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Because it doesn't belong to him. He doesn't make the money. He doesn't get a say.
With that said, my husband is making him get a job.
My issue is just like, dad already spent $400 on you, isn't that enough? My husband didn't set a limit @ the outset b/c he thought his son would be grateful enough to realize dad already spent a ton of money. But I don't know if is this just like normal teen behavior?
I mean when I was 16 I knew my parents worked for money and everything but I didn't really have much of a concept what it cost to buy clothes & school supplies & things. Yeah I would ask my dad for $20 here & there for a movie or lunch with a friend or something … my question is mostly like what is expected for a 16 year to know about responsibility & managing money?
Totally normal. Years ago, a friends kid HAD to have the latest Nikes. Like 200 bucks. The mom said no. The kid wind and bargained and wine some more. Mom said get a job
Kid got a job talked for 2 1/2 weeks about how his first paycheck was going to go to those shoes, his first paycheck was going to go to those shoes!
Got his first paycheck, didn’t buy the shoes. Didn’t have enough. Learned a lesson — a lot of hard work and not enough to buy the stupid shoes. He stopped asking.
I’m with the others when he has to spend his own money on his own stuff, he’ll get it.
IMHO, a lot depends on how a child is raised. Even with a preschool or a kindergartener, a parents will tell their child, "Now, you can not have a candy bar, you can have a snack when we get home" at a grocery store. Or for an elementary age child "You can select one toy costing less than $10" at a toy store or "We can only buy one sweater. Out of these three, which one do you like the best?"
By the time that they are teens, most children are really starting to realize that not everyone has the same amount of money. Some of their friends live in big houses and others live in tiny apartments. Some take the bus everyplace and others have new cars.
But, teens really start to learn about the value of money when they get their first part time job. At 16 my daughter used to calculate all purchases into how many hours that she would need to work to pay for something. Like, "I would need to work for four hours to buy that top! No, it is not worth it." or "I would have to work an hour to pay for that fancy coffee." And, sometimes she would say "Yes, it is worth it" or "Nope, not today. I'll save this money for something else later".
Regarding when a teen learns to be grateful for things that the parent buys, IMHO, some never learn that and some learn it at an early age. My sons first word (after "Mama" and "Dada") was "tank", which meant "Thank you" and he used it in appropriate situations when he was less than a year old.
As parents, we often told our children things like "No, we can't afford a trip to the beaches of California, but we can plan a trip to Minneapolis to see the Children's Museum and Science Museum." "No, we can't go out for a pizza tonight, but if we plan for it we can go out for pizza next month". And, when they were older "No, we can not afford to buy you a car. But, you can use Mom's car or Dad's car if you ask in advance and we aren't using it at the same time."
BTW, my son never had his own car in high school, college, or graduate school, or as a Post-Doc fellow (working after his Ph.D). Heck, he is 36 years old and still doesn't have his own car, but normally bikes every place, or uses public transportation, or drives the car that he shares with his wife (if they are going out of town). She also normally bikes to work and on errands, as well.
Well, IS $400 enough? Is it too much? Did anyone help him determine ahead of time what he needed in new clothes? How many pants, shirts, sox, underwear, jacket etc? If $400 was too much, then what should be eliminated?
My point is that kids don't learn the value of money unless they have some parameters to work within. When he gets the job, maybe make clear to him what you expect him to pay for. We expected our's to pay for all their own entertainment other than family vacations, school lunches if they chose to buy them at school, and dating. We gave them a set amount for school clothes, and they paid for anything beyond that unless they outgrew things. We paid car insurance, they paid their gas. We paid for music lessons and sports. They paid for stuff they lost, like jackets. Etc Etc. None of us can function reasonably unless we know the parameters, expectations, and rules.
My grand daughter is 2. she loves playing with coins.
When she rarely wants something at a store ...she will bring along her little coin purse. Together we see if she has enough change to buy the trinket or treat. if she doesn't..her first reaction is - Okay , we can wait til I get more pennies!! She is rather even keel about saving and getting things.
I was 7 when I grasped what money equated to. It has a power behind it- leading to poverty or lack of survival needs. food, clothing, shelter.
My family upbringing played a huge part in how I perceive money to be handled. My dad Blew it every chance he could. My Mom saved and squeezed two dimes out of a penny. So it was extreme role models that influenced how I would later manage funds. Yup, penny wise, pound foolish.
Try being in first grade and being "shamed" perpetually for not having the lunch money for the week. Being ridiculed by classmates and even the lunch ladys. So yeah at 7....I grasped what money meant.....
I think that's different than what the OP is asking though. I think a lot of kids start grasping certain concepts between 7 and 10 years of age. But I don't think a lot of them grasp how much effort it takes to earn a set amount of money until they are older and earning for the first time. Spending two hundred or spending six hundred may not seem like a huge difference to them if they don't have any idea how long it takes to earn those amounts.
When my son was nine or so he wanted some expensive item and I told him I didn't have the money for it, so he told me I could just go to the bank and get more money. I realized he'd only ever seen me go to the bank to cash checks or make withdrawals and he thought that banks were there simply to hand out money to people whenever they wanted it. He'd had no idea that the money I took from the bank was my own money that I put in, and that a bank was just a place to keep the money. He thought the whole thing was weird and wanted to know why I didn't just keep the money at home to begin with. It was an interesting conversation.
I'm a new stepparent to a 16year old boy. He believes we have unlimited money and tries to take advantage of us b/c of it … but I don't know if he is purposely taking advantage or does he really not understand that money doesn't just appear out of the sky & that we have to work hard to earn it?
My husband took him shopping over the weekend to get stuff for school for him and ended up spending $400. My stepson claimed these were all things he "needed" so whatever my husband ponied up. After the shopping trip, we got some cashback to use @ a later date b/c we spent so much (like a Kohl's Cash concept). My stepson was aware how much my husband spent yet when we got the cashback insisted on using it to buy more stuff. He didn't even ask my husband if he could have it, he just assumed he could.
My husband said he needed to ask & not just assume he could have it … b/c he works hard for the $$ & he already spent $400.
I feel @ 16 one should know enough is enough and that when your parent spends that kind off $ on you, be grateful and don't insist on getting more. I'm not sure if @ 16 does he just not realize that he or is he purposely playing games and trying to see how much he can get?
When do kids/teens start to become of aware of prices and know when it's time to lay low and not ask for more?
My grandson is 7 (July 31) and understands money
He used his own birthday/gift money to buy a big LEGO Ninjago kit that cost $70 because his mom said was too expensive—
And he put it together himself...showed it to us last night on Skype
IMO
That boy has left the starting gate
You will have a difficult time getting him to understand money because he is playing his dad like a drum
The dad obviously lets the boy do what he wants and won’t change
They both (IMO) need therapy—
There are power dynamics in place that a step-mom would get crushed trying to revise
you must have seen this before you married if you had any contact with the boy and his father...
Didn’t you discuss with your new spouse?
And the boy is old enough to get a job and earn his own spending money
Put him on a budget and stick to it
Put him to work at home if he wants something you think is outside the norm
I taught school—high school English—and many classes had sophomores
In TX that is the year kids normally are old enough to get driver’s license
You could always tell in 2nd semester—after Xmas—when some kids started sleeping in class, grades started slipping that those were the kids who had jobs to pay for their insurance and gas...they had to work...we were not a district with lot of disposable income
My grandson is 7 (July 31) and understands money
He used his own birthday/gift money to buy a big LEGO Ninjago kit that cost $70 because his mom said was too expensive—
And he put it together himself...showed it to us last night on Skype
IMO
That boy has left the starting gate
You will have a difficult time getting him to understand money because he is playing his dad like a drum
The dad obviously lets the boy do what he wants and won’t change
They both (IMO) need therapy—
There are power dynamics in place that a step-mom would get crushed trying to revise
you must have seen this before you married if you had any contact with the boy and his father...
Didn’t you discuss with your new spouse?
Lots of kids save up "their" money to buy special toys, clothes (girls anyway), stuff like that. That doesn't mean they understand money.
The summer after she graduated from high school, I paid my daughter to basically be a housekeeper. She did the shopping (with my money). When she got to college, she said lots of the other kids had no idea how much even a tube of toothpaste cost!
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Solly says — Be nice!
