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Old Yesterday, 02:52 PM
 
9,803 posts, read 13,645,003 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kitkatbar View Post
Then if $400 isn't unreasonable, what is the complaint?
The complaint is that @ 16 he can't just assume he can have whatever he wants. He has to realise there is a limit to things.


he wanted more stuff that's why he wanted the bonus cash.
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Old Yesterday, 03:04 PM
 
Location: Foot of the Rockies
87,269 posts, read 103,354,490 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdieBelle View Post
In my experience, it's when they get a part-time job and start earning their own. He's old enough and needs to be working, but you've noted before that his dad spoils him so that probably won't happen.

I thought Kohls cash could only be used at a later date?
In my experience, it's when they're out living on their own, even if they're getting support from Mom and Dad, e.g. away at college. Even in the dorms, they need toothpaste, other toiletries, stuff like that and they get an idea how much this stuff costs which they may not have had before.

You're right about Kohl's cash. It's to get you back in the store in a week.
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Old Yesterday, 03:09 PM
 
1,214 posts, read 1,553,571 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jdawg8181 View Post
The complaint is that @ 16 he can't just assume he can have whatever he wants. He has to realise there is a limit to things.

he wanted more stuff that's why he wanted the bonus cash.
The "limit" would be when your husband set a limit. Your husband as far as you've said, did not set a limit. Therefore, your stepson had no idea what the limit would be. There was not a limit on the shopping trip, so why would there arbitrarily be one on the bonus cash, or why would the bonus cash arbitrarily require asking permission?

I'm remembering posts from earlier in the spring when there was also conflict over money and your stepson with you wanting money spent a certain way when the family went out to the movies, and he brought a date... he got one ice cream... the girlfriend got an ice cream that was a dollar or two more that you didn't approve of... and your husband not thinking it was a big deal (as evidenced by the fact that he kept giving the kid money.) This isn't an issue of there being something wrong with the kid or something wrong with the other kid's parents... it's a difference in how you and your husband view money.

Now, personally? I'm like you. I'm as frugal and stingy as they come. So I really do hear what you're saying and see your side of it. I really do. But what rubs me the wrong way in your posts is that you're out to paint this kid as being brought up wrong, or being greedy, when the issue is:

-you and your husband do not share the same values about money and have not sat down to clearly decide as a couple what your values are going to be

OR

-if you have and your husband is still being an enabler... this is in no way the kids fault. At. All. So you dogging on the kid or the bio mom instead of going after your husband is Not. Cool.
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Old Yesterday, 03:12 PM
 
Location: Colorado Springs
102 posts, read 21,907 times
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When do kids start to grasp the concept of money? As soon as they learn basic math (addition and subtraction), and YOU TEACH THEM. It is not that hard (i.e., grasp or teach).
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Old Yesterday, 03:20 PM
 
Location: North Idaho
23,069 posts, read 29,390,617 times
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Teenagers do this because they can. They whine or beg and the parent gives in.

But it is also true that kids don't ever really grasp the concept of how hard it is to earn money until they are out on their own.

What age can they learn? Early, early, early. My son was paying the bills, writing the checks, and balancing the checkbook when he was 8 years old (with careful supervision). He knew what the income was and how much it cost just to keep the bills paid. he got to discuss budgeting.

When he was really little, he was allowed to choose one breakfast cereal without sugar listed in the first three ingredients. He carefully read boxes, looked at everything and learned to make the best choice that was in his "budget". Not much older than that, he learned how to figure out the price per ounce to help me pick out the best option in the grocery store.

None of that does any good for you. Your kid is well past the age of 8, so he's already missed those learning opportunities. He can learn, if you and your husband agree on a strategy and you both stick to it.

I've got to say, though, $400 for back to school clothing and supplies for a 16 year old boy sounds awfully cheap to me. I suspect that there was some careful shopping going on there.

Last edited by oregonwoodsmoke; Yesterday at 03:30 PM..
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Old Yesterday, 03:24 PM
 
9,803 posts, read 13,645,003 times
Reputation: 5924
Quote:
Originally Posted by kitkatbar View Post
The "limit" would be when your husband set a limit. Your husband as far as you've said, did not set a limit. Therefore, your stepson had no idea what the limit would be. There was not a limit on the shopping trip, so why would there arbitrarily be one on the bonus cash, or why would the bonus cash arbitrarily require asking permission?

I'm remembering posts from earlier in the spring when there was also conflict over money and your stepson with you wanting money spent a certain way when the family went out to the movies, and he brought a date... he got one ice cream... the girlfriend got an ice cream that was a dollar or two more that you didn't approve of... and your husband not thinking it was a big deal (as evidenced by the fact that he kept giving the kid money.) This isn't an issue of there being something wrong with the kid or something wrong with the other kid's parents... it's a difference in how you and your husband view money.

Now, personally? I'm like you. I'm as frugal and stingy as they come. So I really do hear what you're saying and see your side of it. I really do. But what rubs me the wrong way in your posts is that you're out to paint this kid as being brought up wrong, or being greedy, when the issue is:

-you and your husband do not share the same values about money and have not sat down to clearly decide as a couple what your values are going to be

OR

-if you have and your husband is still being an enabler... this is in no way the kids fault. At. All. So you dogging on the kid or the bio mom instead of going after your husband is Not. Cool.
Because it doesn't belong to him. He doesn't make the money. He doesn't get a say.


With that said, my husband is making him get a job.


My issue is just like, dad already spent $400 on you, isn't that enough? My husband didn't set a limit @ the outset b/c he thought his son would be grateful enough to realize dad already spent a ton of money. But I don't know if is this just like normal teen behavior?


I mean when I was 16 I knew my parents worked for money and everything but I didn't really have much of a concept what it cost to buy clothes & school supplies & things. Yeah I would ask my dad for $20 here & there for a movie or lunch with a friend or something … my question is mostly like what is expected for a 16 year to know about responsibility & managing money?
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Old Yesterday, 03:30 PM
 
9,803 posts, read 13,645,003 times
Reputation: 5924
Quote:
Originally Posted by oregonwoodsmoke View Post
Teenagers do this because they can. They whine or beg and the parent gives in.


But it is also true that kids don't ever really grasp the concept of how hard it is to earn money until they are out on their own


What age can they learn? Early, early, early. My son was paying the bills, writing the checks, and balancing the checkbook when he was 8 years old (with careful supervision). He knew what the income was and how much it cost just to keep the bills paid. he got to discuss budgeting.


When he was really little, he was allowed to choose one breakfast cereal without sugar listed in the first three ingredients. He carefully read boxes, looked at everything and learned to make the best choice that was in his "budget". Not much older than that,



None of that does any good for you. Your kid is well past the age of 8, so he's already missed those learning opportunities.



I've got to say, though, $400 for back to school clothing and supplies for a 16 year old boy sounds awfully cheap to me. I suspect that there was some careful shopping going on there.
I always look for deals. Kohl's is relatively cheap. We have a friend who works @ CVS that can help with discount on folders, binders, all that AND I also clip coupons as well as CVS rewards. They know me as the "crazy coupon lady" around town, ha.


We don't take him to stores like Express or anything … we try to stretch our money as much as we can.


I'm telling you as a first time parent/stepparent I was in shock about how much some things cost and how much it really is to raise a child. It's eye opening.
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Old Yesterday, 03:49 PM
 
4,127 posts, read 1,642,934 times
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when?
when you take it away from them.
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Old Yesterday, 04:43 PM
 
Location: U.S.A., Earth
4,570 posts, read 2,945,336 times
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If a child needs a set amount of money for stuff or a bunch of it, one thing to do is to itemize everything. If he says he needs $400, the list the price of each item. Then you can go into detail if something should cost more b/c it won't do what you'd like it to do, but also cost what can be downgraded, cut out, get cheaper elsewhere, etc.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jdawg8181 View Post
Because it doesn't belong to him. He doesn't make the money. He doesn't get a say.


With that said, my husband is making him get a job.


My issue is just like, dad already spent $400 on you, isn't that enough? My husband didn't set a limit @ the outset b/c he thought his son would be grateful enough to realize dad already spent a ton of money. But I don't know if is this just like normal teen behavior?


I mean when I was 16 I knew my parents worked for money and everything but I didn't really have much of a concept what it cost to buy clothes & school supplies & things. Yeah I would ask my dad for $20 here & there for a movie or lunch with a friend or something … my question is mostly like what is expected for a 16 year to know about responsibility & managing money?
Other posts have already touched up on this. Me... I knew that if my parents cut me off, I'd be in trouble, so I was definitely appreciative of whatever financial assistance, and other assistance they offered.

It wasn't later in life I realized that my parents had a decent savings account. They didn't have to be THAT cheap/frugal, but I do agree with their level none of the less, as we weren't being THAT bat*** crazy about it either. Plus, whatever money I took from them is less money for them to retire, so it'd come around become my problem anyways. Another thing was I was unaware just how expensive property taxes were. Go figure why they downsized to a smaller house!

.

As a bonus, a teacher had a student where she was completely unaware that the food inside of a refrigerator is only there because parents spend the money to buy food, and put it in there (in addition to cooking, etc.). She just took for granted that there would always be food every time she opened the fridge!
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Old Yesterday, 05:21 PM
 
9,803 posts, read 13,645,003 times
Reputation: 5924
Quote:
Originally Posted by ackmondual View Post
If a child needs a set amount of money for stuff or a bunch of it, one thing to do is to itemize everything. If he says he needs $400, the list the price of each item. Then you can go into detail if something should cost more b/c it won't do what you'd like it to do, but also cost what can be downgraded, cut out, get cheaper elsewhere, etc.


Other posts have already touched up on this. Me... I knew that if my parents cut me off, I'd be in trouble, so I was definitely appreciative of whatever financial assistance, and other assistance they offered.

It wasn't later in life I realized that my parents had a decent savings account. They didn't have to be THAT cheap/frugal, but I do agree with their level none of the less, as we weren't being THAT bat*** crazy about it either. Plus, whatever money I took from them is less money for them to retire, so it'd come around become my problem anyways. Another thing was I was unaware just how expensive property taxes were. Go figure why they downsized to a smaller house!

.

As a bonus, a teacher had a student where she was completely unaware that the food inside of a refrigerator is only there because parents spend the money to buy food, and put it in there (in addition to cooking, etc.). She just took for granted that there would always be food every time she opened the fridge!
One of the things in play here is the large income disparity btwn our household & his mother’s. We are average middle class ppl but we make about 4x as much as her. Conversely our area costs about 4x as much. My stepson knows we’re better off financially than his mother but he doesnt know what real estate goes for here, what property taxes are here ... so idk if he’s sees the difference & thinks dollar signs bc he knows we can afford it.

We ARE trying to teach him the value of hard work, hence getting the job but right now he doesnt have one.
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