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Old 09-03-2019, 02:25 PM
 
Location: Kentucky
588 posts, read 333,609 times
Reputation: 2349

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No, I would not, but I'm not you.
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Old 09-03-2019, 05:22 PM
 
Location: Mount Pleasant, SC
1,969 posts, read 2,505,515 times
Reputation: 1742
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jakealope View Post
I bought a lot of groceries while out there, and had to buy quite a few practical things since my son lives so "frugally" shall we say.
So, would you ask your son to reimburse for the plane ticket?
As others said, no on the ticket.
But your comfort level & his norm are another story. No, there should be no reimbursement for this either, but a realization that you had a choice there.
I am not as frugal as others in my family. Some must be to get by. I have leeway & therefore my comfort level of daily living is different.
So again, there was a choice you made in that time you were visiting/assisting him as you spent to increase your comfort to conform more with your norm.
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Old 09-03-2019, 07:58 PM
 
Location: Denver CO
21,494 posts, read 12,126,944 times
Reputation: 32781
Quote:
Originally Posted by andherewego View Post
I agree with the “if there is a next time take him up on his offer”. However, I don’t agree with the sentiment that the child who makes more money should pick up the tab for a parent. There should not be any expectations from parents or children. If one or the other offers, great. If not everyone pays for themselves. It doesn’t matter who makes more money. Entitlement is an ugly thing.
Families help each other out. Should OP have refused to fly across the country to help out the son after his surgery? Would he had asked someone besides a parent to do that? Why not say the son shouldn't have expected OP to help and it was entitlement on his part to even ask?
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Old 09-04-2019, 05:40 AM
 
Location: Central IL
15,348 posts, read 8,761,179 times
Reputation: 36043
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jakealope View Post
My son lives near the west coast and I live on the east coast. He lives by himself, lives a pretty frugal lifestyle and he makes a lot more money than I do. He recently needed me to stay with him for a few days since he had some minor surgery. He offered to pay for my plane ticket, and I didn't take him up on the offer initially. It somehow seems wrong for the child to pay for the parent. But he does make a lot more money than I do and traveling out there has impacted my finances to a degree. I bought a lot of groceries while out there, and had to buy quite a few practical things since my son lives so "frugally" shall we say.

So, would you ask your son to reimburse for the plane ticket?
I'd not reverse on the plane ticket by going back and asking about it but it appears all the extra expenses while there you'd be within bounds to ask about. Those seem to be what put you "over budget" and were more unexpected just because of his lifestyle. Of course he may be largely unaware of those expenses depending on how you handled it....

Easier to let him "do you a favor" in the future than to go back and try to "collect" on anything from the trip though. You can both be gracious about it.
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Old 09-04-2019, 06:21 AM
 
103 posts, read 83,402 times
Reputation: 186
Quote:
Originally Posted by emm74 View Post
Families help each other out. Should OP have refused to fly across the country to help out the son after his surgery? Would he had asked someone besides a parent to do that? Why not say the son shouldn't have expected OP to help and it was entitlement on his part to even ask?
It was not entitlement to ask her to fly out. It would have been entitlement if he got upset if she said no. She willingly flew out to help him because she wanted to. If she didn’t want to that would have been ok as well.

I believe once the education portion of a child’s life is over all obligation stops. Will I help my children in adult life? Absolutely but it will be willingly and how I see fit. Their father and I will have given them all of the tools for them to be successful adults. They better use them.
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Old 09-04-2019, 06:34 AM
 
12,802 posts, read 10,144,377 times
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Not necessarily, but now that this has happened, the next time you are hospitalized, you should be able to ask him to come help you, and not reimburse him, guilt free.
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Old 09-04-2019, 09:32 AM
 
2,533 posts, read 3,556,962 times
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Ask for the plane ticket. The problem is that you have set a precedent that the ticket is not wanted so he won't offer next time. Just call and say you made a mistake. The plane ticket and trip costs were not affordable and you need him to reimburse you. That way he knows the deal next time he needs some help. If you let it go this time, next time he won't offer and your resentment will build. Trust me, he will appreciate the honesty more than if you hid the cost burden and next time declined a trip in some sort of reverse psychology, passive aggressive play to get him to offer for the ticket.
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Old 09-04-2019, 09:33 AM
 
Location: Rochester, WA
6,179 posts, read 3,442,381 times
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If your son knew you were having financial hardship due to your trip out there would he offer again to help? If so then certainly do let him know.
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Old 09-04-2019, 10:44 AM
 
Location: In a vehicle.
5,178 posts, read 3,322,221 times
Reputation: 8478
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jakealope View Post
My son lives near the west coast and I live on the east coast. He lives by himself, lives a pretty frugal lifestyle and he makes a lot more money than I do. He recently needed me to stay with him for a few days since he had some minor surgery. He offered to pay for my plane ticket, and I didn't take him up on the offer initially. It somehow seems wrong for the child to pay for the parent. But he does make a lot more money than I do and traveling out there has impacted my finances to a degree. I bought a lot of groceries while out there, and had to buy quite a few practical things since my son lives so "frugally" shall we say.

So, would you ask your son to reimburse for the plane ticket?
No, you were offered and nixed the offer. Your fault. Learn from this.

I do kind of understand however, a few times when my Mother was alive I paid for car repairs. She felt terrible and so I found out I could deposit money in her account without her approval. So, she never said anything to the sudden increase in her account time to time, but she never tried to hand the money back!
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Old 09-04-2019, 11:07 AM
 
Location: Wisconsin
17,474 posts, read 17,758,838 times
Reputation: 42792
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jakealope View Post
My son lives near the west coast and I live on the east coast. He lives by himself, lives a pretty frugal lifestyle and he makes a lot more money than I do. He recently needed me to stay with him for a few days since he had some minor surgery. He offered to pay for my plane ticket, and I didn't take him up on the offer initially. It somehow seems wrong for the child to pay for the parent. But he does make a lot more money than I do and traveling out there has impacted my finances to a degree. I bought a lot of groceries while out there, and had to buy quite a few practical things since my son lives so "frugally" shall we say.

So, would you ask your son to reimburse for the plane ticket?
Off the topic, but I'm just curious what "practical things" did you need to buy because your son is so "frugal"?

Perhaps something like a pillow or blanket or a coffee mug for you to use while you stayed there?
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