their cell phone bill and things like that even though the adult child is making a lot more money than the parent (or even the parent is retired and barely scraping by).

Heck, I remember a thread where the adult child expected their parents to pick up all the restaurant tabs, for them, their spouse and all of their children when they went out to dinner even though the parents were retired and had a lot less money than the adult child & their spouse. The parents were trying to figure out how to gracefully stop paying for everything without upsetting anyone.

Last edited by germaine2626; 09-02-2019 at 08:42 PM..
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Old 09-02-2019, 09:05 PM
 
1,121 posts, read 1,700,861 times
Reputation: 1024
In general, your son asked you for help. And I don't see any problem if you ask for his help as well. Especially if you incurred additional expenses and lost potential income more than you anticipated due to this trip. And all these because you helped him.



Depends on the degree of impact this has on you. If just means to live a bit more frugally next few months, then maybe no need to ask for his help. If it means you have problems paying your credit card bills and have to incur penalties/interests as a result, then by all means, ask for his help before the problem gets bigger.


Unless these extra things are new things he needs for his recovery, I don't think it is right to buy things at OP's expense if the son thinks there is no need for them. If the expenses are substantial and needed for his recovery, he should reimburse the OP as well.
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Old 09-02-2019, 09:20 PM
 
102 posts, read 83,308 times
Reputation: 186
I agree with the “if there is a next time take him up on his offer”. However, I don’t agree with the sentiment that the child who makes more money should pick up the tab for a parent. There should not be any expectations from parents or children. If one or the other offers, great. If not everyone pays for themselves. It doesn’t matter who makes more money. Entitlement is an ugly thing.
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Old 09-03-2019, 04:46 AM
 
Location: Southern Most New Jersey
1,198 posts, read 860,970 times
Reputation: 1965
I would not ask for the money. When you need help just ask him for that.

If this happens again then think it through at that time.

And bottom line. You are older than him. As life runs its cycle you are going to need his help.
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Old 09-03-2019, 07:30 AM
 
Location: Southern California
12,352 posts, read 10,642,019 times
Reputation: 33846
That ship has sailed. Feel free to accept the free ticket next time.
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Old 09-03-2019, 08:58 AM
 
Location: Wisconsin
17,462 posts, read 17,750,921 times
Reputation: 42776
Quote:
Originally Posted by andherewego View Post
I agree with the “if there is a next time take him up on his offer”. However, I don’t agree with the sentiment that the child who makes more money should pick up the tab for a parent. There should not be any expectations from parents or children. If one or the other offers, great. If not everyone pays for themselves. It doesn’t matter who makes more money. Entitlement is an ugly thing.
You explained it better than I did. I agree that there should not be an expectation that a specific person would always pick up the tab. This was in response to the OP saying that it seemed wrong for a parent to NOT pay for things (when dealing with an adult child that makes more money and offered to pay for something).
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Old 09-03-2019, 01:40 PM
 
30,556 posts, read 47,806,564 times
Reputation: 16416
Quote:
Originally Posted by emm74 View Post
This.

He has more money than you, and this turned out to be more of a financial impact than you realized it would be, so you'd like to accept his initial offer to pay for the tickets.

If he didn't have the money, then of course I would have politely refused the offer. But I saw my own father regularly pay for things for his own mother, because he had a lot more than she did. That's what made sense.
Would your son have had to pay for private in home help after he has this procedure if you had not come out?
Some insurances will cover in home some won’t
Be upfront w/he as others said
Tell him it has taken more money than you anticipated
But you might not want him to pay for everything you bought
If you bought food that you prefer==like organic items vs regular—
it would be a nice gesture if he offered to cover that but not mandatory IMO
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Old 09-03-2019, 02:24 PM
 
Location: Mt. Lebanon
1,881 posts, read 1,978,102 times
Reputation: 1965
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jakealope View Post
My son lives near the west coast and I live on the east coast. He lives by himself, lives a pretty frugal lifestyle and he makes a lot more money than I do. He recently needed me to stay with him for a few days since he had some minor surgery. He offered to pay for my plane ticket, and I didn't take him up on the offer initially. It somehow seems wrong for the child to pay for the parent. But he does make a lot more money than I do and traveling out there has impacted my finances to a degree. I bought a lot of groceries while out there, and had to buy quite a few practical things since my son lives so "frugally" shall we say.

So, would you ask your son to reimburse for the plane ticket?
I think that you should have thought about that when you bought the plane ticket, but if it really impacted you and you are really struggling you should ask for his financial help. But the fact that you are asking here instead of talking to him tells me that you guys are not so close to each other to talk openly about this.
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