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Old Yesterday, 05:17 PM
 
Location: Lafayette, LA
3,395 posts, read 2,753,846 times
Reputation: 7648

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Adriank7 View Post
Iíve been told by a few people that they canít relate to people that donít have kids. I notice my friends will go out with me as a couple when they have a babysitter but if a night with a just women they only invite moms, not me or other people without kids. And these arenít kid related events. Some people almost seem shocked if I tell them I donít have kids. It makes me feel worthless sometimes. I notice how they portray women in movies or tv that donít or canít have kids as crazy also.
The only person who can make you feel worthless (or ďfeelĒ any other way for that matter) is yourself.
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Old Yesterday, 05:28 PM
Status: " Water is sacred" (set 23 days ago)
 
Location: Laurentia
2,963 posts, read 1,331,528 times
Reputation: 6736
Quote:
Originally Posted by Adriank7 View Post
Iíve been told by a few people that they canít relate to people that donít have kids. I notice my friends will go out with me as a couple when they have a babysitter but if a night with a just women they only invite moms, not me or other people without kids. And these arenít kid related events. Some people almost seem shocked if I tell them I donít have kids. It makes me feel worthless sometimes. I notice how they portray women in movies or tv that donít or canít have kids as crazy also.
Geez, they don't sound like good "friends" if they are making this a big issue.

I have a kid myself but I am friends with several people who are childfree and don't judge them for it. It is their life and their choice; I also don't understand why people freak out when someone says they don't want to have kids.

You shouldn't feel worthless for your decision to be childfree; it is your business. Yes, people still feel the need to judge women negatively who do not want kids or are unable to have them because of outdated ideas that we should all want to have kids and that's what women "should" do. I have a friend my age (really, really late 40s) who is childfree and she has has to deal with shocked reactions from others for years when others ask and she tells them she didn't want kids.

Hopefully sometime soon society will catch up.
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Old Yesterday, 05:37 PM
 
1,051 posts, read 248,694 times
Reputation: 3780
Quote:
Originally Posted by Adriank7 View Post
Iíve been told by a few people that they canít relate to people that donít have kids.
That's an odd thing for people to tell someone that doesn't have children.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Adriank7 View Post
I notice my friends will go out with me as a couple when they have a babysitter but if a night with a just women they only invite moms, not me or other people without kids.
Parenthood is a monumental aspect in a person's life. Some people like to share their time with people having the same experience.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Adriank7 View Post
And these arenít kid related events. Some people almost seem shocked if I tell them I donít have kids.
'almost'? That means they're not actually shocked then.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Adriank7 View Post
It makes me feel worthless sometimes. I notice how they portray women in movies or tv that donít or canít have kids as crazy also.
I've never noticed any equating in film or television of childless women as crazy.
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Old Yesterday, 05:48 PM
 
7,669 posts, read 2,323,952 times
Reputation: 9342
I've never noticed anyone freaking out if others don't want to have kids. I think this is a myth in 2019.
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Old Yesterday, 06:14 PM
 
5,269 posts, read 2,564,511 times
Reputation: 4849
Quote:
Originally Posted by Adriank7 View Post
Iíve been told by a few people that they canít relate to people that donít have kids. I notice my friends will go out with me as a couple when they have a babysitter but if a night with a just women they only invite moms, not me or other people without kids. And these arenít kid related events. Some people almost seem shocked if I tell them I donít have kids. It makes me feel worthless sometimes. I notice how they portray women in movies or tv that donít or canít have kids as crazy also.
I have more friends who do not have children than do. I have children. The worst thing about people who do not have children is that sometimes talk a lot about some niece or nephew that you've never met. It's like they're trying to compensate for not having children. First they ask how your children are, so you list off their status in one sentence or less, and then they're on an endless tangent about some relative.

I think the days of women as barren or spinster are long gone. Those terms are from a time before the invention of the birth control pill. Today, children are a choice.

As for moms getting together for a night without children - it's about having a much needed break, something that people without children don't get. Do people without children really want to listen to parenting stories all night long?

Do wine nights with friends who don't have children. They usually have good travel stories because they have more disposable income.
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Old Yesterday, 07:02 PM
 
Location: Mammoth Lakes, CA
3,215 posts, read 7,022,813 times
Reputation: 7704
This works both ways, believe me. My husband and I chose never to have children and we could never relate to those with kids. Our circle of friends was always those who were child free. Couples who have children invariably think other people are as fascinated with their children as they are.

They're not.
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Old Yesterday, 07:38 PM
 
7,669 posts, read 2,323,952 times
Reputation: 9342
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ulysses61 View Post
This works both ways, believe me. My husband and I chose never to have children and we could never relate to those with kids. Our circle of friends was always those who were child free. Couples who have children invariably think other people are as fascinated with their children as they are.

They're not.
And couples who do not have children invariably think other people are as fascinated with their *fabulous* selves as they are.

They're not.

Goes both ways, and has more to do with self absorption, than having kids or not. Childless people can be overbearing bores just like anyone else.
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Old Yesterday, 08:13 PM
 
Location: Winterpeg
930 posts, read 357,259 times
Reputation: 3859
Quote:
Originally Posted by Adriank7 View Post
I’ve been told by a few people that they can’t relate to people that don’t have kids. I notice my friends will go out with me as a couple when they have a babysitter but if a night with a just women they only invite moms, not me or other people without kids. And these aren’t kid related events. Some people almost seem shocked if I tell them I don’t have kids. It makes me feel worthless sometimes. I notice how they portray women in movies or tv that don’t or can’t have kids as crazy also.
The first sentence is quite strange. Most parents have spent some time as an adult before having children (unless they were teen parents). So they're all at least somewhat familiar with the state of not having children.

I have one kid. Most of my female friends throughout my adult life have been childfree. If one is capable of talking about topics other than children and doing activities in groups of adults, one's parenting status is irrelevant, we're all just adults. I never found that hard.

Perhaps you need to meet a more compatible bunch of people.
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Old Yesterday, 08:31 PM
Status: "Fall is in the Air!" (set 7 hours ago)
 
Location: Foot of the Rockies
87,300 posts, read 103,410,307 times
Reputation: 33365
Quote:
Originally Posted by Adriank7 View Post
I’ve been told by a few people that they can’t relate to people that don’t have kids. I notice my friends will go out with me as a couple when they have a babysitter but if a night with a just women they only invite moms, not me or other people without kids. And these aren’t kid related events. Some people almost seem shocked if I tell them I don’t have kids. It makes me feel worthless sometimes. I notice how they portray women in movies or tv that don’t or can’t have kids as crazy also.
Are you sure that is deliberate?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Texas Ag 93 View Post
I'm a mother to 12 and 9 year old girls and my two closest friends are other women also in their late 40s who are both single and child free. I am still close to both of them and they both have excellent observations and suggestions about issues with my kids and my relationship with my husband. My MIL, who is in her mid 60s has no children of her own, but she spent years as an L&D nurse, so I took all of her advice about the care of my infants to heart. She knew a lot more than I did.

I personally don't subscribe to the notion that only people with direct personal experience with something, including parenting, have something positive to add. I think everyone has something positive to add.
Was your MIL step-mom to your husband? I'm confused.

I have to say, it's sometimes rather obvious when a non-parent posts on here about "how to" stuff. But yeah, I have two good friends who don't have kids. Both are married, so we do things as couples. We talk about stuff that interests all of us, which is usually not our kids (who are now grown, but these are long-time friends).
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Old Today, 12:51 AM
 
5,269 posts, read 2,564,511 times
Reputation: 4849
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ulysses61 View Post
This works both ways, believe me. My husband and I chose never to have children and we could never relate to those with kids. Our circle of friends was always those who were child free. Couples who have children invariably think other people are as fascinated with their children as they are.

They're not.
Couples without children invariably think that breeders are fascinated with their younger relatives.
They're not.

Giving birth has little to do with whether people are interesting.
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